I'M SO BAFFLED, PLEASE HELP ME!!!!

[Nurse40]

I apologize if this is long, I'm just really confused right now.  I've been married to my husband for over 14years, known each other for over 16 yrs.  We meet in the military, in which he's still in.  We have 3 kids and he has raised my oldest two (now, daughter 21 years and oldest son 17 years) since they were 4 yr and 7mos old. He's the only Dad they really ever known.  We also have a 10 year old son together.  We aren't perfect parents, but we try to do our best.  

When, I was in the military my 1yr old son (now, 17yrs) had gotten sick, he was running a fever, throwing up for like 2wks.  So, i was going back inforth to the military doctors.  The doctors had no clue what was wrong with my baby.  I was starting to get up set cause they was perscribing him all kinds of meds and couldn't give me no diagnois for his sickness.   As I told you, I was in the military and I was dating my husband at this time, well, I had duty, the next day which required me to go to work in the morning and return home after working hours on the next day.  Well, a day after me taking my son to the doctor, i had duty and my boyfriend (husband now) was home with the kids, he had called me around midnight saying he had check on the kids and that my son was asleep, but he sounding funny and breathing funny.  So, we decided that he was going to take him to the hospital and I'll meet him there.  When I got there a few hours later the doctor, told me that they needed my to signature, cause my son needed to have emergency surgery to his abdomin. So, of course I signed and was asking the staff and my boyfriend what was going on. My boyfriend didn't know and the nurses were acting stand offish. They next thing I know the Social Worker is there asking me where was I and they said my boyfriend punch my son in the stomach, but he denieding it and they will be taking my kids and moving them with my mom and that she will see us in court. Lie deteter was even done, which came back conclusive.  It went on for months, we got a lawyer paid he $2000 and he demand more which we didn't have for him to continue.  So, was assigned a public defender, who seem pretty good. She told us that there is no edivence of abuse, but they still going to want my boyfriend to plead guilty, which we didn't want him to do, we wanted to go to Jury court, but the defender stated it's up to us but she advise up to plead guility, (also had to do parent classes, boyfriend had to do angremanagement counseling) and then after a few months it will down to lesser charge and after so many years he can have it expunged off record. Eventually, all that was done and my kids move back home he was 2 1/2 old and it seem okay.

Now, my daughter and son has been mad at us lately and now they're saying that my husband hit him in the stomach and cause the scar on his stomach and he has been mad at us for years and that why he's been walking around angry.... And now, my husband and I hurt and don't know what to do.   Oh yeah, my kids had told my sister recently and now my sister wants to take it to a talk show, so they give my husband a lie detector on national t.v.

Please help me!!!!

[kittycat1433]

I can't belive someone would stay with a person after what your husband has done!He need's a good *** whoopin. and prison!! if i found out my husband was abusing one of my children that would be it OVER.How is it u are standing by this man that beat ur baby up?Ppl sometimes i guess just don't know how important their childen are! Alot of women dump their kid's anywhere let them go places they don't even know the parent's diffrent thing's that put their children.Im not perfect but this day and time it's a very dangerous world out here and u HAVE to watch ur children and who is around them the ppl u least expect are usually the one's who do such horriable thing's they do it becuz u trust them and they play off of that.Anyway i could go on &on but i don't thinkit would do a lick of good.  

[kathy434]

This is a very interesting story indeed.  I think you need to investigate that medical history further.  I also think you need to really listen to your children's position on those events as kids remember what has happened to them at age two, especially when they have been slugged in the stomach.  There can be liver lacerations, ruptured bowel, perforated stomach, bruised heart, ruptured spleen, broken ribs; any number of injuries unseen to the naked eye.  Beatings and other forms of abuse can bring on vomiting from sheer trauma, both mentally and physically.  It is suspicious that after repeated trips to the medical facility for vomiting, that they were unable to remedy the problem the first or second try.  Kids dehydreate much quicker than adults through vomiting.  Vomiting is taken seriously with a 2 year old who is not otherwise sick.
You need to get into those records where the attorney advised your husband to plead guilty.  You should have been questioning this advice then and learning why your legal counsel emphasised pleading guilty.
Your husband was then ordered anger management classes.  That my dear should have been icing on the cake, that he has a serious anger problem and that he likely had hit your baby multiple times.
Honestly, how has your husband handled his anger over 14 years?  Has the family been walking on egg shells, avoiding home as much as possible, more non communitative and just staying out of his way?  Obviously your kids are very angry.  Mom you had better wake up and open your eyes.  There has been a problem brewing for a long time.  Your children deserve open honest answers.  You deserve the truth.  If your husband won't get into counseling, you and your children need to go--NOW.  Your children deserve to get their own lives back into health and happiness (it can be done) and you need to know yourself as well as your husband much bettrer than you do now.  Support your children.  They need you.  You owe them that.

[kenneltech]

Never, never, NEVER take the word of anyone over your own children, ever!  I would be angry too!  This is what happened to me, and I've hated my mother ever since.  Sorry, but this abuser took a lie detector test and failed, and you still married him???

[perch101]

Just a couple of quick questions - When you say the lie detecter test said 'conclusive' - conclusive of what - that he did or did not do it?
Also........ why did the public defender tell your husband it was better for him to plead guilty?
Do you know what surgery was preformed on your son - what the actual abdominal operation was?
Sorry for the questions, just trying to get a clearer picture.

[margypops]

I have to tell you I am a bit bewildered you said there was no evidence of abuse yet the lie detector came back conclusive .?/I dont really understand because if you son was punched in the stomach at the age they would know if he had been abused .so what do you mean ...?