dont know what to do

[cuterican]

So heres the deal when I was 10 I went on this vaca with my brother to Puerto Rico where my family is from,my brother stay with my grandma n I stay with my aunt. One day when she went to work my uncle decide to take a game or goofing around to holding me down ripping my clothes off (which his was already down) n trying to rape me as I kick n push the neighbor of God save me n yell his name but he didnt really know what was going on he just need to get something but I ran n lock myself in the room. (after that I went to my grandma) Am 23 now n life is great bah bah bah. But this subject is on my mind 24/7 I really wanna tell little bit of ppl in my fam (cuz they dont know yet) but scare that it will turn my fam upside down. I really wanna tell his son but scare to because I dont want.anyone to judge. When my uncle comes to PA where am at now I act like nothing happen but deep down I really wanna speak up n tell people and his son. What should I do? Should I let it go n never talk about it or should I just tell them no matter what comes out of it

[allmymarbles]

In the first place, there are different levels of abuse. Mild abuse is not at all that uncommon and life is not all that perfect. Yes we condemn such behavior, but we should not allow it to dominate our existence. Unfortunate episodes can even serve to strengthen our character.

Serious physical abuse is an altogether different story, and my comments were not directed there.

[lalila]

No I don't think people can cope by just thinking its common or happens to so many women which is not true in the first place. Abuse victims are in the minority and not the majority, and also how would it being common make it more right? You sound so blaise against rape, harrassment, and other things that violate people as if they just needed a stronger attitude and get on with their life. Abuse creates life long psychological and emotional damage that is not possible to reason away. People get on with their life but they still feel pain and a deep sense of violation and fear even when the violator is gone. They could be dead and it wouldn't matter, some things haunt people forever. I don't think anyone should justify it as something that is common and should just get over, I think it's uncommon, sick and unjust and people have every right to feel all kinds of bad feelings towards it and unsettled feelings because it is something people should NEVER be comfortable with. It's NEVER right to be molested. It's disgusting to think every girl has been manhandled at some point it's very not true and an insult to men too, it's not like men all handle women this way, it's a few PERVERTS who do. Don't rationalize it for them. It's totally irrational and sick molesting or making sexual advances towards children. Utterly horrible.

[allmymarbles]

Given the overwhelming percentage of women who have, in one way or another, been sexually molested by a man (mostly non-rape molestation) then the majority of women would be in therapy. This would be a bonus for therapists, but of questionable value to those who were harassed. Almost every Manhattan girl has been pinched in the subway or had her thigh caressed in a movie theater. Does she need therapy or a mother to tell her how to such situations?

In the case of these creepy uncle, yes, the young should be protected from him. the questioner can conduct a quiet underground campaign that would be effecteive.

[overopiates]

N my opinion some therapy will help(it did&is helping me)U want people to know what he tried to do to u and they should know(ur family)if he would do that to his neice as a child there is no telling what else he has done or been capable of.You wont tear ur family apart what he did tore u apart.I would maybe tell a parent(s),siblings first.I would tell his son.U never know he sounds not only like a rapist but child molester&if he did anything2his own kid(s)u may give them the strength2speak up.Most important ur familly will make sure NO child is left with him&put n danger.U r the victim,speak up,take ur power back.U sound like a VERY STRONG,intellegent young lady.Go w/ur gut&ur its saying speak up.U NEED to just to make sure he cant b"sucessful"n any other sick attempts&u may b surprises u give the strength to someone else to speak up.U did nothing wrong&have the right to b honest.N just the last year I told my family about a female cousim(she17me4@the time)who molested me(started the day of my dads funeral).I was terrified to speak up but did@28&feel ao much better.

[allmymarbles]

Getting manhandled by a man at some time in a young girl's life, is not at all uncommon, and maybe is par for the course. As in your case, it usually does not end in rape. A young relative told me of a similar experience and I said, as I say now, that it happens in one form or another to almost every female, and that she should put it behind her.

But you see this uncle all the time and he is at your mercy.  A look in the eye and a subtle disrespect would tell him you remember, and make him perpetually nervous, wondering when you would rat him out. A petty revenge perhaps, but enjoyable. And keep young girls aways from him. Tell them something vague that will make them cautious.

[margypops]

I agree with Kayannaboo but I think you should speak to a family member..at the least, he did abuse and it maybe he has done it to others. I hope you find some peace in time , many folks feel the same you are not alone ..

[Kayannaboo]

Something traumatic happened to you, rape or not, it has affected your life up until now. The fact that you cannot "let it go" (which is not expected of you by the way), means that its not going to be easy to just sit there and say nothing. I understand your dilemma about not wanting to cause problems for your family but unfortunately I cannot tell you what to do. Follow your heart, by the sounds of it, your heart is not telling you to "forget it". Perhaps you can tell a family member you trust, so that it can be a bit gentler as opposed to just springing it on all of them.


Take care.


Anna