Aa
19 days off of Oxy, why still so blue and run down?
Today number 19 CT.
Eating good, exercising, but still this bluesy, run down feeling persists.
Getting old quick, I know there is no turning back but da** this is dragging on forever.
If nothing else I am truthful and would be lying to everyone out here if I said I did not miss the lively energetic person I was almost three weeks ago, I do.
My dear sweet gorgeous wife who is seeing me through this and I just had a good heart to heart and she said that she knows it is the right thing to do but she misses my smile and wonders when the battle will be over, I said "me too", it's wearing on me hate to admit it but have to be honest.
I am upbeat and strong 90% of the time but have only had a handful of "good" days, what's up with that,
I expected more.
I'm not an expert and maybe my mind just doesn't know what normal is quite yet after 4 years of feel good.
There is nothing in my life to be unhappy about, nothing but at the moment it feels like I'm dragging a 50 pound weight around with me.
Just venting thanks for the listen.
Eating good, exercising, but still this bluesy, run down feeling persists.
Getting old quick, I know there is no turning back but da** this is dragging on forever.
If nothing else I am truthful and would be lying to everyone out here if I said I did not miss the lively energetic person I was almost three weeks ago, I do.
My dear sweet gorgeous wife who is seeing me through this and I just had a good heart to heart and she said that she knows it is the right thing to do but she misses my smile and wonders when the battle will be over, I said "me too", it's wearing on me hate to admit it but have to be honest.
I am upbeat and strong 90% of the time but have only had a handful of "good" days, what's up with that,
I expected more.
I'm not an expert and maybe my mind just doesn't know what normal is quite yet after 4 years of feel good.
There is nothing in my life to be unhappy about, nothing but at the moment it feels like I'm dragging a 50 pound weight around with me.
Just venting thanks for the listen.
Thanks for that. I started taking Sam E a few day before wd, so I'll see if that helps. I'm definately taking the supplements, if nothing else than to be proactive. It's good to get advice from someone who has been there. You are right, I WILL be at one week. Keep your chin up, you can be miserable with me for awhile, but we both know we made the right decision. Grumpiness and fatigue can tag along for a little while, but eventually I'm going to kick them to the curb just like the pills! Just time to take our lumps I guess! Thanks for the advice.
Hey Mick, unfortunately, I've been down this road before and what seemed to help me and what seems to be helping me right now is the L-Tyrosine, B-6 pills and 5-HTP. Dont know how much you know about 5-HTP, but it's a natural mood enhancer, primarily used for depression, but helps lift and promote a happy/healthy mood...during my 1st round of WDs (which i went about 1 month), it really seemed to help; i tried St Johns Wort, but didnt seem to do too much....the only thing is, with all of these supplements, you can't expect them to work overnight or the same way the opiates did...it takes some time to work through your body...so, just give them a chance...
Unfortunately, as in my past experiences, this emotional "roller coaster" will take some time to work it's course...you should be very proud of yourself and tomorrow will almost be 1 week for you!!! that, in itself, is a celebration!
Unfortunately, as in my past experiences, this emotional "roller coaster" will take some time to work it's course...you should be very proud of yourself and tomorrow will almost be 1 week for you!!! that, in itself, is a celebration!
Just wanted to say, I NEED ENERGY! Went to work this morning, and i am dragging you know what. Everyone noticed, so I said I caught a bug or something. I'm on day 6, and just went and bought L Tyrosene, L Glutamine, L Taurine like the Amino Protocol calls for. Hope it starts working. Has anyone tried this stuff and has it worked for you? I can stomache meals and have a pretty good handle on the anxiety, but energy! I have never felt this tired. I'm sleeping so so, about 6 hours a night, which was my norm. So, if anyone can give a little advise (or lend me a little energy), I would appreciate it.
You have a good attitude. I feel you will do fine and hope you will stay clean.
You have excercise and teaching on your side those are very big helps.
BTW when you nibble its like crushing because your keeping the pill in your mouth for a while and the drug goes in your membranes in your mouth directly into your blood stream by passsing your liver much like a sublingual.
Peace
You have excercise and teaching on your side those are very big helps.
BTW when you nibble its like crushing because your keeping the pill in your mouth for a while and the drug goes in your membranes in your mouth directly into your blood stream by passsing your liver much like a sublingual.
Peace
This thread is taking on a new theraputic life :>)
What is normal, the void, American culture.
You have all hit on somethings here that I can relate to coming clean now.
For me it is the need to be on overdrive and always have the happy face on.
My job requires both and my personallity has always been that way.
I'm 50 and have been a competetive guy since little league baseball and football.
