Please help

[Ronda8899]

I've been looking for someone that knows what I'm going through to talk to for support. I'm going cold turkey off hydrocodone 10/325 taking about 10 a day. For 7 months now I've been taking some form of opioid. It went from hydrocodone to dilaudid to oxy back to hydrocodone. I need to be off of these. Pretty much my only way to do this is cold turkey. I only have ER 40mg hydrocodone and I really don't want to take those. I've never taken ER before. I'm throwing up, very nauseous, can't stop going to the bathroom, in pain, very hot but very cold, high anxiety and so on. I took some early today at about 11 and I'm already feeling this. I went off dilaudid cold turkey until I relapsed back to hydrocodone and it wasn't like this. Please help.

[gnarly_1]

Hi  and welcome to the forum....well it sounds like you been threw this b/4 so you got a idea of what to expect....I to detox more times then I like to admit to  but one thing I noticed was it always seamed worst then the time b/4  it seams to be that way for you also  C/T is the way to go you only got to deal with the symptoms for 4 or 5 days for the phyical withdrawal but it is the mental part that brings most of us down  this is 1/3 phyical and 2/3 mental so be ready to fight it out on both fronts pick up a case of gatoraid  some epsom salt for the bath and a bunch of movies most people dont sleep threw this  a hot soak will help with the anxiety the mussel aches and the hot cold thing  the best thing you can bring to the table is a positive attitude  it makes the difference between being uncomfortable and suffering   suffering is a choice....I have said this a million times but ''you just got to be ok without being ok for a wile''.... as you can see with your history  this will not just go away because you stop the pills....this is a disease and has to be treated......aftercare is a critical part of staying clean the addict in your head is alive and well long after the pills stop I always recamend the N/A program  it is free it is vertuly every where and the meeting are only a hour long it will give you the skills and some place to share where they understand  it has been working for me and many many others so google a N/A meetings near you and when your up to it check them out  we will be here to support you so keep posting  what your feeling is quit normal  just a bit worst this time around  may God be with you.........Gnarly

[Ronda8899]

Thank you so much.  This is my second time. I didn't know it would get harder. I'm basically doing this alone because the only person that knows I have an addiction is my fiancé. That's why I want to do at home cold turkey withdrawal. I don't want anyone else to find out. I'm scared this time, that's why I'm reaching out. I know dilaudid is much worse in comparison to hydrocodone and I was able to get off from that so I don't know why I'm so scared this time but I am. I have an anxiety and panic disorder and it's flairing up and making me think something bad is going to happen. I'm up trying to clean the house trying not to think about this. I feel when I think so much it's worse. I feel like I'm not really here though I'm in a completely fog that I don't know how to explain. This time I'm reaching out on here and trying to keep myself busy as I didn't do those things before so I hope it helps. Thank you for anyone who's reading.

[BearsFan1966]

Welcome back! First off take a deep breath and calm down! You are making this hard on yourself, you need to relax and deal with this one minute, one hour, one day at a time!
You have been down this road before and know what to expect. What I do is write a list of things that need to be done around the house. I will do one of the items and mark it off then sit on the couch for a little while. Then move on to the next one.....You need to remember if you do not get to it today it will be there tomorrow! You are sick right now and need to focus on getting better!
You can do this and post when you are not feeling well it really helps to know you are not alone in this journey! We are here for you and cheering you on!

