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How to Help my Child
I have a very sweet four year old little boy (We'll call him "M" to spare his identity). Anyways, this little boy is such a good boy but in an unhealthy situation. Since the day he was born he I've cared for him, provided everything he needed, and loved him with everything I had. " M" is my fourth child, and I with each baby, I've enjoyed parenting more and more. The anxiety that usually comes with first timers, wasn't there. I was ready for him!! Anyways, after surviving an abusive relationship with his father and being kicked out by his father at 8 months pregnant, I made sure that "M" had everything he needed. He was safe and loved. I went back to work after 1 week after birth. I had a friend of 10 years help me care for him - she charged me nothing. She too is my angel. "M"'s father had nothing to do with him for the first 1 1/2 years of his life; denying paternity, refusing to pay child support per the court order, and overall just being difficult. When "M" was about 1-2 months old, I took out an emergency restraining order on his father (who was a police officer). He refused to allow me to leave the house. ( He decided on one random day that he wanted to see the baby - so, trying to encourage a realtionship between him and baby, I brought him over). His plan was to let me leave but keep the baby. I called 911 and got a police escort from the house. Immediatley, I petitioned the magistrate for an EPO (Emergency Protective Order), then after 48 hours an PPO-granted by a judge. During ne next 6-7 months "dad" had nothing to do with the baby - No contact what so ever. Then, in December of 2005, a judge finally determined paternity (duh) and he was forced to pay 300 per month in support. This is when the battle began.
During my pregnancy, a close friend of over 10 years had been an emotional support for me. He was a good friend and actually took to the baby. Over a few months he was involved in both of our lives constantly. As time progressed our realtionship evolved into a romantic one. In February of 2006, I relocated about 3 hours from the baby's bio-dad, got a GREAT job, and was finally on a path to happiness and stability. Immediatley I was bombarded with Show Causes, Court Dates, Petitions, you name it! The bio-dad didn't want a realtionship with the baby unless it was on HIS terms - because to him, it was all about him and what he wanted...typical.
Over the years we battled in court. Unfortunatley, because I spent so much time driving 3 hours away to court, I ended up loosing my job. He would lie to the courts and tell them anything, just so he could file a petition to get me back into court and out of work. This in turn caused a huge financial hardship. He also had laywers (he could afford it, he didnt pay support and he had nothing to do with " M" - I, on the other hand, could not afford a lawyer. So many things had happenned over the years to "M" - a judge said that his father had rights and that at 1.5 years old I had to allow him to visit with his dad 3 hours away, even though he had no idea who this strange man was. So, at the end of court that day, I had to turn the baby over immediatley for 2 weeks of visitation. I can only imagine how confused and scared "M" was! 2 weeks later he came back to me a different baby. He was skittish, afraid of the bathtub and water. After his next visitation he came back to me and had dropped 5 lbs.! turned out he was sick and vomiting, but dad refused to have him seen. He said if anything happenned to the baby it would be my fault becasue I "refused" to hand over a health insurance card. (I hadn't even gotten one yet!) Once my son could talk he complained that his uncle (dad's brother) grabbed his privates and squeezed. My son also informed me that his dad slept with him naked in his Sponge Bob bed. I reported it to social services, but they said there was nothing they could do and it was unfounded. I tried taking him to a child psychatrist (which was nearly impossible to find someone who would help a child so young), however when this went to court...the judge and guardian at litem commented that I had no right to do such a thing and what kind of mother was I to subject the baby to this kind of treatment? They told me I should have talked to the dad about this (oh, like they expected him to tell me the TRUTH?) After all of this they said I was financially unstable and gave custody to his father. I nearly fell out of my chair. There is so much extra detail that I couldnt put in here, but believe me, it gets worse! The judge said that becasue he lived in his house longer, owned it instead of rented it, and showed more financial stabiltiy that he was "more fit" - never did the courts take into account mental and emotional stability...the fact he has NEVER raised a child, the fact that I had custody of my other 3 children...I consulted with more local attorneys who all said the same thing, " Oh, you had THAT judge? She almost ALWAYS sides with the fathers."