As I told my wife as my body has started to feel the effects of the years of weightlifting, running, cycling, coaching (throwing 1500 balls a day for batting practice for 11 years resulting in the 4 R Cuff surgeries), it is just who I am.
That has always translated to work as well.
She has told me that I am hardest on myself and my own worst enemy :>)
I guess so but how do you change that after sooooo many years and I don't really want to.
Point being is that our society has become push push push and as folks like me "try" to ease into middle age it just seems there is no place for that so we push the limits.
Don't get me wrong those things make me very happy and when I have to chill and rehab it drives me nuts that is why I am procrastinating about the 5th redo.
Any natural ways of revitalization is what I seek, the oxy was the magic bullet but again it is for pain not a multi vitamin which is what I have seemed to rely on it for.
Never crushed, snorted etc, just nibbled.
Oh well we'll see what the doc has to say Thursday.
What is normal, the void, American culture.
You have all hit on somethings here that I can relate to coming clean now.
For me it is the need to be on overdrive and always have the happy face on.
My job requires both and my personallity has always been that way.
I'm 50 and have been a competetive guy since little league baseball and football.
As I told my wife as my body has started to feel the effects of the years of weightlifting, running, cycling, coaching (throwing 1500 balls a day for batting practice for 11 years resulting in the 4 R Cuff surgeries), it is just who I am.
That has always translated to work as well.
She has told me that I am hardest on myself and my own worst enemy :>)
I guess so but how do you change that after sooooo many years and I don't really want to.
Point being is that our society has become push push push and as folks like me "try" to ease into middle age it just seems there is no place for that so we push the limits.
Don't get me wrong those things make me very happy and when I have to chill and rehab it drives me nuts that is why I am procrastinating about the 5th redo.
Any natural ways of revitalization is what I seek, the oxy was the magic bullet but again it is for pain not a multi vitamin which is what I have seemed to rely on it for.
Never crushed, snorted etc, just nibbled.
Oh well we'll see what the doc has to say Thursday.
Hey! Try to find a really good chiropractor that also offers acupuncture (make sure you tell them it's for detox, the needles go different places for different problems) and massage therapy. The Acupuncture will be most helpful for your depression and low energy, the Chiro Adjustment will do every part of you good - headaches, body aches - cause going through this is so stressful and gets everything so out of whack and the massage - well what can I say. Spoil yourself a little it'll simply give you a well deserved sense of well being :o) Have a great day!
I feel your on to something. I am a American who has been living in South America and central America for the last 5 years. They do not have this problem of the void down here. Sure you have lots of drinkers but not as many as you would think and most women here do not drink much at all and drugs are really looked at as a bad thing like your really a low life if you do drugs here it is the way the culture is here.But the one thing they have what most Americans lost many years ago are very strong and loving families. The family comes first above all and they are very much into being close with their love. That I feel fills the void for most. The more one gets away and seperated from love like this the more the gap opens in the void. Anyway jus my own little theory
Peace
Peace
I'm struggleing with 1 mg suboxone / day, I would do (almost) anything to be on day 19 clean. Really.
I have given some thought over the years to the above question about "what is that void"? "Why do I feel less than normal". I suspect sometimes that it is not me, that the void is from living in a dysfunctional society. The alienation caused by consumerism, popular culture, casual violence etc is what's become to be known as normal. I realize this forum is about helping ourselves and focusing on problems that come from within, but I don't think I own it all - sometimes it's pretty obvious that society could be a lot better too.
I have given some thought over the years to the above question about "what is that void"? "Why do I feel less than normal". I suspect sometimes that it is not me, that the void is from living in a dysfunctional society. The alienation caused by consumerism, popular culture, casual violence etc is what's become to be known as normal. I realize this forum is about helping ourselves and focusing on problems that come from within, but I don't think I own it all - sometimes it's pretty obvious that society could be a lot better too.
That's a great way of putting it. The pills numbed our emotions for so long. Maybe what we are feeling is somewhat 'normal' and we just don't know it yet. It just feels like an emotional rollercoaster. If you need to post the same thing tomorrow please do maybe it willl reassure us.Ha Ha!
Lets just all be glad that we can feel the emotions of happy, sad, irritated, mad. Had we not made the choice to quit using, the "high" would keep us from who we really are. Pain *****, insomnia *****, mood swings suck, but life knowing that nothing is controlling me but me just may be worth it. Ask me again tomorrow though. I may need to repeat this to myself!
