WEAVE, Al Anon, or both?

[AmeliaMartin]

Just this year I broke up with my partner of 8 years who abused me. She is an alcoholic and drug abuser. I saw a couple of counselors during my very low times. One was for me and one was for couples therapy. While seeing each of them it was suggested that I also go to Al Anon.

I am now away from my former partner and with another woman who is not at all an abuser of alcohol, drugs, or me. I have a lot of work to do for myself and we both know that. She would like to see me go to Weave for therapy since they specialize in abuse towards women. I agree, but I don't have the money to pay for any counseling services at all and don't have insurance either.

When I have suggested going to Al Anon, she kind of lectures me about why I shouldn't because I am no longer in a relationship with an alcoholic. When I try to explain that I have developed behaviors that are specific to spouses of alcoholics, she still doesn't get it and I'm not good and explaining it because I am such a coward. My mind goes blank, I fill with fear, and then I say ok, agree, or do anything to get out of the conversation.

Am I right in wanting to go to Al Anon or is a waste of my time? If I should go, what do I say to explain that I am still a victim of my old behavior? I want to talk to her so that she hears me, but I am so afraid of being wrong while I'm trying to explain something I think is right. I feel like in the end, she is probably right because her life is on track. Mine isn't so obviously the choices and way I think must be wrong.

Just writing this, I see how I sound. No wonder I'm so messed up! I'm a spineless wonder.

[jeepgirl84]

Do what you feel is right for you! Your partner isn't going thru what you are and should want only the best for you, so she should be understanding. Besides, if it helps you, it will only help build a stronger bond between you and your partner. Also, don't put yourself down, you are not a coward. You feel you have problems that developed from a bad relationship and you want to get over them...that takes courage and determination. You are important so do what is best for YOU! Keep us informed on what decision you make. I wish you all of the best, God Bless.

[motherofsons]

Dear Spineless,

You know you need medicine so go get it.  You know that MAYBE you will find it somewhere if you try,  TRY!  You are responsible for your own health!  No one eats for you.  No one chews your food and swallows it so you will become strong and no one can feed your spirit but you.  What would you tell your child?  Listen to your wisdom.  Will it hurt to go to Al Anon?  NO!  It will help!  At least you will be adding something of value and its free.  Go see. Don't be LAZY!  INvest your time into your health!!!  For once stop asking for approval and do it for you.

I recognize this in you and me.

Signed by,

Damaged Goods!!!

[margypops]

You are not a spineless wonder you are a person made aware of their frailties like us all and trying to cope, I think you go with your own gut and you feel you need/want to go to AlAnon, does it matter if it wastes your time, I doubt it will  .. we are learning all the time.You cannot always do what other people 'think' you should do, so go with your gut.I think therapy is a good thing and very helpful but I also feel that we can get ourselves together with positive thinking, in my life I have come to realise that it is our thoughts that sometimes make us feel bad and the less we dwell on the negative aspects the better. In your post I see someone who has accepted they need some help and going for it ....that makes you a winner..good luck

[kittycat1433]

Did you post again? Because i had a commen't on here last nite and now it's gone.If you have posted again because no one has answered you somtimes it takes a little while for ppl to get bk to you.I was offended when i first starting using this sight don't be offended. like i said ppl will get bk with you sometimes it just takes a little time and patient's:) Kitty.