Aa
Is this an abuse or not?
My husband and I have a different sexual desire. He wants to have a sex almost every night, but for me it is OK to have it once in two weeks. He is really insisiting on having sex more often, and although I have no desire I have to follow his request. He does not forse me, but keeps tauching me and asking for sex, untill I finally give up. I was trying to explain him, I get tired by the end of the day and just want to sleep, but itv seems when he is in a mood nothing can stop him. If I decide to avoid sex, he will be mad at me and might stop talking to me for a couple days. From another point I realize if I will not have sex with him he might start looking around. What should I do?
If a woman is truly annoyed by her husband wanting to have sex then she cannot love him the way the love in a marriage should be. God created us so different but for us to compliment each other, I was in a marriage where my wife was on a separate page from me sexually and it just didn't work out, not because of that but because we didn't care enough about each other to meet our separate needs. My wife today will do anything for me period, and I will do the same for her, and it works, I promise you that. Back to the point, if a woman is disgusted by her life partner wanting to be with her sexually it won't work in that marriage or with any other man she marries, it will just be the same problem over again. There is nothing wrong with a woman staying single if frequent sex bothers them that much. I would encourage them to stay single and quit complaining.
10 Minutes.I wish--I wish.... I am used to a 2 hour session at times. Mot of the time it is me giving hm a ******* which has to be like the porn sites. I can tell because of the agression involved. He actually talks to the girls who ask for money. These girls don't even like sex with a BF or Mate. They want %%%%%% Bottom Line..Tey could care less about making him *** , unless its more $$$ for her. Men dont understand how hard it is for women who dont wake u with so called EXCUSE--BLUEBALLS.
Since a woman can be passive in the sex act and still satisfy her husband, I don't see what the problem is. I haven't read all of the entries but skimming through them I feel that RockRose and Allmymarbles pretty much express my views.
(P.S. My husband has gone out of his way to please me when he was not in the mood. Reverse situations do exist.
(P.S. My husband has gone out of his way to please me when he was not in the mood. Reverse situations do exist.
negotiate. if he wants sex every day and you want it once in 2 weeks then you both compromise. once a week he gets sex and the other week give him a hand job or a ********.
My partner would always come on to me at night for sex hehe. But for some reason I never wanted to, I always said I was tired or couldn’t be bothered. Of course he felt rejected and mad we hardly ever did it. We both went to a sex therapist; mainly I wanted it for me to find out why I had no interest. Our sex life is way better now and he is a much happier person and so am I!
Just imagine wanting to be intimate with your husband and him rejecting you over and over again. It does hurt and is not always just about having sex to get off.
You guys need to have a sit down and talk about it.
Just imagine wanting to be intimate with your husband and him rejecting you over and over again. It does hurt and is not always just about having sex to get off.
You guys need to have a sit down and talk about it.
Masturbation for the more sexually driven partner is a great way to solve any disagreement about how much sex is needed.
Just say he can spend his extra sexual energy on porn and be clear with the limits. He may go after you aggressively because it seems like every alternative use of sexual energy is cheating. Just put limits on not allowing sex chatting or sex with anyone else in person.
Sex once every 2 weeks seems really low, though. If you're that tired and busy that 2 orgasms per month is all you have energy for, you probably need to manage your time/energy differently. Maybe he can save you a couple hours by doing more house chores and be rewarded with a good **** with his favourite sexy lady. Sex a few times a week is pretty important to keep couples intimately together. Sex is the main difference between friends and lovers, afterall.
Just say he can spend his extra sexual energy on porn and be clear with the limits. He may go after you aggressively because it seems like every alternative use of sexual energy is cheating. Just put limits on not allowing sex chatting or sex with anyone else in person.
Sex once every 2 weeks seems really low, though. If you're that tired and busy that 2 orgasms per month is all you have energy for, you probably need to manage your time/energy differently. Maybe he can save you a couple hours by doing more house chores and be rewarded with a good **** with his favourite sexy lady. Sex a few times a week is pretty important to keep couples intimately together. Sex is the main difference between friends and lovers, afterall.
I know you've already gotten a lot of responses, but I wanted to tell you my thoughts.
It seems to me that he does not respect your needs and desires. He is coercing you into having sex with him. Coersion is not a good thing. I was in a relationship with a man who would constantly coerce me into sex and when I finally stood up and told him no, he ended up taking it from me anyway. I definitely am not saying your husband will do this to you, but I don't want to see it happen to you, ever, either.