[gnarly_1]

Hi.....well try to stay calm  and just know this is going to s uck but it is very doable....you can try some ''traditional medical nighty night'' tea  you can get it at walmart for 5 bucks it will help with the anxiety  run your self a nice bath and take a soak  you need to regain your composer or it is only going to make thing worst...look at it like a bad case of the flu with some added anxiety....you can get threw the flu so you can get threw this  just surrender to the process it will be what it will be  keep posting for support   I have to go speak at  N/A meeting tonight I will check back with you when I get home  others will see your post and respond  just give it a bit of time where all here for you.................Gnarly

[Ronda8899]

I appreciate the comments and know your right about needing to calm down. The newest update is I found I had two regular pills with the zohydros. I was able to take the two pills to stop the withdrawal for a couple of hours as I wasn't able to taper off. I'm also considering taking the zohydros to possibly help a little bit since it will slowly release a tiny amount every hour. Not sure if it's even going to help or not though. My biggest problem ( I would love some help with this part) is me and my fiancé. He knows I'm going through this and what it's like because I've done it before. The only thing he does is smoke pot. He usually stops when I stop the pills. This time however he's not. I am trying really hard not to fight with him. However I'm very irritated at the fact that he's getting high and in front of me on top of it. He's going to continue until what he has is gone. I don't know how to handle the withdrawal without fighting with him every second he is home. I feel lost right now. I know waking up tomorrow what I'm going to have to face and it just makes me cry thinking about it.

[jifmoc]

Ronda- Just wanted to let you know I was on the identical amount you were on by the end of my using. 10 per day after 7 months of using is quite a bit so I'm so glad you stopped now. It only gets worse.

Right now, you are detoxing and EVERYTHING is going to irritate you. Your bf merely existing would make you punch him during detox! Totally normal. Like Gnarly says, you can only get thru it, and plan on aftercare so that you aren't here again and learn to live w/o substances.

You have to get rid of all your pills and any resources to get pills or you won't make it. Block ph #s etc. You don't want to be back here again.

Keep posting for support.

[Ronda8899]

You made me laugh which is quite a hard thing to do at the moment so thank you. I'm so happy to have found someone that was on the same thing and dose as me. The only reason I was thinking of taking the extended release ones was to try to make the withdrawal a tiny bit less as I'll only be taking one every 12 hours. Until they are gone, which won't be long as I don't have many. After that if I decide to go that route no more will be bought ever. I never mentioned that I am having many pain problems atm and am in physical therapy and going to see pain management next month.

[NeverAgain127]

Tapering didn't work for me.  I'd throw out every pill you've got, buckle down and just grind through the next 7 days.    If you caught a bad stomach flu for a week, you could get through it, right?    This is very similar.  I understand panic disorder; I have it too.   The thing about panic is it convinces you you're going to die, or something is going to happen.  Here's the BIG secret:  It isn't.  Panic cannot kill you, and just because it whispers into your brain that you're on the brink of a catastrophe, you AREN'T.  

I struggled with panic attacks for years.  I still do..but when they come on now, I stand up and look the panic squarely in the face, and dare it to try and kill me.  It never has.  And it never will.

Forget about your BF's pot-smoking right now.  You cannot control it so let it go.    Focus 100% on you.    

A final word about some things you said...you have an addiction, and the one thing your addiction LOVES is secrets.  It wants you to keep this whole thing, the hydro, the dilaudid, all of it, 'under wraps.'  Why?  Because if no one knows you have a problem, no one will be holding you accountable, worrying, bringing it up, etc.  You are free to use again.    Secrets feed addictions...just something to think about.   Have you ever looked into N/A?  I think it would help you tremendously.

Hugs,
-Robin

[Jerry198]

Do your self a HUGE favor and forget about everyone else for a while and dump all the strange pills that you think will get you through this because they wont and they are just keeping you trapped.  The best thing is just suck it up if your the CT type then just do it take some time to feel crappy hit the shower take a bath swim walk run jump whatever make you feel better make sure to stay hydrated and eat throughout the day.

you will feel somewhat normal next week but for this weekend BLAH is what you can expect I have done this a few times JUST like you no one but a few close friends new what was up with me but I worked through my detox/recovery just my thing... just remember that this is so doable best wishes

[PlowBoy36420]

The first 7 days was the hardest for me, I thought I was dying.  Once I managed to push myself to walk is when I started to feel better. Not everyday is the same but I can tell it's better than the last. If we can make it this minute,  hour, day or week then we can make it the next. Small steps will add up, don't overdue it but just make it

[Ronda8899]

I was able to sleep last night. When I woke up today I felt like I had gone through hell and back. Didn't even want to get up and face the day. I feel like I'm dying and I don't want to do this. And yet I want to do this so badly to never have to feel like this again. I'm sick of this controlling my life. I just don't know how much longer I can deal with feeling like this and it's only the beginning.

