HELP- I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO

[sam02]

Ok so this is going to be a bit of a long story but I believe that the whole story must be explained so hopefully someone can help me. I am 26 years old. I've been married for 5 years but have been with my husband for a total of 14 years. We have 2 children together. I was pregnant for our son at age 14 and had him at 15. We have been together ever since. Our relationship has its ups and downs. When I was young I used to do everything for him. I never wanted him to leave me all alone to be a single teen mother so I always kept peace. Even when he was wrong. Although I went to bed many nights crying myself to sleep. So as time went on we kinda both grew up and things were good for the most part up until about 4 years ago. I started to realize that my husband was taking lortabs, xanex, and drinking prescribed cough meds. When I had my second child I was a prescription of pain medication because everyone gets them after having a baby. Well my meds disappeared I was left with one in the bottle. I was so upset and in pain. When I asked him about it he swore that it wasn't him and that it was either my sister or brother who did it and I believed him until he later confessed. So naturally I forgave him but time and time again I kept on catching him. When I eventually started making him leave the house he got suicidal. So there I was again helping him get the help he needed and letting him come home. He drinks alot expecially on the weekends. Most times he doesn't eat breakfast. He just goes outside all day and drinks till he cant go anymore late at night. When I try to tell him he drank enough he goes into these rages. He breakes everything in sight. He calls me every curse word in the book.
Another thing is that he doesn't like our 11 year old son. He wanted me to have an abortion but I refused so its like he resents his own son. He never really pays him any attention but god forvive if our son is being bad he surely knows how to scream at him. he never does any father and son things with him. So now im going to explain what has happened over the last 2 weeks. To start off I had enough of my husbands distructive behavior so I got myself a lawyer and started the divorce process. Well I let him kinda move back in but I kept paying my lawyer knowing that he would soon mess up again then I would continue without any problems. I had to confess to my lawyer that I had in fact let him move back in but I had already made him leave again. So the reason I made him leave was because the divorce papers came in the mail and I freaked because things were in fact going well but I needed to let him know the divorce had been filed but I didnt know it was filed. I guess it was my fault because I didnt tell my lawyer not to file but i didnt tell him to file either. So anyway I hoped that my husband would have sat there with me and we would have figured out what to do. But he lost his mind saying that I new it had been filed and that he was leaving. **** you is what he said. All of the blame for all the problems were always my fault. So I told him if he wanted to leave he could but he needed to leave me money for groceries instead of throwing it in a bar and he said that I was never going to get a f***ing penny from him, he wasnt coming to court and that he would rather rot in jail before paying child support. So I hid his phone from him and said he wasnt getting it back until he left money for food. Well he grabbed me by the shirt and tried to pull me across the livingroom table, he picked up and candle holder and hent to hit me with it so I jerked back really hard I flew back in the kids who were sitting on the sofa because he woke them up. I kicked him away from me and called the cops but he left before they got to my house. After a couple of days he started to call to come visit the kids so I let him. Of course he was so sorry but I told him he needed to get counseling before he could come back. His response was that counseling was a crock and a waste of money and he wasnt going. So this past weekend he came visit and I couldnt help myself, I went in his truck and honestly I was looking around and I found lortab pills. I lost it. I was so mad. He wanted to stay and when I said no and confrunted him with the pills he went into a rage. He chased me around the kitchen, I threw the pills in the sink and turned the water on so they disolved. Im telling you at that moment I had a close incounter with the devil. He went outside and started punching my car windows and cursing me out. My son walked outside and started screaming for him to leave me alone and to just go. He then told our son **** you, your a ugly lil *******, i hate you. That was the icing on the cake because i was left to pick up the pieces of my sons broken heart. He cried for 3 days. Yesterday he showed up and have our son a hug, he was crying and saying how sorry he was. Our son was crying as well. Now he wants me to give him yet another chance. Grant it i love him very much but i need to tie my heart and continue the divorce but im so confused because now he wans to stop drinking, and go to church. He also wants counseling. But I think he is just bluffing but what if he wants to change. I just dont know what to do. He always breaks his promises after he is allowed back home. Just when I think things are good I find myself in the same situation. HELP PLEASE. Is this mental abuse. Is this verbal abuse. I dont know which way to turn.

[margypops]

I am afraid this will never change it will continue whilst you are allowing him to come too and fro, you need to start to think of the children this is all very traumatising for them, it is they who need protecting, I suggest you see child services. for advice