seeking help

[wolves0151]

I am 58 on SS disability and hae been arried fo 22 1/2 years.  My husband rages at me, threatens me, yells at me, calls me filthy names and drinks 4 or more mixed drinks a night. After he drinks he starts his rages. He tells me I have to sit down, shut up and take a sleeping pill.  I have multiple sclerosis and 5 other auto-immune diseases and just went to ER again and have pleurisy.  He has a restraining order but that didn't work.  Copes called here to help me and they aren't nd haven't been filing any reports on my calls for help.  He now has a second restraining order on 9/9/09 and nothing stops. He left me with $1.08- 3 months behind on house payments, 2 months behind on truck payments, utility bills behind 2 months, auto insurance behind and about to be canceled and last night his sister said he borrowed money ffrom him for his attorney for court and I don't know what else and she was puttng lein on my truck. He now has both vehicles, our boat and he wants the house. He will take it or the bank will.  I am so far down I just can't see any daylight.  I can walk all the way to town and have no idea where to turn.  Cops just leave him here with me for years now and he just has always kept abusing me.  Waits til I take my sleeping pill and has sex with me and I don't know about until the next morning when I am bleeding.  He just laughs and says he Hopes it was as good for me as it was for him.  I am trying so hard to stay healthy and win oer the MS but between all he collectors calling and all of his abuse and his family abuse-I am sinking so low.  I just want to smile again.  I need some help. Now i have no transportation or money-I feel like I am in a jail cell.  Who helps someone like me?  Thanks for letting me talk.

[kathy434]

Where do you live, what state?  Does your husband live with you in the same home?  You can contact a lawyer on line to learn more about what a wife can do to protect herself from her husband's creating debts and putting your credit in shambles.  There is a declaration of bankruptsy for you to get out from under these bills, and even let creditors know that you are in the process of divorce, should this be the case.  Talk with a lawyer.  You cannot be paying these bills on your own, much less holding down the kind of job needed to pay these debts.  Yet he is creating more.  You must take action on you own behalf.  Contact all the credit agencies that you are not able to pay bills, that you are disabled at home.  Ask to have your name removed from his accounts.  And persue this other information above.

It sounds to me that your husband is an alcoholic, big time.  Having MS and other autoimuine disorders, you need to keep your stress levels down.  This means, he needs to find another place to live and do his drinking and ranting and raving.  To try talking to an alcoholic is useless.  You are talking to a mind that is under the influence of a drug.  But his alcoholism is really HIS problem to solve.

You need an attorney.  If you choose, get a divorce and be done with him.  He is no good for you financially nor as a partner in life.  He is a drunk.  His lady in life is the alcohol.  You cannot keep putting up with his abuse.  It is not good for you physically or emotionally.

You mention you have restraining orders against him.  Are these the same thing as Protection From Abuse Orders (PFA)?  PFA are signed by the woman and delivered to the man.  They spell out to him that he is to NOT harrass you in person, by phone, through emails, or letters.  He is not to come to your home, or within 500' of you and not say a word to you.  If he breaks any of these rules, all you need to do is call the police and tell them he is harrassing you.  They MUST arrest him and take him to jail.  If your restraining order specifies this same information, and the police are not honoring the order, which is a legal document, then they are breaking the law.  You get their names, and their badge numbers.  If they do nothing, report them to the Chief of Police, and if he does nothing, use the State Police.  If you still have trouble report it to the Attorney General of your state.  Likely the heads will roll then.  I don't care if you have to keep reporting this until you reach the President of the United States.  Somewhere, the buck stops here.  Somebody will enforce the law.  Put EVERYTHING in WRITING.
Also, a PFA issued to your husband, if he lives at home, may order him to move elsewhere immediately.  You deserve some peace and quiet.  You have enough to deal with.  Good luck.    Kathy434

[teko]

Do you have family? Children for instance that could intervene on your behalf. Dept of Human Services should be able to guide you in the right direction. See if you can get an attorney and start there. Your welfare dept should be able to help.

[wolves0151]

I just want to thank you for listening to me.  That's more than I have had in a long time.  I don't have much time that I am able to talk with anyone but it sure is nice.  I have read all the posts and will see if there is any help out there for me. Tonight I might get some rest as I am so very tired.  The emotional drain has been overwhelming to say the least. I am trying to get centered within myself, rest and then I can take what comes next.

[margypops]

Thank you MSKshelly and jo929  for the input I hope this will help her, it is sad to be in such a plight, I see you also sent me the info and I will keep it as referance for anyone else .

[MSKshelly]

I am so sorry.  I have been looking for answers since I am support group leader for others with chronic illness for the type issues you describe.  I will send you a pm with some links that might help you find some help!

Hang in there, you are not alone however the police in your area need to be reported to someone out side your region!

Shelly

[jo929]

there are free lawyers for the low income check at Dept of human services and see if they can help also get someone to take you to the police station again with your complaints and tell them what you husband does, i feel so sorry that you haave to go through all of this and also have these health problems try caliing the hoyline as marypops said just call a womans shelter and tell them your peoblem there has to be help somewhere if nothing else call your news station and have them send someone out and make a complaint with the police for not doing thei job  luck  jo

[margypops]

I am so sorry this is so hard isnt it, your post touched me a lot, there must be some help out there for you, I am hoping that others will read this and have some ideas for you, you will see by the previous post that horrible abuse does happen, you are not alone, I am thinking if you put your state in to the abuse hotline or call them someone may have some ways of preventing this kind of abuse. I think you have to take him back to court and make sure the restraining order is working I am surprised the Police cannot be of more help to you.Check out that  previous post  the member may have some input for you if you send her a message .Good Luck let us know how you are doing and if you get help.