To this day "M', who is now 4, is peppered with questions by his bio-dad about me and my private life. He HATES my husband, who has loved and cared for my son as his own. He has shown him more genuine love and attention than his own father has. "M's father didnt even want him to come visit me because he said that he thought that I was living with my boyfriend, which would be a violation of the court order. Little does he know that that "boyfriend" is now my husband. He claimed that because I'm in school and unemployed, that I couldnt be able to feed my son if he visited. He then had the AUDACITY to ask if he could come and inspect my house and cupboard for food. I just couldnt believe what the courts allow him to do! They NEVER stop him! Even though he has custody, he is on this witch hunt, always trying to find SOMTHING wrong when there is nothing. when he finally gave in and said that my son could visit me, he said that during the visit he was going to drive up and check on him and come visit him.
This man is still a police officer. He will do whatever it takes to get what he wants. He doesn't care if he emotionally destroyes my son - he doesnt see it that way. He sees it as that since we had a child together he should have control over who I'm with -preferable noone. He refuses to speak to anyone, he causes unecessary hostility and tenstion. He wont even acknowledge that my husband is the one who took on his role for nearly 2 years - and never said "thanks". He will however tell my 4 year old that (my husband) is a bad guy and that he's going to take him to jail.
I've reported everything that's happenned at the time it occurrred. I've documented everything in my own journal. I've tried to do everything I can think of - but in the end it takes money and a lawyer. If noone believes me, please consider this....courts have a tendency to treat you better when you have money. Right now, it is SO frustruating that I can't help my child get out of this unhealthy circumstance because I can't afford an attorney. I have constulted with a few, and they have all said because of my documentation, the statements my son is making and other evidence that is in place, I would have an excelent shot at getting my little one back where he belongs.
Is there ANYONE who can help me? The courts have forbidden me to seek medical treatment for my son unless it is an emergency (this is to include counciling) ...His lawer suggested that I was being vindictive. I feel like the system is failing and I am being forced to sit by and watch as he tries to control my child and do whatever he wants to him. Why wont anyone listen to me? Even my 15 yr old daughter can verbalize her experience with "M"'s father...she has alot of testimony about his porn addiction and inapporpriate statements about her and my oldest son. Again, I've reported EVERYTHING! Here in Virginia, unless there is physical evidence- you've got nothing. Can someone help us please?
During my pregnancy, a close friend of over 10 years had been an emotional support for me. He was a good friend and actually took to the baby. Over a few months he was involved in both of our lives constantly. As time progressed our realtionship evolved into a romantic one. In February of 2006, I relocated about 3 hours from the baby's bio-dad, got a GREAT job, and was finally on a path to happiness and stability. Immediatley I was bombarded with Show Causes, Court Dates, Petitions, you name it! The bio-dad didn't want a realtionship with the baby unless it was on HIS terms - because to him, it was all about him and what he wanted...typical.
Over the years we battled in court. Unfortunatley, because I spent so much time driving 3 hours away to court, I ended up loosing my job. He would lie to the courts and tell them anything, just so he could file a petition to get me back into court and out of work. This in turn caused a huge financial hardship. He also had laywers (he could afford it, he didnt pay support and he had nothing to do with " M" - I, on the other hand, could not afford a lawyer. So many things had happenned over the years to "M" - a judge said that his father had rights and that at 1.5 years old I had to allow him to visit with his dad 3 hours away, even though he had no idea who this strange man was. So, at the end of court that day, I had to turn the baby over immediatley for 2 weeks of visitation. I can only imagine how confused and scared "M" was! 2 weeks later he came back to me a different baby. He was skittish, afraid of the bathtub and water. After his next visitation he came back to me and had dropped 5 lbs.! turned out he was sick and vomiting, but dad refused to have him seen. He said if anything happenned to the baby it would be my fault becasue I "refused" to hand over a health insurance card. (I hadn't even gotten one yet!) Once my son could talk he complained that his uncle (dad's brother) grabbed his privates and squeezed. My son also informed me that his dad slept with him naked in his Sponge Bob bed. I reported it to social services, but they said there was nothing they could do and it was unfounded. I tried taking him to a child psychatrist (which was nearly impossible to find someone who would help a child so young), however when this went to court...the judge and guardian at litem commented that I had no right to do such a thing and what kind of mother was I to subject the baby to this kind of treatment? They told me I should have talked to the dad about this (oh, like they expected him to tell me the TRUTH?) After all of this they said I was financially unstable and gave custody to his father. I nearly fell out of my chair. There is so much extra detail that I couldnt put in here, but believe me, it gets worse! The judge said that becasue he lived in his house longer, owned it instead of rented it, and showed more financial stabiltiy that he was "more fit" - never did the courts take into account mental and emotional stability...the fact he has NEVER raised a child, the fact that I had custody of my other 3 children...I consulted with more local attorneys who all said the same thing, " Oh, you had THAT judge? She almost ALWAYS sides with the fathers."