I too have thought that I might be bi-polar. All of these emotions in us just drive us crazy. I can be mad, happy, sad, agitated, etc. etc. etc.all in the same hour. My days just seem to go by so slow. I just haven't figured out me without drugs again I guess. Today marks my 30 days so I am getting there but know I still have a long way to go. Hang in there as I will too.
First, congrats on the 19 days cold turkey!! I am 2 days cold turkey... so not quite there yet. I read that withdrawals can only last up to a week, but reading on here I see that they can last quite a bit longer than that. Maybe take some vitamins, amino acids, garlic pills for good health, vitamin C, things like that to get your body back to its normal self. I wish you the BEST of luck, and congrats again. You are a very strong person. Keep it going, and don't turn back even though it feels like the better of the two.
4 years and as in previous posts this has been after 4 rotator cuff surgeries.
Ortho prescribed 2 x 20 mgs per day however I did not use near that amount.
My useage was as is now my famous ananlogy "nibbles" for lack of better term.
Meaning that 80% of the time I would bite off 1/4 or 1/2 of a 20 mg so 5 to 10 mg per day and not everyday but I would say 90% of them.
So a 60 pill 30 day script will last me forever, I actually looked at them like drinking a red bull, 5 hour enrgy or something since I did so little.
I honestly can say without a doubt that in 4 years I have only taken a whole 20 mg pill at a time probably less than 60 times.
When I nibble for the energy it is typically around 3:00 or so when the afternoon blahs settle in, it perks me up then I get off work at 5:00 and am awake and ready for whatever the evening brings, practices, games (baseball coach), I work out 6 days a week and play in two golf leagues as well.
So I never thought much of biting off 1/4 of a pill for the reasons mentioned above and on occassion say a weekend when it is full of activities sa a tournament where you go from 8:00 am until 11:00 pm I might nibble a quarter or a half two or three times during the day so that would add up to a total of 20mg those days.
You are very right, out the gate it was victory city!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now it is seeming getting long and drawn out, I'm not going to cave but I will continue to educate myself as this is new.
I just can't help wonder somedays "what was the big deal in the first place"?
Was on top of the world financially, health wise, professionally, family and now there is this self imposed battle on going that is not a lot of fun.
That is partly why I'm going to see the doc Thursday, he and I had started trying some things years ago as I began to notice I was slowing down a bit.
Testosterone therapy, Adderral to name a few and nothing seemed to work.
The Opiate filled a void and I have been reading up on this matter and in some people there do exist chemical/hormonal deficiencies that this stuff kicks into gear.
NOT LEGITIMATELY, but none the less there are reasons it does what it does.
Since we were looking before this all started to no avail I feel that if I am up front and tell him about this it may help to at least send him down the right path.
I mean women have hormonal imbalances, others have depression etc.
I have never been a depressed person but things change over time, maybe I am frikin' Bi Polar or something.
See there I go over analyzing everything again over one simple question, geeze.
Anyhow, if he knows about this then maybe some of it can be attributed to being addicted and withdraws and maybe there is something out of whack and has been for some time that we can figure out.
This stuff is for pain that is my only rationale for quitting CT like I did, I'm not using it for pain.
Ortho prescribed 2 x 20 mgs per day however I did not use near that amount.
My useage was as is now my famous ananlogy "nibbles" for lack of better term.
Meaning that 80% of the time I would bite off 1/4 or 1/2 of a 20 mg so 5 to 10 mg per day and not everyday but I would say 90% of them.
So a 60 pill 30 day script will last me forever, I actually looked at them like drinking a red bull, 5 hour enrgy or something since I did so little.
I honestly can say without a doubt that in 4 years I have only taken a whole 20 mg pill at a time probably less than 60 times.
When I nibble for the energy it is typically around 3:00 or so when the afternoon blahs settle in, it perks me up then I get off work at 5:00 and am awake and ready for whatever the evening brings, practices, games (baseball coach), I work out 6 days a week and play in two golf leagues as well.
So I never thought much of biting off 1/4 of a pill for the reasons mentioned above and on occassion say a weekend when it is full of activities sa a tournament where you go from 8:00 am until 11:00 pm I might nibble a quarter or a half two or three times during the day so that would add up to a total of 20mg those days.
You are very right, out the gate it was victory city!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now it is seeming getting long and drawn out, I'm not going to cave but I will continue to educate myself as this is new.
I just can't help wonder somedays "what was the big deal in the first place"?
Was on top of the world financially, health wise, professionally, family and now there is this self imposed battle on going that is not a lot of fun.
That is partly why I'm going to see the doc Thursday, he and I had started trying some things years ago as I began to notice I was slowing down a bit.
Testosterone therapy, Adderral to name a few and nothing seemed to work.
