Emotional abuse of grandson

[Mawmaw76901]

I believe my9 year old  grandson is being emotionally bused by his stepmother. The child poops his pants on a regular basis, wet the bed(wears pull ups) is overly compliant when the stepmother is around. This childs mother died 4 years ago when he was 5. His father  my son remarried 3 years ago, they have 2 other children 2years and 2 months. I usually have him about every other weekend, he tells me horror stories about the things she says to him. I know for a fact that she belittles him for soiling his underwear.He tries to hide the soiled pullup from her. His room smells like a barn full of pigs, I went to get his clothes before I picked him up at school Friday  I about passed out when I walked in his room , the stepmother said can you believe he can not smell this. I all but blew a fuse at her, telling her he is 9 years old he is not suppose to be raising himself. Since they have been married he has been responsible for washing his own clothes, totally taking care of himself. His room is usually picked up  but it smells horrible. I feel like telling my son if CPS came to his house and smelled the smell they would probably take all 3 children.
How can I explain to my son that this 9 year old is being emotionally abused by her and more than likely it is the reason he still poops in his pants.

[RJ233]

I would tend to believe the abuse. He could have a physical problem causing him to poop his pants, but he wets the bed also. Both not functioning as normal, with the wetting his pants when he sleeps, the stinking room, washing his own clothes and actions when shes around, and the child telling you horror things she says to him tends to make me think she is abusing him. How does he act when it is time to end your visit and he knows he is going home. Does he want to stay with you instead of going home? If the step mother was trying to punish him for soiling his clothes, it really doesn't make sense because he is wearing pull ups.If your son or his wife acted as most parents with concern they would have taken him to a dr. It is just as much your son's fault for allowing this.  A 9 yr old is not that good of an actor. If it was hostility towards the step mother or his father because of jealousy, then why does his room stink and he do his own clothes? A parent would find the root of the smell, and certainly not have him washing his clothes seperately. He is probably hiding his pull ups, causing the smell. Wetting his pants when he sleeps is a familiar subject to me. I started wetting my bed at 12. Now there are physical problems that cause bed wetting. Mine was all from stress. I was so embarrassed. I stopped wetting the bed when I was potty trained.  You can contact the dr's office and ask if you can bring him yourself without the parent, because you suspect child abuse. They probably will let you take him yourself for those reasons. The way it sounds I would not doubt that she has physically abused him also. If the dr agrees it is child abuse, then he will report it and they will make sure he is safe.His father may be your son, but if he is participating or allowing his child to be abused then he should face the consequences.If it is a health problem, then it is no different than abuse, because they have not supplied him with dr's care. Hope things get worked out for your grandson.

[margypops]

It sounds as if you are right to be concerned, he needs to see the Doctor first ,washing his own clothes, he probably wont do that properly and its more of a punishment, it is good these childern have you in their corner , take it a step further and get some help.Good Luck

[PrettyKitty1]

I agree with the above.  I had the EXACT same symptoms whenever my dad would approach, so it may be he gets extremely anxious or nervous when she is around. Taking him to the doctor would be an excellent idea and your son needs to take action now.  

[teko]

I totally concur with RR on this. The first order of business should be to rule out anything medical. The second thing is to face the reality that there is a lot been going on in the life of this 9 year olds life. The loss of his mother so young would leave a major mental impact, not to mention a new mom and siblings in his life in such a short time span. Therepy to help him deal with it would not be unheard of. As far as speaking your mind to your son, I would not hesitate to voice my concerns to him on this matter, after all you are gramma, and it may open his eyes to the issues at hand. As far as a 9 year old being expected to take care of his personal needs such as cleaning up after himself, he is old enough. However, with that said, as frustrating as it can be having a 9 year old in diapers, scolding will only enforce the behavior. Off to the doctors with him, I say.

[RockRose]

Has he been checked for encopresis?  Google it,  and see if this fits him.  A child who is soiling and embarrassed and hiding it is usually not doing it on purpose.

I don't know if she's emotionally abusive,  or just in fact indifferent to him.  Your son is responsible for him,  and if his room is fully of soiled underwear and smells like a pig farm,  it's as much your son's responsibility to deal with it as his new wife's.

My guess is,  encopresis is the answer to his bowel accidents.

Best wishes.