To this day "M', who is now 4, is peppered with questions by his bio-dad about me and my private life. He HATES my husband, who has loved and cared for my son as his own. He has shown him more genuine love and attention than his own father has. "M's father didnt even want him to come visit me because he said that he thought that I was living with my boyfriend, which would be a violation of the court order. Little does he know that that "boyfriend" is now my husband. He claimed that because I'm in school and unemployed, that I couldnt be able to feed my son if he visited. He then had the AUDACITY to ask if he could come and inspect my house and cupboard for food. I just couldnt believe what the courts allow him to do! They NEVER stop him! Even though he has custody, he is on this witch hunt, always trying to find SOMTHING wrong when there is nothing. when he finally gave in and said that my son could visit me, he said that during the visit he was going to drive up and check on him and come visit him.
This man is still a police officer. He will do whatever it takes to get what he wants. He doesn't care if he emotionally destroyes my son - he doesnt see it that way. He sees it as that since we had a child together he should have control over who I'm with -preferable noone. He refuses to speak to anyone, he causes unecessary hostility and tenstion. He wont even acknowledge that my husband is the one who took on his role for nearly 2 years - and never said "thanks". He will however tell my 4 year old that (my husband) is a bad guy and that he's going to take him to jail.
I've reported everything that's happenned at the time it occurrred. I've documented everything in my own journal. I've tried to do everything I can think of - but in the end it takes money and a lawyer. If noone believes me, please consider this....courts have a tendency to treat you better when you have money. Right now, it is SO frustruating that I can't help my child get out of this unhealthy circumstance because I can't afford an attorney. I have constulted with a few, and they have all said because of my documentation, the statements my son is making and other evidence that is in place, I would have an excelent shot at getting my little one back where he belongs.
Is there ANYONE who can help me? The courts have forbidden me to seek medical treatment for my son unless it is an emergency (this is to include counciling) ...His lawer suggested that I was being vindictive. I feel like the system is failing and I am being forced to sit by and watch as he tries to control my child and do whatever he wants to him. Why wont anyone listen to me? Even my 15 yr old daughter can verbalize her experience with "M"'s father...she has alot of testimony about his porn addiction and inapporpriate statements about her and my oldest son. Again, I've reported EVERYTHING! Here in Virginia, unless there is physical evidence- you've got nothing. Can someone help us please?
My heart goes out to you, and i wish i knew what to tell you, but i do not i just want you to know that someone cares and i hope that you find a way, it is hard to fight a police officer as they stick up for each other right or wrong i wish you luck jo
hes a cop he knows the sytem. he knows what to say and what not to say.he has friends and can pull strings.remember in the court room cops are always right.he thinks his ....... dont stink .he thinks he makes all the rules.my advice to you ,i know this sounds crazy but i would become a cop (make lots of friends)and beat him at his own game. i know i was raised around the police.you can also make phone calls and find out what lawyer is know for ripping a hole in a cops butt on the stand.they have conections too. i know you dont have alot of money but some layers will take payments.good luck 68suezq
I was highly depressed before reading your post now I am so angry that I could kill that horrible man for what he is doing to your child, mind you I don't have a personality disorder I have breast cancer which is not related to my moods but abuse can truly drive me mad.
I have Googled under "Child abuse and neglect legal help in Virginia" there is so much information that I am sure you will find something that can help you, you need to name your area which of course I will not ask you to tell me. Don't give in to that stupid judge who loves abusive fathers, fight back and report each incident to one of the hot lines. Take a look at this link:
http://www.preventchildabuseva.org/emergency.htm
Like the above link there are hundreds and very many specialized child protection centers. Talk to a social worker in any of the sites, they listen and do help a lot.
Please take a look at the link and Google and mentioned, you must fight back for your little boy.
God bless you.
I have Googled under "Child abuse and neglect legal help in Virginia" there is so much information that I am sure you will find something that can help you, you need to name your area which of course I will not ask you to tell me. Don't give in to that stupid judge who loves abusive fathers, fight back and report each incident to one of the hot lines. Take a look at this link:
http://www.preventchildabuseva.org/emergency.htm
Like the above link there are hundreds and very many specialized child protection centers. Talk to a social worker in any of the sites, they listen and do help a lot.
Please take a look at the link and Google and mentioned, you must fight back for your little boy.
God bless you.
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