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my girlfriend is being sexually abused by her father
i have a long distance relationship with my girlfriend, we've connected emotionally like nothing i've ever known, a few months ago she revealed to me that she's been sexually abused by her father and despite her best control and refusals time and again he manipulates her back into that position again, i don't consider it cheating because of the circumstances and i do everything i can to support her through it and get her out of it but she won't get help or let me go to the authorities on her behalf because she's afraid of the damage it would do to her family, i suspect her mother is already suspicious of whats happened but has no proof, she was asked once by her mum about it and she denied whats happened out of habit, i'm the first and only person she's ever told and i'm doing everything i can to support her but i'm having difficulty coping, if it was just helping her deal with her past it wouldn't be so bad but with the fact it's an on going thing that she can't get him to stop and she thinks won't stop until she leaves home it's difficult. also is the fact i want to get along with her family because they dislike and mistrust me but my anger and hatred towards her father makes it all the more difficult, how do i help break her of this vicious cycle without destroying her family and how do i keep my mind whilst doing it, i love her more than anything but every day coping with the distance and this makes it harder and harder
Yes, BTS, long distance relationships often work because they are couples who only want that level of intimacy. They want to be in a relationship, but they don't want to see the person often and don't want to have to compromise their independent lifestyles for another person. So they work for some people.
Most people, not so much.
Most people, not so much.
Long distance relationships CAN and DO work, you just have to put forth the effort. I have had a long distance relationship with my now fiancee for over a year, and have made it work. However he has moved to my state and is living with me and we are expecting a child together. So they can and do work. It isn't connecting with an imaginary person, or someone in your head, you can in fact get to know someone quite well over the internet, and works wonders when you don't want any distractions sexually. You build more of a friendship in a long distance relationship first, before you build an actual relationship, and what Americans forget is that friendship is what makes a lasting relationship with your spouse.
On the abuse aspect, You can contact the authorities and remain anonymous. You can tell them you are having a relationship with a young lady who has told you there is sexual abuse by the girls father. However with her being 17 and not 18 she would likely be placed in foster care until she reached of age, so thats also something to think long and hard about. As she turns 18 thats completely different, and it could be easier for her to get out of the home. I will warn you though, being sexually abused by anyone is a very hard thing to cope with, and she will need a lot of help for many years to come. I was sexually abused from age 3 to age 10 by my uncle. I am now 25 going on 26 and still have issues with it. Make sure this is something you can and are able to help her with, it will get very frustrating and hard, and giving up on her can open a whole new can of worms. Trust me.
I wouldn't say to "run" because it's a long distance relationship, all I am saying is to make sure you can be strong enough to cope with the issue yourself for YEARS to come. It's not something that will ever go away, she will likely suffer from issues with it for the rest of her life, despite any professional help.
On the abuse aspect, You can contact the authorities and remain anonymous. You can tell them you are having a relationship with a young lady who has told you there is sexual abuse by the girls father. However with her being 17 and not 18 she would likely be placed in foster care until she reached of age, so thats also something to think long and hard about. As she turns 18 thats completely different, and it could be easier for her to get out of the home. I will warn you though, being sexually abused by anyone is a very hard thing to cope with, and she will need a lot of help for many years to come. I was sexually abused from age 3 to age 10 by my uncle. I am now 25 going on 26 and still have issues with it. Make sure this is something you can and are able to help her with, it will get very frustrating and hard, and giving up on her can open a whole new can of worms. Trust me.
I wouldn't say to "run" because it's a long distance relationship, all I am saying is to make sure you can be strong enough to cope with the issue yourself for YEARS to come. It's not something that will ever go away, she will likely suffer from issues with it for the rest of her life, despite any professional help.
SORRY for the previous post! The "before you leave" was part of a poor editing job - it was a hanging phrase from a deleted paragraph.
I only meant to say
one final thought, MRT, have you ever actually met her?
I only meant to say
one final thought, MRT, have you ever actually met her?
