is it normal to feel like this

[lynn100]

ok this will sound so strange but when i was little my father sexually abused me off and on until i was about six maybe i never knew if he was ever awake when he did this because we had to share a bed and a room and he always looked like he was asleep his eyes were never opened or anything. it stopped after that because i started laying in my own room at night and i never knew it was wrong until my grandmother told me about kids that have been through that. i never told her or anyone because i didn't want my dad to go to jail or for him to think i hated him. and what was so wierd is that whenever him and my grandmother would talk to me about sexual abuse and how you should always tell somone he never looked as though he had any knowlegde of what happened. i am a teenager now and i have told friends about it and they always say he doesn't seem like that kind of guy. my grandmother has passed away and i am now with my dad, boyfriend, and grandfather and me and my dad get along great. he is very easy to talk to he is always there when i have a problem. i just don't know if he knows what he did or if my childish mind made something up. i am very scared because i recently got anxiety and people say that sexually abused children grow up to have mental disorders am i going to be like that even though i really have no hatred or fear towards my father for something that happened almost ten years ago. i mean i grew up fine and happy but i just got anxiety but i highly doubt it's from that

[allmymarbles]

Accept your gift of happiness. Whatever happened, and it is not clear what did, it did not rob you of this gift. There are those that would not give this advice, but great age gives me the gift (you see I have a gift too) of not having to be politically correct. I have seen too many fashions to get hung up on any of them.

[margypops]

I know ,you have had a few stressors here and they have triggered the anxiety ..so it is probably a cumeltive effect and yes it is possible the past has been part of it.I am sorry you lost your Granmom I know how that hurts ..sometimes we do not know the cause it may be good to focus on your life now, try to not dwell on the past too much... some counseling may help you if you have someone to talk it through with . hers a piece I have read many times from a book by Richrad Carlson called 'Slowing Down to the Speed of life'  ... It's Impossible to experience any negative feeling without first creating a negative  corresponding thought . 'The truth is ,our thinking will always create the reality we perceive '  Going through tough times I have told myself this, and found it helpful..let us know how you are doing...I see you are new to MH welcome ,have you checked out the forums and groups, there are many kind folks here waiting to make friends with you, browse and see the delights awaiting ......

[lynn100]

hello and thank you there has been alot going on this year first my grandmother died back in august and she was basically my mother because i was with her since my birth and i miss her and i never really let go because i kept my feelings bottle up this whole ime an i don't know if that caused it or not and plus my sister is in a bad situation right now so that also adds. i guess i'm just trying o find the cause of the anxiety and was praying this wasn't one because i've been able to deal fine with it since back then so i didn't know but i feel better now

[margypops]

Hi lynn You may never know as it is possible, I guess it depends on the extent of the abuse,that he was asleep, however if it was a regular occurance that may be stretching it a bit...You have what I call a dilemma , you get on well now so what can you do about it, if you asked him he would say he didnt know, I doubt you made it up by the way .I dont think all cases people grow up and have anxiety from abuse, some do , but some manage to cope get counselling and go on to have good lives they dont all have mental disorders so discount that being said  to you .,.Dont be scared , face it ,this is what we do we face our fears , you have come here it is the first step, Did anything happen prior to you starting to feel anxious, new job,college, home surroundings ..what do you think was the trigger point ..I have always found that it is our thoughts that make us feel bad, so when you feel yourself going there into the past and what happened give it a few mins then say Stop, and focus on something else, distract yourself more often than not if you dont dwell on it you will feel better .Good luck