Wondering if I should be worried?

[BRE878]

I have no idea if this is abuse or not, but my husband and I have been together for 6 years and recently married since May.  We have been on and off within the past 6 years due to our differences.  Well while being married we have split up twice due to him not trusting me.  I have done nothing for him not to trust me but he just does not trust me.  He started going through my purse, my receipts, my phone, my text messages, my email account, and etc.  So we split because in my previous relationship I was beaten and abused badly and I will not have this happen again.  This however, is different.  I am not sure that this is even abuse but here is the question.  

First question is - we were have sex and then he turns me over and pulls my hair and forced himself inside my rectum.  I am not trying to be gross but and I am sorry.  I was yelling to stop, crying and I started bleeding. After he was done he said nothing to me and thought it was funny.  Is this ok?

Second question is - while wrapping presents for the kids we were watching lifetime channel and it was something about someone killing a woman and he stated that he could kill someone easy and get away with it.  I laughed it off and he said serious, " I could make cement blocks and tie them around YOUR ankles and throw YOU in the water and no one would ever know."  I laughed and said me why use an example on me and he stated that because he has thought about killing me twice.  Should I be worried?  I know this is a stupid question I am worried but I am walking on egg shells so nothing bad happens, he has only touched me once a long time ago and never since then.  But he does play mind games with me a lot so I dont know if I should take this serious or not.  I guess I just need some opinions.  Thanks

[narla]

Yes! It's abuse, yes! you should be worried and yes! you should take this seriously.He raped you,No! this is not OK, he has told you that twice he has thought about killing you,Not OK, he has no respect for you or your privacy.Not OK.This is all in 7 months,it will get worse.Get out of this relationship now,I hope you don't have children with this jerk.Also if you can be strong have him charged with the rape.

PLEASE LEAVE HIM NOW for your own safety-Good Luck    

[BRE878]

What if I do and he tries and kills me.  We do not have any children together but he is fighting for custody of his daughter due to her being abused in her mothers home.  But I am just scared to do anything due to his words and actions.  He wants me to wait on him hand and foot and I do because I dont want anything to happen I have 2 children of my own from my previous marriage and I dont want them to lose me.  I dont really have a choice but to stick it out for a while until I can get some money to make it on my own.  

[narla]

LEAVE-go straight to a safe house or womens refuge,you can't stay with this guy you need to leave now,As soon as he leaves to go out pack up and get you and your children away from him,Your children are also at risk.PLEASE LEAVE as soon as you can.

[jo929]

if you have family or friend they will help also write a letter and give it to someone you trust and get to a shelter get a restraing order, against him, also tell him you have given a letter to a lawyer and if anything happens to you it will be opened naming him there are ways take the kids and go yes he is abusing you, and will keep it up as long as you put up with it go to the police if neccesary, and tell this story, you must do something, let no one treat you this way, or you will be in therapy before it is allover or dead believe me i have seen it close upif you go to the police they may let you buy a weapon, do not be afraid to use it, he would not hesitate  luck  jo

[BRE878]

Thank you so much for  your advice.  I just thought that his actions were like role playing but afterwards he laughed it off and walked away.  I want to leave but he says if I hurt him by leaving then he will hurt me.  He just left for work and I have his daughter this week for her break.  I just don't know how to do it.  I am affraid to tell my family or any of my friends because I'm scared they will say or do something to set him off.  I thank all of you for your response I think I may go stay at my mothers or something until he leaves. I own this property not him.  I once was strong and it all went away and I dont understand how fast it went and why?  Thanks so much for the help I do appreciate it.

[margypops]

I agree with the other posters ...You should tell your family as you will need support,this is abuse... physical and mental ,you need to go and if he threatens you go to the Authorities for protection do not be afraid it is scarier to stay with this kind of man ...Good Luck

[teko]

You need to tell anyone and everyone who will listen to you. Then, you need to take those children and get out. This dude is seriously mental or the very least sickly cruel. Once your out, dont look back for anything, keep going and get a restraining order to keep him from seeking you out. That dude is sick.

[Mememe411]

GET OUT NOW. No more b.s. No more pussyfooting. Call the nearest womens shelter. They will take you and your kids in. They will protect you and he won't know where you are. They will guide you along your path away from him. You cannot live this life of slavery. You are putting your children at risk of the same abuses. GO.

[kathy434]

Please be serious about leaving.  If you don't know who to contact for help, call the police to come get you and take you to a womens shelter.  Your kids need to come with you.  If they refuse, get a neighbor to take you to the police station.  They can then contact a womens shelter and they will come to the police station to take you to the shelter.   From your discription, your husband is sadistic and dangerous and your lives are on the line.  He has already physically traumatized you beyond belief and feels no remorse.  And he has given you plenty of warning that he plans to kill you.  It is not funny.  You MUST leave immediately.  Take your kids and leave without a trace and go to a domestic violence women's shelter. Send his kids to a neighbor.  Tell them nothing of your plan.   DON'T be in contact with him once you leave.  He cannot find you at a shelter unless you contact him.  They will provide you with counsel while you are there and help you get set up someplace safe on your own.  Don't plan on returning to your current home.  Write that letter as suggested and just leave a note to him that the letter is with a lawyer.  Don't try to tell him.  Let him learn about it AFTER you are long gone.  Press charges of rape, assault, terroistic threats agains you and anything else he has done.  Have this guy jailed.  Take your kids out of the school they are attending for now so he has NO access to them, thus to you. Take them with you to the shelter.  GET OUT NOW!

[brum317]

This is abuse! This may be diffiult or you because of the dependecy that you have grown with him. You have to swallow whatever pride you have and leave. Please talk to someone, if family or friends wont believe you, contact the nearest womans shelter. I know it seems a bit over the top, but you have to understand that something like this should not be taken lightly. This is how woman are killed everyday. "Because they could never believe it could happen to them." All it takes is for you to push him over the edge and you'll regret it when the time comes where he is beating you to death. please take care of yourself.

[allmymarbles]

Who cares if he is serious or not about killing you. He has a sick mind. And, at least once, was capable of brutality. Trust your instincts. Leave him.