repressed memories???

[Julie2473589]

Since i can remember there are parts of my life that are missing.  It seems as though i can only remember things through pictures.  I mean large parts of my life gone even now.  I have been with my husband for 12 yrs and there are still days I miss.  he try to remind me of a conversation we had and i cant remember,  the whole day i cant remember.  I dont know whats wrong with me.  I have been in 2 date rape situation.  i never call the police or anything always figured it was my fault.  And there was one time i was at a party and fell asleep not passed out i mean fell asleep, and awoke to this guy i know fondeling me i was 14 or so.  i move so he couldnt touch me and again said nothing.  When i was about the man that had always been my uncle, he was married to my aunt so he wasnt biological, but still my uncle.  one day out of the blue said GOD you dont know how bad i want to f**k you,  I let that situation in a hurry then a couple months later my aunt had a new years eve party and he got me really drunk.  being half passed out he started touching me his wife in the other room.  i think he thought i was completely out i kept trying to move so he would quit but he didnt until he almost got caugh!  never did i go back... they divorced a while later.  still noone knows.  how can i remember this bad stuff like it just happened to me yesterday,  but i'm missing so much more.  Is it because i was far worse then what i remember, or what   i was telling my theropist about the missing time she said it sounded like repressed memories.  I told her i really dont think i want to know what happened to me.  she said i need to remember and would through it and get passed it.  I really do NOT want to remember, since i have such bad memories now i cant even phathem what i dont remember.  Please tell me what you think!  Am I just crazy?

[RockRose]

Lupus sounds like a possible answer to me,  too.  Also,  MS (multiple sclerosis) sounds possible.  I still think thyroid disorder is the best answer,  but so many things could be causing your memory loss.

Best wishes in getting the answers you seek.

[Julie2473589]

i was actually doing some research on memory loss and I am going to ask the dr to check if I hsve Lopus.  There is a check list of 11 things and if u have 4 of the 11 the i guess you have it and i have 5.  this seems like a possible answer?!?

[RockRose]

I don't know,  Julie.  To me,  the two sound unrelated since you are forgetting normal plain old everyday things that aren't trauma.

It sounds like you've suffered abuse - much of it that you clearly remember -   and separately,  you have problems with memory.  

I agree with you about not wanting to remember.  If you've managed to forget some abuse,  best to stay forgotten.  The chances that if you "recover" the memories they'll actually be accurate - or give you relief - seem very small.

Best wishes.  Have you had your thyroid and other hormone levels checked?  There are lots of causes of memory loss,  prayers that you find out what's causing yours.  It must be difficult when you can't remember day to day things.  

[Julie2473589]

"When i was about 13, the man i always concidered my uncle, he was married to my aunt so he wasnt biological, but still my uncle.  one day out of the blue said "GOD you dont know how bad i want to f**k you,"  I left that situation in a hurry"

so u dont think i was trama that r causing my memory lapses.  that would be such a relief.  I going to have to do some research on memory loss and see what i can find if u find any information that could help me understand what is happening i would really appericiate it
Julie

[RockRose]

You're not crazy, sounds like you have organic  problems with long term and short term memory.  You can't remember normal conversations with your husband.  There are things in your life - normal and maybe possibly abnormal - that you don't remember.  It's hard to tell what you remember that is actually true,  since you can't things,   and you forget days in your current life.  

Could you try to rewrite this - it's hard to tell what you are saying because you left lots of words out:

"When i was about the man that had always been my uncle, he was married to my aunt so he wasnt biological, but still my uncle.  one day out of the blue said GOD you dont know how bad i want to f**k you,  I let that situation in a hurry"