Yes I need help

[shat]

I talked about my 'problem' to somebody for the first time , first time in almost 18 years, And I am 23,
I never talked about it before because I was fine with it, I had had plenty of time to get over the issue, forgive and forget. But I had never spoken of it to anyone until this guy showed up, I don't know why I did it, we've been good friends for just over a month and I can't believe I trusted him enough to tell him this even though I have never talked about it ... not even to my closest pal, whats wrong with me??? And now I keep thinking about this issue, it wasnt helpful talking about it, ... not at all....I feel sick and dirty and it feels like I've opened an old wound by recollecting the past, I shouldve let sleeping dogs lie...maybe because before yesterday, he would message every hour and well just be very communicative, and now its been almost 24 hours and Ive heard nothing from him, I am sure Ive given him a load to chew on, he must be uncomfortable and thinking oh god what have I got myself into, Im not sure Id have reacted the same way, I actually don't feel so good about myself, a part of me doesnt want to see him again, but I like him a lot, I trust him somehow, but I don't want to face him because he now knows what no other soul knows....isn't it strange? I am learning new things about myself... I never thought I'd be so melancholy about it, I thought I was past it. I am a student, my exams are on my head and all I can think about it is yesterday, my sick story, its affect on my relationship with this fellow and just that... I want to run away somewhere, far far away....

[margypops]

My take on it is anything like this causes Guilt and that makes us feel bad so I say confront it, get it out, speak it out, own up to what happened ,if it was your fault or others ,so many times when children are molested they believe it was them that caused the molestation when it wasnt ,it was the perpetrator.Very often this is where therapy can help, you can confront your demons and let them out .I know thats not easy,to speak out is acknowledging it happened , however it is a way to find peace and acceptance .....

[sadmomma4]

I know what you mean, I thought it was all over for me, but everytime I have "talked" about it to someone in person, I feel like crap.  I have only told a couple of people, and I feel like they look at me differently, like they somehow pity me.  I get that "you poor thing" look and sometimes they come out and say it.  Then after I have talked about it I have nightmares about it for weeks, and I can't quite get over it.  I do not know what this fellow will say to you or if he will say anything, but now that he has that knowledge he needs to make a decision for himself, and it is not something you can make for him, for some reason you felt he deserved to know and now he knows.  My suggestion in the past for what has helped me, if you feel you need to talk about it, do it on a private forum like on here, or with an email buddy or someone where you don't need to see their face, or feel thier sadness or pity.  I hope you can get what you want out of this relationship with him, if he contacts you again, i really hope it is the type of reaction you need from him.  If he doesn't contact you again then you know what kind of strength he has and he is obviously very weak.  Good luck, and if you need to talk, I know I am a pretty messed up person, but I can be a good listener, and I don't pity people.