How can you love someone that tears you down

[lucky7480]

I am not sure if it's a ? I am asking. I know I am an abusive relationship and everyone says he won't ever stop. All my life I have been abused by men woman friend but I learned to protect myself and wouldn't let them in but I was told by a counselor that it's a safety mechanism but I was told that it's not healthy so I prayed to god to open my heart and well I did to a man that is so verbally ect abusive I tryed to walk away but felt crazy and went to drugs. The thing is I don't want to leave him even though he hurts me it's like I see the kindness in his heart and see how his life was so he can't help it but I can't tell him anything. How do I help
Him without hurting me because the only time I want drugs is when he abuses me

[Nighthawk61]

And please look at the addiction forums and stay away from drugs. Drugs are not the answer for an abused woman!!

[Nighthawk61]

Your husband needs help but you cannot make him get the help he needs. All you can do is get counseling for yourself and figure out why you would sacrifice yourself to a bad relationship. You need to get away from him to help him. He needs to hit bottom before he will help himself. You are enabling him to continue in this cycle of abuse. You need to set an example for him by being the stronger person and show him what healthy living is all about. Do it for yourself, do it for him. Chances are if he does not look for help he will simply find another woman to abuse, but that won't matter to you, because you will be finding another man who will not abuse you. At the end of your life, what would you rather be remembered for? A woman who took abuse all of her life, or a woman to said "No" and found the love of her life. This cannot happen when you are giving everything to a bad relationship. Please Choose Life!! You can go to an abused woman's shelter immediately and start again. There are people and financing available to help you with this. You are not alone!

[specialmom]

Hi there.  Well, I'm sorry.  It sounds like life and relationships has been hard on your.  My heart goes out to you.  I feel bad that this cycle of abuse and pattern continues in your life.  I strongly encourage you to go back to counseling as perhaps the work isn't done.  You need to understand how it is that you get into these abusive relationships, what draws you to unhealthy people so that you can break free of the pattern.

I would end this relationship.  I say that firmly as you say he can't help it.  Well, he can.  Abusing another is a choice and a self control issue.  And you have a choice as well.  You can choose to be alone rather than with someone that treats you poorly.  And being alone for a bit while you work on breaking the pattern will greatly benefit you.  

He's not motivated to change because you do not demand that he does.  

Please seek the help of your counselor again and leave a man that you have an unhealthy relationship with.  Wishing you all the best.  Peace

[margypops]

Only he can help himself and same with you, if he is hurting you it has to stop, he gets help and you have a go' at mending the relationship,'kindness in his heart' could you expain how he is kind ?Most times men who abused cannot be helped and the ones that can be helped have to want to and go for therapy/counseling ..Its your life but one thing I do know, if you have childen and he contiunes with abuse it will affect the children ..and all of their life ...