Am I being emotionally abused by my father?

[noomi]

So, before I get to the actual question, I'm gonna write a little about me and my life up until now...
First of all - I'm Norwegian, please excuse my English.

I've never actually done this before,  wrote anything about... well, me, online like this. So, this is a first.
I'm 18 years old, and my life has been , and still is, a complete, utter mess. I've been bullied ever since I first started school at age 6, both by students and teachers, so I've switched schools a lot. If I decide to continue studies again now, it'll be my tenth attempt at starting over at a new school.
I've been diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder, severe depression, ADHD, anxiety, polycystic ovary syndrome and I also have an undiagnosed sleep disorder currently being monitored by a psychiatric nurse. And, on top of all this... my father is emotionally abusing me. I think. Which is my question for anyone who wants to answer.

My dad had a rough childhood, his father died when my dad was only 13 years old, and his mother suffered from mental illness. He was taking care of himself and his sick mother, with no help whatsoever from his older siblings, and at the same time he was being bullied and beat up in school. I think he's a very insecure man, and that he takes this out on me. Name-calling, violent anger and blame - he takes it all out on me.
I help out around the house, doing laundry, making dinner, walking the dogs, cleaning, cleaning, cleaning all the time. But he still finds it in him to call me lazy, hopeless and inept. My sleeping disorder annoys the living hell out of him, as we work together and I have to get up at 6:00AM every morning because he has this weird thing for arriving one hour earlier than we have to so he can sit on his ***, drink coffee and smoke while he reads the newspaper online. I usually black out at around 4:00AM, so I get about 2 hours of sleep. If I sleep for more than 2 hours, I'm literally not functioning, but I have some trouble getting up and out of bed in the morning, which messes up his routine. Every morning we have a big fight in the car on our way to work, and he tells me how inept I am, how lazy I am and will often tell me that I'm an immature, ungrateful brat and that I should get my lazy, fat *** out and find a new job because he's so ******* tired of dealing with my ********.
He loves to give me nicknames and thinks he's being hilarious, when really all he does is hurt my feelings. He'll tease me and tell me that I look like one of the characters from a TV show here in Norway called "Tangerudbakken" which is a reality show that follow the lives of people with down syndrome.
Apparently, I'm also stupid because I'm having trouble housbreaking my new puppy.
Today he told me that if my puppy doesn't get housebroken in a matter of days, I either have to get rid of it or I'll have to find a new job and "get the hell out", meaning that he doesn't want me to live at home anymore. This would be completely fine with me, if it wasn't for the fact that I have severe despression and social anxiety, and can't even leave the house alone, which makes me feel even more insecure and pathetic.
I have also been cutting, and he loves to bring it up after he's been yelling at me and calling me names, proceeding to tell me to "go home, cut yourself and act like an ape". Yelling is one of his favorite weapons against me, so are comments about my weight, my inability to get up in the morning and making fun of my cutting. I've never been one of those "look at my cuts, look at how awful my life is! I hate myself so much I have to cut #cut4bieber" - quite the opposite. I've been cutting since I was 11 years old and it's never been something to show off or tell everyone about, it's actually made me feel even more insecure and pathetic, but I still do it. It just helps me cope, I guess. But my dad thinks this makes me "an ape" or "a monkey". He didn't think so when I almost slit my, with mere millimeters to spare the blood vessels, though.

My mom has been telling him to leave me alone, which resulted in him apologizing to me, only to then say he was "joking". I don't think his jokes are funny at all, they're cruel and mean, and they make me feel even worse about myself and I don't have a very good self-esteem to begin with. If I do tell my mom what he's been saying both straight to my face and behind my back (he talks about me to my younger sisters, who then tell me what he's been saying and, most of the time, agrees with him), he'll call me a snitch and a "******* brat" or he'll just tell me to "take my ******* dog for a long walk and pack my **** up when I get back". I don't know what to do anymore, I just feel so helpless. He's my dad and all, but... I feel like he hates me. And if this doesn't end soon, I don't know what I'll do.

I'm not sure if this is actually emotional and/or mental abuse, what do you think? What do I do about it?

[princy100]

hi.. I feel sorry for you having so much troubles in this young age..Talk to your mom so that you will have a better feeling explaining everything about your dad..She might find you a solution for this abuse.. Try to recover from your sleep issues so that you can manage this situation even more better.don't be alone try to talk with someone..

[noomi]

Thanks for answers!

I've been seeing a psychiatric nurse for a couple of weeks now, but she's not really much of a help and I feel like all I do is sit there and talk about how tired I am, and how sick I am of my dad and his cruelty, without anything being done to help me get away from home or actually get a good night sleep. When I was still a minor and had a right to free counselling, the psychologist I was seeing at the time told me she would get me into a mental institution, but I turned 18 before anything happened and then all of a sudden I was somebody elses problem. I've been told countless times to seek help at a mental institution, spend some time there and get some help to figure things out, cope with my weird sleeping disorder and then go back home. Only problem is my job, which I'll probably lose soon anyway, and my puppy, as I'm afraid that if I leave him, he won't be there when I get back home. As of right now, my puppy is all that's keeping me alive, I know it sounds a little overdramatic, but I don't have friends anymore, none at all. I have five siblings though, but I can only talk to one of them as he's the only one who actually gets me and this... thing between me and my dad, too bad he's married, has a kid and lives almost three hours away. So, well, I'm pretty much alone.

I'll definitely try to talk to my mom, have her help me make an appointment with my doctor and see if there's anything that can be done with my sleeping disorder even if it means taking meds or actually stay at an institution for a while.

[thatquietgirl]

It does sound like emotional abuse, but I agree with the above ladies that you need to get help and look into something outside the house.

Your dad isn't going to change unless he sees his behavior as bad and problematic, which he doesn't now and likely won't.  It's hard to swallow and accept, but it's something I've had to come to terms with with my own father.  

If you seek help to make yourself a healthier person, then that will help improve your quality of life despite your father's words intended to bring you down to the level he is at.

[AnnieBrooke]

I don't know how things are in Norway regarding social medicine programs, but I would look outside the home for help.  Perhaps if you can't leave home because of the agoraphobia, you could search online until you find some resource, and then your mother could get you to see the doctor or therapist or program.  I agree with RockRose that if you are not getting enough sleep, EVERYTHING else is impossible.  Begin with addressing the sleep issues and go from there.

[RockRose]

Sometimes problems posted on this board are bigger than what posters can help with,  noomi.  

I think a good place to start in your quest for answers would be to get help for your sleeping disorder,  and investigate getting prescription meds for your anxiety.

I can't imagine what sleeping disorder would make you unable to function on more than 2 hours of sleep per night.  Most people would actually die after several months on that sleep schedule.  

Best wishes.