Oh lordy, MRT, run FAST and FAR and do not stop to look back.
Long distance relationships where there is an immediate and complete connection aren't real - you're connecting to an imaginary person that's in your mind.
This is an absolute train wreck and it will NOT end well. You are wasting your time.
Long distance relationships where there is an immediate and complete connection aren't real - you're connecting to an imaginary person that's in your mind.
This is an absolute train wreck and it will NOT end well. You are wasting your time.
PS as there are other children in the house she definatly needs to call someone about the situation, he will abuse them also ......
As she lives in the US she is a minor till she is 18 well thats not too far away, she should not allow him to be alone with her, if he demands any more from her she should tell her mom, or child services.There are many children abused in this way , and the mom is in denial, or protecting the other parent, my opinion is that he should be reported ,if she wont ,the best thing is for her to leave. Its great she has you and you are supportive.. good luck .
she's 17, going to be 18 in october, she wants to leave but can't afford to and has no where to go, i'm in the UK she's in america, i'm saving up to see her and she's always wanted to live here, long term plan is get her out of the country.
she's the only girl, from what she's said he claims she's a lot like her mother and that if anything happened to her mum he'd be with her once she came of age.
i've been trying to persuade her to talk to her mother for a while, after her mum asked her the one time and she denied it on habit i told her that from the questions her mum asked it was obvious she knew something was happening and just couldn't prove it, she's said if her mum asks again she'll try to tell her but has no idea how she could tell her unless asked.
i thought about writing her mum a letter about it but my girlfriend swore me to secrecy about this and i don't know what i would say, spill the beans on what i know or just tell her that something's wrong and she needs to talk to her daughter
she's the only girl, from what she's said he claims she's a lot like her mother and that if anything happened to her mum he'd be with her once she came of age.
i've been trying to persuade her to talk to her mother for a while, after her mum asked her the one time and she denied it on habit i told her that from the questions her mum asked it was obvious she knew something was happening and just couldn't prove it, she's said if her mum asks again she'll try to tell her but has no idea how she could tell her unless asked.
i thought about writing her mum a letter about it but my girlfriend swore me to secrecy about this and i don't know what i would say, spill the beans on what i know or just tell her that something's wrong and she needs to talk to her daughter
It may be good to tell your GF that she needs to tell her mother, her mother should be protecting her, then maybe the authorities should be informed, certainly she shouldnt be in the same house as him.I am puzzled how come the Mom doesnt know anything if they are all together in the same house and it has been going on a long time .Your Friend has to leave ASAP this is serious and its good to get involved to help her, how old is she ,here in the US they are minors till 18 amd not certain about UK they used to be able to leave home at 16 there .
Sounds like you need to get her out of this situation. . . but seeing as you didn't specify an age I'm assuming shes underaged.
If she is legally able to leave and he won't let her, you could always let him know that you know whats going on. . . push him to make the right decision and let the girl know.
But if there are any other children in the home, once she leaves he will probably move on to them. . . its a bad situation that no family should have to go through. Though it is common for the victim of such a crime to want to protect their family by not telling. . . thats just their mentality.
Counseling would be good for her once she leaves the situation. . . and if she talks to a counsler now, and revealed what was going on by law they would have to report that something was happening even if she wouldn't name her attacker.
Good luck working through this situation. . . Don't give up on her, she's worth fighting for!
If she is legally able to leave and he won't let her, you could always let him know that you know whats going on. . . push him to make the right decision and let the girl know.
But if there are any other children in the home, once she leaves he will probably move on to them. . . its a bad situation that no family should have to go through. Though it is common for the victim of such a crime to want to protect their family by not telling. . . thats just their mentality.
Counseling would be good for her once she leaves the situation. . . and if she talks to a counsler now, and revealed what was going on by law they would have to report that something was happening even if she wouldn't name her attacker.
Good luck working through this situation. . . Don't give up on her, she's worth fighting for!
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