I found a pill

[Defco]

I knew this would eventually happen. Ive been clean for 56 days and I found a pill in a jacket I wore when I was using.

Obviously my first thought was throw it away. But I didn't.
Ill throw it away later. But I didn't
Maybe I'll save it for when I need it. which should be never.

Why do I have this conversation in my head!!! I know 1 wont do anything and I still know how hard I've worked to stay clean. Why do I even hesitate

Not sure why im posting this but I just need to write this out and log it.

[Defco]

Got home and flushed it. I crushed it up to make sure went down. Not more than 2 minutes ago and I'm on here posting that I did it.

Thank you for all the post. It was very obvious to me I should flush it immediately when I found it,  but the fact that I didn't scared me. The fact that I didn't, meant the addict voice still has control over me. The fact that I held onto it meant I needed to post it on MH so I wouldn't be alone and I could at least be accountable to you guys. Strangers I've never met, that pick me up, asking nothing in return.

I've read a lot about relapse and I don't have a sponser. I told myself that when I experience triggers or weak days I had to log on here and read. Post if I needed support. If the triggers got physical I would go to a sauna (helps me to relax) and if i still couldn't shake it, go to a meeting.

Can I use this forum as a sponser?

Btw I've read every reply here and am thankful for your words Vick595 kellygirll dominosarah bama88 jifmoc gnarly_1 glassguy moortgat ladysailor86 lulu247 merri123 !! I just kept reading "flush it" and "you can do it"  

[Merri123]

There is not one of here recovering that would think the same way.

Anyone home who can flush it for you? Have them video it for you to watch. You can do it!!!

[lulu747]

This happened to me.  I found half a bottle though.  Gave it to my mom who I was living with at the time and she got rid of it.  Didn't even think twice.  My heart pounded pretty hard though.
As Vicki asked-
Are you getting any recovery care?  You are still fresh into your recovery.  So sad to lose it.  You've worked so hard.

Lu

[LadySailor86]

I would struggle just as you are. But if have to flush it, hanging onto wouldn't be an option for me.

[moortgat]

This happened to me finding zanax bars in my shorts but within 20 seconds I flushed them down the toilet without hesitation but I am desperate for recovery and finished.

[glassguy]

All that hard work!!! No way just flush it...