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How do I stop being verbally abusive?
How do I stop being verbally abusive. My jokes hurt my family. My words cut through like a knife. I comment about everything and the worst of it all is that I don't even mean to do it. I am sarcastic that once was cute and funny now comes across as abusive and controlling. What do I do?
It's called leveling. you don't feel good about yourself, so you bring people down to your size. They get upset, and verifies the poor self image. work on your self esteem, with some charity work, and goals, and execercise. if it's still a problem, see a therapist. t's deep rooted.
The fact that you are aware of your behaviour is a good sign. There is no easy cure for foot in mouth syndrome. We as humans, don't feel to think, we think to feel. You don't know its hot unless you touch it. Etc.
We need to relearn our thinking process, entirely. Sure, you are allowed to think what you like to think, but keep it in your head. Analyse it. Those few extra seconds when you are thinking things over before you decide to let them fly out of your mouth could save you, and someone else from being hurt. Let people know that you are working on trying to be a nicer person to be around, and that you know you have said and probably will say some things that aren't so nice in the future. But make an honest effort to let those thoughts flow around in your head before you open up the flood gates. Ask yourself : "How would I like to be answered?" "What would happen to them if I told them what I am thinking the way that it flopping around in my head right at this moment?" "Is this appropriate, and is it something I honestly would take offense to if it were me in their situation?"
Those are all good starting points, and ones to be considered. There is no right or wrong answer. Learning to rethink is a hard road, and definitely does not happen overnight.
Perhaps some therapy for yourself couldn't hurt either. They would be more apt and able to answer your questions on how to relearn thinking process so you don't hurt people in your life.
Best of luck,
Meli
We need to relearn our thinking process, entirely. Sure, you are allowed to think what you like to think, but keep it in your head. Analyse it. Those few extra seconds when you are thinking things over before you decide to let them fly out of your mouth could save you, and someone else from being hurt. Let people know that you are working on trying to be a nicer person to be around, and that you know you have said and probably will say some things that aren't so nice in the future. But make an honest effort to let those thoughts flow around in your head before you open up the flood gates. Ask yourself : "How would I like to be answered?" "What would happen to them if I told them what I am thinking the way that it flopping around in my head right at this moment?" "Is this appropriate, and is it something I honestly would take offense to if it were me in their situation?"
Those are all good starting points, and ones to be considered. There is no right or wrong answer. Learning to rethink is a hard road, and definitely does not happen overnight.
Perhaps some therapy for yourself couldn't hurt either. They would be more apt and able to answer your questions on how to relearn thinking process so you don't hurt people in your life.
Best of luck,
Meli
When I was younger(especially high school)I was very sarcastic,quick witted people thought I was hilarious.I learned2curb that a lot as I got older(not cute anymore+u get smarter as u age so the "jokes" start2seem mean+malicious).
Thank you. I believe your right. Thinking ahead is great advice. Sometimes I just don't think at all before I talk and that seems to be the key.
It's good that you have this insight, and want to not be hurtful anymore.
Just stop, is the thing. It's a habit, and it will take you awhile to extinguish the habit, but once you start trying to be mindful of being positive and loving instead of biting and rude, your habit will change and then you won't have to think about it so hard, it will just come naturally.
Also, if you plan ahead to say things that are kind, you can have the thoughts at the ready and will be prepared. "I thought of you while I watched ______movie, you would have loved it". "Did that headache you had yesterday ever go away?"
Your habits will change, and you'll feel great. Glad you're working to change -
Just stop, is the thing. It's a habit, and it will take you awhile to extinguish the habit, but once you start trying to be mindful of being positive and loving instead of biting and rude, your habit will change and then you won't have to think about it so hard, it will just come naturally.
Also, if you plan ahead to say things that are kind, you can have the thoughts at the ready and will be prepared. "I thought of you while I watched ______movie, you would have loved it". "Did that headache you had yesterday ever go away?"
Your habits will change, and you'll feel great. Glad you're working to change -
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I too had the same problem. It took years to stop and I mean that. i still find myself doing it at times and I think after about why the frig I said this or that.
Dont give up :)