My recommendation would be to seek out a couples therapist that you can both go to for some help with this. He or she may be able to help you find middle ground where you can both be happy and satisfied.
My thoughts are with you.
It seems to me that he does not respect your needs and desires. He is coercing you into having sex with him. Coersion is not a good thing. I was in a relationship with a man who would constantly coerce me into sex and when I finally stood up and told him no, he ended up taking it from me anyway. I definitely am not saying your husband will do this to you, but I don't want to see it happen to you, ever, either.
My recommendation would be to seek out a couples therapist that you can both go to for some help with this. He or she may be able to help you find middle ground where you can both be happy and satisfied.
My thoughts are with you.
Thank you all!
Rainbow I am healthy, may be just minor depression. My doctor does not even think I need medications for this. For some reason I just need more sleep lately. I'm fine during the day, but in the evening it feels like somebody just turn swich off - no energy, just drop down to bed.
Rainbow I am healthy, may be just minor depression. My doctor does not even think I need medications for this. For some reason I just need more sleep lately. I'm fine during the day, but in the evening it feels like somebody just turn swich off - no energy, just drop down to bed.
Thanks for recognizing that not ALL men are the same.You said it: we're not programmed sex robots.
I'm still waiting to hear if the original poster got a complete medical examination, since she DID admit that it was a drop in HER libido that was the change. This CAN be serious, or just a minor hormonal imbalance.
But it needs an MD to check it out.
I'm still waiting to hear if the original poster got a complete medical examination, since she DID admit that it was a drop in HER libido that was the change. This CAN be serious, or just a minor hormonal imbalance.
But it needs an MD to check it out.
I LOVED reading your comment above! What a breath of fresh air! Hahahaha
The truth is we are all humans with our own genetic codes. Even our individual sexual desires, partners, and energy levels are preprogramed. When young all that was on my mind was sex. I never thought I would ever get enough of it. After some years, marriage, pregnancies, child rearing, work, home responsibilities, major gardening canning freezing and drying food stuff, and minor farming for meat, I was getting physically and mentally tired. Feeling like I was carrying the major part of the load, with few rewards coming my way, I grew depressed. That again killed more sex drive on my part. Hubby was still going strong with just his job, come home and play. I was exhausted physically. But I remained a good sport More years of this put me in the hospital psych ward, and still hubby didn't wake up. Years again later he woke up when I decided to leave. I still loved him no less, but I was soon on a death bed and I wasn't going tpo let that happen. Now 37 years into the marriage, he is wide awake that we are partners, he almost lost me, and now it is time to grow up and live responsibily. Unfortunately in our early sixties, there is no sex. But what we have is better. We talk, hold each other a lot, date, travel, enjoy our cats, and expanding families. I wouldn't trade anything now for what I had when I was younger, except my children as children, and enjoy volunteer work and worthy organizations.
Men are not programmed robots that have to have sex every night no matter if the partner is up to it. People are human. They get tired and sleep has precidence over sex sometimes and this should be respected and honored. If one fears the mate will look elsewhere for sex, the relationship may not be what you want it to be. Nights with no sex has not sent my hubby out looking for some female replacement, or for gays, a male replacement. There should be more in a relationship that just wild sex. Love, caring, honor, appreciation, friendship, laughter, gentleness, respect, honesty, openness, reality but lots of wonderful imagination and playfulness.
The truth is we are all humans with our own genetic codes. Even our individual sexual desires, partners, and energy levels are preprogramed. When young all that was on my mind was sex. I never thought I would ever get enough of it. After some years, marriage, pregnancies, child rearing, work, home responsibilities, major gardening canning freezing and drying food stuff, and minor farming for meat, I was getting physically and mentally tired. Feeling like I was carrying the major part of the load, with few rewards coming my way, I grew depressed. That again killed more sex drive on my part. Hubby was still going strong with just his job, come home and play. I was exhausted physically. But I remained a good sport More years of this put me in the hospital psych ward, and still hubby didn't wake up. Years again later he woke up when I decided to leave. I still loved him no less, but I was soon on a death bed and I wasn't going tpo let that happen. Now 37 years into the marriage, he is wide awake that we are partners, he almost lost me, and now it is time to grow up and live responsibily. Unfortunately in our early sixties, there is no sex. But what we have is better. We talk, hold each other a lot, date, travel, enjoy our cats, and expanding families. I wouldn't trade anything now for what I had when I was younger, except my children as children, and enjoy volunteer work and worthy organizations.
