father and daughter

[susy423]

I've been with my boyfriend for 11 years and he has a 23 year old daughter that he treats like a five year old. She is in her 5th year of college and he still helps her with her homework. When she's around he will do everything for her. She still talks to him in a baby voice! Then she hints about going to a water park with him, just the two of them. Can't take it anymore!

[overopiates]

Jelousy is a pointless emotion to have n this situation anyway because u&ur bf have a completely different type of love than he has w/his daughter.He is in love with you,plans his future w/u,ur the one who helps him through hard times,that he can tell all his hopes,dreams,fears to.Your his other half and your equals.His daughter is someone though that he has taken the responsability for the rest of his life&he has to b the strong person she can always come to and to an extent he has to the one who"has all the answers"which is tough but it seems like hes done a great job because she went directly into college&is succesful(and gets all her homework done in big part thanks to him).

[margypops]

I agree with both of the above posts , My Dh helped our daughter with her work when she was getting through to college ..we thought it was great .I think it would be a good idea to befriend her and not feel jealous about her , she is his child and always will be ..

[overopiates]

Sorry there a couple typos n there from auto correct.I hope u understand what i was saying especially about what will likely b his response that she is his child and ALWAYS will B

[AnnieBrooke]

It's also been my experience from reading the things stepparents write on this site that stepparents just never really love their stepkids.  They might tolerate them, accept them as part of the package of being with someone who has kids, or even sort of like them as long as the kids don't demonstrate the usual needs and expectations children have of their parents, but I've almost never seen anything written by a stepmom or stepdad about their stepchild that sounded like the stepparent personally accepted the parent role or cared that deeply about the child.  Overo is right when she says the bond between a parent and a child is like no other.  It's obvious that your boyfriend feels it, and it's too bad that you don't feel it, but you don't.  You could leave or stay, but you should understand that he genuinely loves his kid and enjoys her company.  This doesn't make him mean to you, it makes him a good dad.  Your choice, about how to respond to that fact.

[overopiates]

Please understand what Im going to say is meant to help.First she will ALWAYS b5to him he will ALWAYS b there to help her w/anything she needs including homework.He will ALWAYS b  her daddy.She is very lucky to have that type of relationship and so is he.Do u have kids?Its a different bond from anything else.Is she an only child?Im saying this as a woman who didnt have my dad he died when I was4 so I am envious of those who know that bond.I am also a mom of a2yr old boy.Me&my husband would do the same for him at her age.There is nothing wrong with her wanting to do stuff by herself with him thats bonding.I am starting to c that Its more common than i realized for stepparents to have jealousy of there mates child.My husband had that problem w/his stepdad being jealous of him from agree10on whenever his mom would give him attention especially affection.He moved2another state  w/his dad at12to get away from it.He is now36&we moved2where his mom lives and her husband still gets up and leaves when she gives her son attention now she tells him to go cause she missed out on so much so she wont let my husband b the one who is uncomfortable(although he is totally fine w/the attention she gives to my son)her husband never had kids so he doesnt get that ur kids r ALWAYS kids.Me&my mom r SO close she had left men who didnt like her being close to her kids(she has4).She was married twice(2kids from each marriage)my brother is the one other men got jealous of.The main  reason she left MY dad was because he was SO jealous of him(Im29 hes from her1st marriage&10yrs older).I really think u should keep it to urself because they sound really close&u will probably get a response similar to"thats my los always will b deal w/it"&on top of that they will both b pissed and resent u.N all these years did u not bond w/her?Im telling u as a mom if anyone had issues w/my relationship&how close I am w/my son they would b gone and that Includes MY husband who I am madly n love with.Look at it like u have a great man who is reliable,loves unconditionally& is there for whatever the people he loves need.Loving ir child if dar from a flaw.Good luck