Is this forum still active?

[HollyHaunted]

Please help, i can't move on from all the memories of
the abusive relationship that destroyed my life. Im just an empty
shell of a human being, just cant get over how he treated me and how
i was so abused, controlled, and degraded. im so ashamed it ended nearly 2
years ago!! Its like am still trapped in it, the memories play like a film
in my head 24/7 its relentless torture!! is it ptsd? Even tho the guy is
prob happily married and living a great new life am stuck in the memories
and torment of the past!! I just want the pain to stop, i have done so much
to try move on new boyfriends, jobs, places, travel, nothing has stopped it
starting from the time i open my eyes in the morning till i close them at night
and then i have nightmares, it doesn't stop. Im desperate to just not think about
it anymore, but it never leaves me, its like am haunted! how can i wipe out the
memories. Please help, i just can't cope any longer.

[lilymoon]

That sounds awful! May I ask do you have help like therapy?It can really help.lily

[allmymarbles]

What was the nature of the abuse? Do you have any children with him? How long were you together?

[margypops]

Try not to over think, stay busy , if you work throw your self into it, it may not seem easy but you can form a habit of controlling your thoughts , they are often what make us feel bad. Its impossible to experience any negative feeling without first creating a corresponding thought..The truth is ,our thinking will always create the reality we perceive .It will take a little time but it can become a habit, switch off the negative and switch on the positive in your life ..

[robinlove]

  Hi.
     I just separated from my abuse husband in august 2010.
It sounds an awful lot like I have and am going through.
I think I have some ptsd.  I get flashbacks. He wants to get together again.
Please see a doctor first, you may need meds to help you get through this. Yes I know the hell you endured.  The only way, I think we can lessen the pain of the past is work through it. Why should we suffer anymore????? Beating ourselves up. What makes you think he is married? HA. People that abuse usually have been abused. My husband wasn't.  I think he is mentally ill.  You want to talk?   I will try to stop here .
robin

[HollyHaunted]

Thanks for your responses guys... It was emotional and psychological abuse, he never beat me up, but he pushed me around a few times, pushed me over in front of his brother, threw a chair at me, and tried to push me down the stairs once...all of which which makes me feel ashamed, i am tempted to say i suppose its not as bad  as physical but the damage it has done to me mentally controlling me by confusing me, taunting me and insulting me and tearing me down for 2 years. he was a secret serial *****, he even took part in a sick game in his town with loads of other guys. there was this girl that was legendarily known as the 'everest' virgin, for some physical reason she couldnt have sex, so every guy would have a go to see if he could be the one to be the king cherry popper and deflower the most challenging, unfuckable virgin around, he found out about this and wanted to claim the sick title so he befriended her, got her to trust him and manipulated her to thinking he was a nice guy and he wanted to be her boyfriend, he managed to do the deed then stood up and laughed at her saying 'by the way i have a girlfriend' and walked out!! So after he used and abused and degraded her for 6 months, she had enough and got in touch with me via facebook, and told me what a horror my boyfriend was, but what she told me was the tip of the iceberg....i found out hed had a secret life behind my back and all his family and friends not only knew but encouraged it and smiled at me like everything was great everytime i saw them.....i was with a jekyl and hyde monster *****, i found some of his old messages and he used to call it "going on the hunt'!! he was with about 20 girls, without using condoms, and had lots of internet sex with webcams and his fuckbuddy friends worldwide..
the whole time we were together i knew something was weird, i was soo unhappy but he would be so controlling and manipulate me to thinking i was paranoid everytime id say he was cheating on me, cos he didnt have the decency to admit it and finish things. he told me i was ugly, worthless, made me lose weight, even when i was 85 pounds he said i was too fat..wouldnt go out nce places cos he wouldnt want me to dress up and look pretty
theres so much more,, such a long story..what haunts me the most is his laughing, cruel taunting face in my face insulting me,, intimidating me.. i see it 24/7 and cant switch the insults and bad memories off, plus the awful truth of some good times that we had were never good cos it was all lies. so ive lost my past , present and future.. we planned to get married and have a family and future. i dont want him back, i dont want this sick inner poisonous rage and shame, i just want to NEVER think of him and not feel anymore pain and shame or rage for what he did to me ever again but the thoughts are just there 24/7!! please tell me how to control them...
i just feel so empty, i have nothing...ive been destroyed and hes off in another country living happily ever after with his new girlfriend because he said he treats her really well cos he feels bad about how he treated me

[HollyHaunted]

the worst thing is that its nearly 2 years since it finished and im still in total trauma, unable to move on whilst hes prob happily married and i wont even be a blip in his memory. his actions have had a devasting affect on my life, whereas he probably wouldnt remember his name and is treating his new girlfriend with such decency and respect the injustice of it is too much to bear

[RockRose]

Holly,  your story is so  very familiar on this board - have you posted it before under a different name?  Your story is so ringing familiar.

If you haven't been here before (or even if you have) and IF this is all true what you are posting,  I think you would benefit from a psychiatric evaluation to determine what type of therapy might be most helpful for you.

Best wishes.

[allmymarbles]

In a sado-macochistic relationship both parties need expert help. The best you can do is to get the help you need. And, by the way, I don't believe his new girlfriend is having a wonderful life with him. A perverted animal like him does not change.