Fear

Question

When I was little my dad would take off my pants and underwear and move me to the couch, he'd already be naked. I don't remember what he'd do from there, I tried to block it out. And as a teenager he'd come into my room and touch me.. I fear him all the time, im scare he'll do it again.  I can't sleep sometimes because I'm so scared. I want to tell someone so they can help me.. But I don't know who. I'm also scared of what people will think, I'm so embarrassed. I don't want to ruin the family, i don't want them to hate me. What should I do?

tired35812 · Answer

I am truly sorry for what is happening to you but as someone who was sexually molested at a young age I can tell you from experience you need to shout it out to anyone who will listen and make sure this person can harm no others you are strong I was not and due to that fact other little girls were abused and this person even escalated to violence I to thought it was my fault and was afraid to say something and though my parents would be mad at me. Now as a 45 year old woman I think about this everyday not myself but the others I could have helped if I just spoke up. I know it is hard and I know you are young but your siblings may be much weaker than you. You know you are strong and you care about your sister otherwise you never would have reached out to this forum for help. Bless you little one I hope that this stops happening to you you only deserve good things. Believe in yourself. You are good.

specialmom · Answer

Hi there cookiemonster.  I sure hope that you have been able to open up to someone.  Let us know how it went.  peace

here313 · Answer

You really can’t replicate the feeling of rejection from a theoretical school here project to one that has real world tangibility. You can’t duplicate client interaction and you can’t possibly anticipate all the situations that may come up in real life. You have to be able to appease the client while still doing good work. You have to face deadlines. Real deadlines. Not one that is imposed on you by an instructor, which you can shrug off because even if you do a bad job you can choose not to show it to anyone. If it goes out, it’s real, it’s out there, and people will see it. That pressure alone pushes me to strive to do better, to scrutinize all the details, and then check them again.

Cookiemonster77 · Answer

Thanks to all of you. Seems like you know exactly how I feel.. And I will talk to them and see what happens. Thanks for the advice!

Cookiemonster77 · Answer

Okay I'm gonna try to talk to my teachers if not I'll try and talk to my mom. Thanks to all of you for responding and tying to help me.

Kayannaboo · Answer

I am terribly sorry that these things have happened to you and it is very natural to block out those bad memories or feel untrusting.But you cannot live your life in fair, it is not fair to you. You must seek the help of someone who can help you, because you need help, for you and your sister. You sounds pretty young and I would really love it if you also got professional help from now. These things manifest themselves into your adult life and become a plague to you and others around you.

Do you have a close relationship with your mom? I totally understand your fear of causing trouble for your family. However, this not on you. Its on him. He is the one ruining your family, he decided to this the moment he harbored those perverted thoughts. You are PROTECTING your family by speaking up. The longer you wait, the more the fear will soak in until you begin feeling like its too late. I KNOW THIS!

Please keep us updated!

Anna

mcclure223 · Answer

Cookie monster I am so sorry someone u trust could do this to you. It is wrong and against the law.  I talk w young girls frequently about this and Ur not alone.  Plz tell a teacher or school resource officer. The abuse normally does not stop n will happen to siblings if hasn't occurred already. If you tell what happens things may get harder but u will have advocates to talk to, and hopefully set up with counseling. Most importantly u will stop the abuse of your siblings. If you have posted here u are stronger than u think. 
If you don't feel comfortable telling a schhol person or friends mom u could always call the police or child advocate services in Ur county or state. They have people specially trained to deal w this.

specialmom · Answer

Well, tell the teachers that you do talk to.  Really, isn't taking action better than not?  As you have younger siblings, wouldn't you be horrified for letting this continue and eventually happen to them if it isn't already?  They count on you to be the older and responsible person that will help them.  So, tell the two teachers you do trust and begin to stop this pattern in your home.

Cookiemonster77 · Answer

What I mean is I just can't open up to them with this, I just don't trust them. And there are two techers that I do trust, that help me when I'm down. And there is a lady that I talk to lots too.

allmymarbles · Answer

If you do not trust the counselors, go to a favorite teacher or the principal.

specialmom · Answer

Well, you have to trust someone.  

And taking steps to right this very wrong situation is essential. 

When you say you don't trust your counselor (s) at school, what do you mean?

Cookiemonster77 · Answer

Thank you both so much! I do have a younger sister and I am afraid he'll do it to her too. That's something I would never let happen! I've been thinking about telling someone for a long time, and there's one thing that always stops me. What's gonna happen after they know? Also, I don't really trust any of the counselors at my school.

allmymarbles · Answer

Yes, you have to tell the school counselor. Will there be a big bruhaha? Probably, but you cannot allow yourself to be destroyed. You are too valuable. 

I know personally of a case like yours. The father abused the older girl (there were two sisters and two brothers). When the abuse became known it saved the younger daughter from the same fate.

Let us know how you are getting on. Maybe we can be of some help.

specialmom · Answer

You tell a school counselor.  You don't give your age but obviously are still school age and live at home.  Tell the counselor.  Just be honest and they will help you.  Then you talk to your mother.  If there are any other kids that your father could abuse, you are saving them by stopping it.  good luck and sorryt his has happened.