Avatar universal

Father/Daughter Covert Incest and Neglect

I met a man whom I fell madly in love with and moved in with very quickly. The first real sign of something being wrong with him was when his children from out of state came to visit for Thanksgiving. I was shocked that he sat in his room on his computer all day (he's a gamer and internet addict) and never came out to interact with them. They just sat on the couch on their phones all day. I talked to him several times about doing some activity with them. Then on the second day, I kept asking him to do something and finally around 5pm we left the house and rode scooters. They had a blast.

Then when summer came, the kids came to stay with us. He made no arrangments for a babysitter to supervise them during the day while we were at work (they are 12,13, 15. The 15 year shows signs of Aspergers and has severe anxiety issues). I started looking up babysitters and sending their phone numbers to him to follow up. He never did. I called summer camps and found one that was still accepting kids. The father didn't engage with the kids except to play video games or watch TV. Didn't ask them to clean up. They didn't bathe for a week and I noticed their toothbrushes were always dry. They didn't have a bedtime curfew. The 15-year-old would play the same online video game his dad played and would yell all night into his headset. I repeatedly asked him to stop yelling and told his father he needed to impose a curfew. I would come home late and the kids hadn't been fed any dinner and were eating Doritos. Dad was on the computer. I repeatedly said stuff to their father about this. I tried to take them places like the public pool and such. Just didn't seem right to leave them on their own all the time.

Then I started to notice a behavior with his daughter I was uncomfortable with. She was constantly telling me that everyone thought she was older and she was more mature than other kids her age. She has the body of a 16-year-old. She would rub her hands up and down her father's arms and back... slowly like an adult would do. She would kiss him multiple times on the cheek and linger for long periods of time. He would grin and let it happen. They would hold hands when we went out in public. I would come home late from work and see them spooning on the couch. I started to notice that when he put the kids to bed, he would lay in the bed on her for very long periods of time and they would whisper to each other. We went to see a play in the park and they spooned on the blanket instead of us, the two adults.

Then one night the two of them laid on the couch for hours. I tried to get the father to come to bed. He said he would in a little while. I came back an hour later and asked again. Then he finally tried to get up and she pulled him back down on her, whispered something to him and he stayed there. I walked off. I felt disgusted by what I just saw. I researched the internet to see if this was normal, but at the time did not find the phrase "covert incest." They slept together all night. Both arms and legs wrapped around each other, chest to chest, face to face. The next day I told him it wasn't going to work out with us. I cried, but I didn't say it was because of what I saw with his daughter. I was afraid he would twist the situation around and deny it. He is very good at manipulating things. We agreed to wait out the rest of the summer and the kids would go back home to their mother. Then he would move out. I felt relieved that I wasn't going to have to be involved in having to sit the kids down and explain that we were breaking up. During that time, I saw more of this inappropriate behavior with his daughter. Another time they slept on the couch I asked him to get up. He smiled and start to and she reached her hands out and did this "come back" hand gesture. He smiled at me and laid back down with her. I was very upset but did not know how to handle it. I went out there in the middle of the night and took a photo of them sleeping together. It wasn't as bad as the previous time, but they were wrapped in each other's arms and his shirt was kind of lifted up. I sent the pics to a friend of mine with psych background and he said this was not appropriate behavior. I showed my parents and they were disgusted.

He also would cut her toenails, scrub her feet and cut her hair. He told me he washed and cut her hair in the bathroom. You cannot do that in the tiny bathroom sink, so they had to wash her hair in the shower. I could not bring myself to ask if she was naked, but I can't imagine how else to wash her hair. We didn't have a detachable showerhead. Then she needed new underwear. While in the middle of Walmart, he took his belt off and used it to measure under her breasts. When we got home later, he told me she tried on the underwear and he checked it to see if they were tight. I asked 'She tried them on in front of you?' He said 'Yes' like it was no big deal. She also changed clothes one time in front of both of us. He patted her on the butt once as well. He was not like this with his boys. I did see him slap both of his boys in the face a few times. Not hard, but I still didn’t like it. He also told me his daughter was his favorite. Every time he and his daughter would have the touching episodes, I noticed the little boy would get this weird blank look on his face. Like he was trying to ignore what was happening.