Men are not programmed robots that have to have sex every night no matter if the partner is up to it. People are human. They get tired and sleep has precidence over sex sometimes and this should be respected and honored. If one fears the mate will look elsewhere for sex, the relationship may not be what you want it to be. Nights with no sex has not sent my hubby out looking for some female replacement, or for gays, a male replacement. There should be more in a relationship that just wild sex. Love, caring, honor, appreciation, friendship, laughter, gentleness, respect, honesty, openness, reality but lots of wonderful imagination and playfulness.
I use to be in your shoes. Sounds like your man may be a "sex addict." This has nothing to do with the amount of sex you may or may not give him. He will more than likely find it other places (ex:internet, massage parlors, strip clubs, etc) regardless of how available you are to him sexually. This is not a healthy place for either of you to be. I would urge you both to go to couples counseling. He may not be ready to admit this is a problem just yet though. My spouse had to come to a breaking point where I found out a lot of stuff he had hidden from me so I threatened to leave.
That being said, this also probably means you have your own set of issues that you may or may not be aware of. It's like our therapist has said, if your cup is full, then you most likely will be attracted to those who's cups are full as well. But, if your cup is missing something, you will settle for those who's cups are also lacking. By that, I don't mean you are to blame for your husband's actions, but rather, you more than likely have some stuff to work out as well separately. Even if he refuses counseling, if you have the insurance to cover it or the money to, go. Chances are you won't regret going.
That being said, this also probably means you have your own set of issues that you may or may not be aware of. It's like our therapist has said, if your cup is full, then you most likely will be attracted to those who's cups are full as well. But, if your cup is missing something, you will settle for those who's cups are also lacking. By that, I don't mean you are to blame for your husband's actions, but rather, you more than likely have some stuff to work out as well separately. Even if he refuses counseling, if you have the insurance to cover it or the money to, go. Chances are you won't regret going.
I think guys in general usually have higher sex drives over women. We get tired too and sometimes have more demands made of our times, like caregiving, etc.
I would sit down and be open with him. Maybe you could have a couple nights off a week . I don't think it's abuse, but I think also he should respect you are tired and back off of you.
I would sit down and be open with him. Maybe you could have a couple nights off a week . I don't think it's abuse, but I think also he should respect you are tired and back off of you.
I will repeat it again, since the last time I said it was in the middle of a long post:
IF YOU HAVE HAD A MAJOR CHANGE, EITHER PHYSICAL OR EMOTIONAL, IN RECENT YEARS, GET A COMPLETE MEDICAL CHECK UP. Since your libido (sex drive) appears to be the main problem (I say appears - it might just be your basic energy level) I would suggest your gynocologist.
* * * *
And please, ladies, can you stop making generalizations about us men? Admittedly, as a gay man I might not be as "typical" a Neanderthal as some of your husbands, or other men you know, but guess what? We DO like to cuddle. Just not as often, or for as long. And I wouldn't make genralizations about gay men, either. I know some who are just as much "wham-bam-thank-you-Sam" as their straight frat brothers, I know some who as soft and cuddly as any of YOU, and play rough sports to relax after working construction all day. (Yes, we are not all hair-dressers and interior designers - you should see what a mess our place is, and I cannot trim my own beard - and we don't own a poodle but a Rottweiler.)
Just as we cannot make generalizations about women, please stop thinking about men as a bunch of hormone driven apes. (but some are) Although it IS true that we are genetically coded to demand possession of the remote control for the TV. My lover and I solved that one by getting a spare. We survived 27 years in a society that rejects us by learning to compromise. Even about differing sexual needs. Two men who don't ALWAYS need it???
IF YOU HAVE HAD A MAJOR CHANGE, EITHER PHYSICAL OR EMOTIONAL, IN RECENT YEARS, GET A COMPLETE MEDICAL CHECK UP. Since your libido (sex drive) appears to be the main problem (I say appears - it might just be your basic energy level) I would suggest your gynocologist.