[Ronda8899]

I forgot to answer a question that everyone keeps asking about N/A. I've actually never even thought about it but I am willing to look it up and see what's available in my area.  I don't think I'm ready to actually go yet but I can at least look into it.

[Ronda8899]

Coughing and sweating are my two biggest complaints right now. It's driving me insane. The cough is so bad it just won't stop and on top of that I'm sweating so bad. Just needed to vent because this is really bothering me.

[PlowBoy36420]

That's the same problem I had with the sweating,  sneezing instead of coughing.  Body aches was causing me mental thoughts. I pushed through it, took 3 to 4 hot showers a day just to wash the nasty feeling I had away.
Here I am at day 24 and I can tell you this, I don't have all the symptoms that I had with days 1-7. I feel 100% better than day 1 and 80% better than day 15. That's when I started to really feel slive. Today I was able to walk 7 miles and I've been sitting outside all day.
You might have to take it on hour at a time but this will pass. Oh, I started out taking Lora tab 10's in 2001 till 2010 before going to tramadol 50mg 8+ a day. I've taken up to 20 a day, 37 years old. It is a fight but one I'm in for till the end, fighting for today.
You got this, give it to God, he has you right where you need to be.
Praying for you
((John))

[Ronda8899]

I managed to stop the coughing thank god but still just feeling really crappy. Trying to take it one hour at a time as suggested so I don't feel to overwhelmed. I know I'm in for a long journey and right now it just feels like to much to handle. It helps so much to be able to post on here and know everyone else went through the same though.

[PlowBoy36420]

It most definitely is one hellofa journey that's for sure. I did start going to N/A (aftercare) and I can tell the difference in the mental aspect of things. Haven't spoken out loud yet but did talk to a few people. They knew me without me telling them who I was (my problem) and to me I felt comfort

[Ronda8899]

Plowboy how long did it take you to go to N/A? Everyone is suggesting it and I really don't know how I feel about it. I have kept this to myself except for a few people and I live in a small town and honestly I can't see anyone keeping quiet. Although someone did tell me that's my fear speaking. I'm not sure.

[PlowBoy36420]

I'm at day 24 and just started last week, I to live in a small town.
I found a A/A token last Friday when we made it back from Georgia,  I took it as a sign.  I had been praying about going and just broke down and went.
It was a good decision because I feel mentally relived

[Ronda8899]

I must say that is an amazing sign. How can you ignore that? That is awesome really I don't know why but that small story just gave me hope.

[PlowBoy36420]

I pray you get to one, it really helps

[Crbj83]

I know what your going thru. Its tough. My second relaps and I'm on day four. Still tired... Legs are rls like no other. But moving around helps. Hope you are dealing well. Best wishes!
                                          

[Ronda8899]

Thank you! Right now I'm not really replying on any other posts but if anyone wants to talk I'm here. I would love to get some kind of sign, something that will just make me feel like I can keep on going and going to do great. It's late afternoon here and I'm extremely tired. Going to try and nap and I'll check back in later.

[Ronda8899]

I got out of the house for a bit because I needed to pick up my prescriptions. It's so hard to even leave the house right now. My dr prescribed me lyrica and it says it's a controlled substance, I had no idea but not looking forward to a new medication. I always hate what they do to me. Unfortunately I do have to take something as I'm actually in real pain that hasn't been able to be fixed yet.

[Ronda8899]

Holy crap I have to say the night has not been nice to me. I've been in crazy pain for 8 hours and it will not go away. Also so tired but couldn't nap. Feeling depressed. Not good.