Then the daughter decided she wanted to move down here. I hoped the mother would say no, but she allowed it. He told me his sister was planning to move down here and could help with his daughter. I tried to tell myself she would notice their behavior and put a stop to it. Then his nephew moved into their new house. I found out that the nephew would talk openly about doing drugs and had a history of getting in trouble with the law. He disappeared for a whole day and night and then called my ex to come pick him up downtown at 4am. The daughter told me and then later her dad that she didn't like being alone with the nephew. The dad worked noon to 9pm, so the daughter was left alone with the nephew every day during until after 9pm. I told the dad, ‘You need to get him out before something bad happens.' He said he was working on it. The sister did not move in. During this time, he was trying to convince me to get back with him and I was conflicted and still in love with him and trying to deny what I had seen. Then I caught him talking and sharing sexy photos with another woman, so I used that as an excuse as to why we needed to end our relationship. I did go over to their house two times after they moved in. Once to help move the rest of their stuff he didn't pack up. Both times, the daughter would be in his bed when I came over. Then he called me once and said 'Sorry I haven't called you. I fell asleep in X's bed last night.' Then I stopped answering his texts and phone calls. No explanation. I had said we could be friends and seemed open to the idea of possibly rekindling our relationship, but after being out from under his influence and lies, I realized how unhealthy this relationship was and I needed to end all communication.

I started seeing a therapist and ended up telling her all the stuff that happened. Afterward, she said 'I am required by law to report this.' I panicked. I felt like involving CPS was too drastic and I worried about the daughter being taken away. I realized I am afraid of him. He told me he hacked his previous girlfriend. He made jokes about waiting until I got rich and cleaning out my bank account.

Can someone share how the CPS process will work? How will they communicate who tipped them off? Will anything come of this? I kind of doubt it.
1 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
20803600 tn?1546262537
First, reports to CPS are anonymous. Callers are not identified to the parents ever. The allegations and things yiu witnessed may or may not be innocent, but they are alarming and concerning and need investigation.
Helpful - 0
I would venture to state The above story,  can and does  indeed happen. As well, way more often then human minds would like to think. As for the above particular case, I truly believe it's a false tale.. the writer is way too graphic, the was it was written, Was all too sick.. As if a pervert was enjoying every sickening word..

No. It was real. I can assure you.  Yes. It was disturbing. I am disappointed in myself for not confronting him about it, but I know he would deny any wrong doing. I forgot to mention that the next morning after sleeping on the couch with his daughter , he tried to wake me up with a kiss. I turned away.  He said "No kiss?" I said  "You slept the whole night with your daughter.  He said "No I didn't.  I woke up on the floor.  I said "I came out there at 4am and you were wrapped around each other." He left the house without another word. Then he later called from work and said he wanted to plan a vacation. I said "The kids will enjoy that." He said "Not you?" I said that we needed to talk when we got home.

Since I wrote this,  I told a Greek friend who is a dad with two girls. I showed him the photo. He got upset and said in Greek culture they don't have the same boundaries.  When his American wife went to Greece, his family would pat her on the butt as a sign of affection.She didn't like it, but he told that was normal. I was again conflicted,  but I stood my ground.  My ex is American by the way. I think this behavior will ultimately screw up his daughter.  She clearly loves the attention, but what will happen when the first boy shows interest in her? What happens once she is an adult? Will she have healthy boundaries with men?
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Abuse Support Community

Top Relationships Answerers
13167 tn?1327194124
Austin, TX
3060903 tn?1398565123
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
How do you keep things safer between the sheets? We explore your options.
Can HIV be transmitted through this sexual activity? Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia answers this commonly-asked question.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.