* * * *
And please, ladies, can you stop making generalizations about us men? Admittedly, as a gay man I might not be as "typical" a Neanderthal as some of your husbands, or other men you know, but guess what? We DO like to cuddle. Just not as often, or for as long. And I wouldn't make genralizations about gay men, either. I know some who are just as much "wham-bam-thank-you-Sam" as their straight frat brothers, I know some who as soft and cuddly as any of YOU, and play rough sports to relax after working construction all day. (Yes, we are not all hair-dressers and interior designers - you should see what a mess our place is, and I cannot trim my own beard - and we don't own a poodle but a Rottweiler.)
Just as we cannot make generalizations about women, please stop thinking about men as a bunch of hormone driven apes. (but some are) Although it IS true that we are genetically coded to demand possession of the remote control for the TV. My lover and I solved that one by getting a spare. We survived 27 years in a society that rejects us by learning to compromise. Even about differing sexual needs. Two men who don't ALWAYS need it???
Why do you think "it is not man's job to clean the house"? Women nowdays work too, and sometimes get more money than men.
kitty, I'll turn that one around on you - ;D - give a guy all the sex he wants and he'll be MOST happy (i mean, really HAPPY) to wash the kitchen floor.
Happier than he would be if he wasn't getting much sex but I was scrubbing the floor.
Happier than he would be if he wasn't getting much sex but I was scrubbing the floor.
As for men helping around the house that is not there job an hey will resent u for it i will do my job and my husband can do his now as for takin the kid's on a sat for some alone time would be nice but i don't want anyone doing my job for me a house should be clean i think for the husband when he comes home from a long day's work and for that matter i want my house clean for me and my children it is not a man's job to clean the house maybe im old-fashion on that one not sure but the man bring's home the bacon and deservies a clean house an if he dosen't come home to aclean house then he is not a happy man.
Someone said above that sex is huge part of a marriage, well i disagree yes it comes with marriage but it isn't huge what is huge is raising ur children to be the best they can be college etc... men alway's want sex and it is such a turn off how abt a nice back rub without sex being the motive why can't men be more giving it alway's has to be abt the man what happen to the special thing's for women if men would show a side tha wasn't a work up to sex they might get it more often.Why can't the men make a nice candle lite dinner and a big bubble bath etc.....Men aren't what the use to be.My husband has a prob and can't seem to get it up we snuggle in bed and im happy with that bcuz im tired to @the end of the day 3 kid's.Word of the day gentalmen do any of u guy's out here know what thatis anymore?My situation is reversed and i want sex sometimes also but i sur wouldn't bother someone abt it serious turn off i think it is harrasment when the man or women just keep's on when the other is so tired and they just want to go to sleep show some damn respect to the person u are suppose to love and maybe u will get love in return.kitty/melissa.
I agree with Rose about it being a two way street. I have some conflict in my relationship on this topic. He wants more sex, I want more sleep. I try not to say things that put his needs and mine in conflict. The answer is not either or in my eyes, but a spiteful comment from a tired grouchy spouse isn't helpful.
It also really helps if I ask for what I need. I think that is easier for some ppl than others. I have found that if my hubby helps around the house and lets me rest (Saturday mornings are great for this) I feel supported, less tired and closer to him. That helps me want more sex.
Communication about sex can be challenging, but it's worth the effort. Best of luck 2u.
It also really helps if I ask for what I need. I think that is easier for some ppl than others. I have found that if my hubby helps around the house and lets me rest (Saturday mornings are great for this) I feel supported, less tired and closer to him. That helps me want more sex.
Communication about sex can be challenging, but it's worth the effort. Best of luck 2u.
I will tell u what is bad is being my age and my husband being older and he never want's sex mabey 1nce a mo or twice it makes me feel ugly and unwanted .Im sick of it.I have been in a marriage were itwas like this and that is awful also. I really don't want sex either it is just the idea he dosen't want it.He will cheat any man NOT getting sex the way they want it just seem's to be their nature a women like was said in a post here will jst go without and i do because idon't cheatbut theris something in a man that most of the time can't be stopped ur hubby sound' like he may have issue's so i would just try every now and then try taking a really hot bath put on a dab of make-up a little perfum and relax and just try anyway im not one to even be giving advice but i know how i see it.
Are you in menopause? Maybe your hormones are out of whack. If that is so, desire should return. Most women are sexually active long after menopause.
So what changed in the last 3-4 years? The amount of sex he seems to need, or your tiredness and lack of interest?
(not pointing fingers - this was how you described it)
(not pointing fingers - this was how you described it)
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