What is best for my kids AND myself

[Riseabove11502]

I have been with my soon to be ex-husband for 7 years and we have two 7 year old girls. We have been on and off, living together and not for the entire 7 years but we were always still "togehter" He was physically and mentaly abusive and my daughters saw most of it. I did put up with it for 7 years and have recently desided to get a divorse. I met an awsome man that I believe truly cherishes my daughters and I.....here is where I am stuck.....My husband claims to be miserable and said he understands what he did was wrong and he wants to prove that he can be a better husband and most of all a better dad. He has begged me for 10 mos now to come back. He said all that he needs is one chanceand that if I am not happy I can leave. He offered to go to marrige counceling and start slow. I am very happy in my new relationship and it is a very healthy one. Do I need to give my husband a chance to be better for my daughters? They have never been attached to him nor do they ask to see him. I feel guilty that I wont.

[allmymarbles]

I should make myself clearer. Abuse requires two people.

[allmymarbles]

An old, old story. Once an abuser, always an abuser. But an abuser needs an abusee. Are you that abusee? The abuser lavishes love on the abusee to get her back. Are you going to fall for that? If you don't like being an abusee, run for your life!

[fliptwice]

You gave him his chances, many times over 7 years right? Don't loose the happiness and stability you have created for your girls and yourself.  Once an abuser, always an abuser. I know; I grew up in it. Mom would get beat, we would leave, he would get sober or I'm sorry, won't happen again, she would go back. Until the next time he snapped. Think with your head this time, not with your heart.  Be happy, you won't regret it!!!

[skepticalpeach]

Like Margy I wish I could give you the answer you are looking for. If you do let him back into your life and he does relapse again it will confuse and frighten your children. People do deserve second chances, but I would just be very careful. I hope everything goes well for you!

Rachel

[margypops]

This is a tough one and really only you can answer, I know something of abuse so my inclination is to say go start a new life, make sure the children see their Dad a lot as I do believe children need both patrents even divorced, in their lives. On the other hand everyone could use a second chance, you cant do it just for the children, its your life aswell, but if you still have feelings and he means all he says about therapy etc then that could be the way to go,This is tough and its got to be your decision..good luck let us know which way you decide , and thank you for an interesting Question.