The Opiate filled a void and I have been reading up on this matter and in some people there do exist chemical/hormonal deficiencies that this stuff kicks into gear.
NOT LEGITIMATELY, but none the less there are reasons it does what it does.
Since we were looking before this all started to no avail I feel that if I am up front and tell him about this it may help to at least send him down the right path.
I mean women have hormonal imbalances, others have depression etc.
I have never been a depressed person but things change over time, maybe I am frikin' Bi Polar or something.
See there I go over analyzing everything again over one simple question, geeze.
Anyhow, if he knows about this then maybe some of it can be attributed to being addicted and withdraws and maybe there is something out of whack and has been for some time that we can figure out.
This stuff is for pain that is my only rationale for quitting CT like I did, I'm not using it for pain.
Hang in there man. How long did you use for? And how much were you taking? PAWS is going to be around a long time. New research has show it can lst up to 18 months, though obviously it gets better long before then.
I am worried about you though. I know you are trying your hardest to beat this alone without anyone knowing. Please take this advice from me. And I also cold not afford for this info to come out. Especially while active, and even now being retired and working as a coach.
This cannot be beaten alone. It is going to eat at you a bit each day. The emotional scarring and cravings will get better, but will neve rgo completely away. Often recovering addicts are on top of the world because they stopped using (even if they feel down physically) The is called he "pink cloud" phase where everything in life is great! the problem is life is full of ups and downs. What happens the next time you are down? Where do you turn if you get hurt and require pills to heal? These are all "what ifs, but if you prepare, come forward, seek help, can be met head on and conquered.
As silly as this sounds, quiting is the easy part. Staying clean and recovering to
be happy and healthy is the real battle.
It doesn't matter if you are President Obama, or Michael Jordan. If you are sick, you have the right to get better. People DO understand, trust me, oh trust me, they do.
I am worried about you though. I know you are trying your hardest to beat this alone without anyone knowing. Please take this advice from me. And I also cold not afford for this info to come out. Especially while active, and even now being retired and working as a coach.
This cannot be beaten alone. It is going to eat at you a bit each day. The emotional scarring and cravings will get better, but will neve rgo completely away. Often recovering addicts are on top of the world because they stopped using (even if they feel down physically) The is called he "pink cloud" phase where everything in life is great! the problem is life is full of ups and downs. What happens the next time you are down? Where do you turn if you get hurt and require pills to heal? These are all "what ifs, but if you prepare, come forward, seek help, can be met head on and conquered.
As silly as this sounds, quiting is the easy part. Staying clean and recovering to
be happy and healthy is the real battle.
It doesn't matter if you are President Obama, or Michael Jordan. If you are sick, you have the right to get better. People DO understand, trust me, oh trust me, they do.
I around day 48 now and feel ok. I certainly do not have all the answers but one thing I know for sure it takes time. However a addict is a addict is a addict. There was something off with all of us before we ever used that we became users. Working with whatever that is inside is really the long term solution. If not and we just stay clean sooner or later we will get back to that place inside ourselves giving another opportunity to use again because whatever it is inside us has not benn really addressed and worked through. A addict can get to feeling good when clean but a addict mind will after a while in a brain fart say I can up this high a little more, always a little more. For some it can take months or even years but the unconscous triggers are there. The good thing is the longer your clean the less chance you have for a relaspe. So take your time and know its ok to feel good just feel good enough and you have the Tiger resting nicely by your knees.
Peace
Peace
You are all right, it is payback time.
Just some timeframes I've read here are a bit unrealistic, mostly read about the WD period not recovery period.
Eagle made a great point and maybe marking the 90 days rather than 14 would have been a better idea.
I AM weary of the PCP but he has been my doc for 15 years and although I do not want yet another script (he has not been the one to write them it is the ortho) he should know "everything" in order to treat me as time goes by and maybe provide some insight.
So yes it is a bit discouraging at the moment but so would be getting locked up in jail or having this "dirty little" secret come out in my small town where I am well respected.
Thanks for the encouragement :>)
Just some timeframes I've read here are a bit unrealistic, mostly read about the WD period not recovery period.
Eagle made a great point and maybe marking the 90 days rather than 14 would have been a better idea.
I AM weary of the PCP but he has been my doc for 15 years and although I do not want yet another script (he has not been the one to write them it is the ortho) he should know "everything" in order to treat me as time goes by and maybe provide some insight.
So yes it is a bit discouraging at the moment but so would be getting locked up in jail or having this "dirty little" secret come out in my small town where I am well respected.
Thanks for the encouragement :>)
You sound discouraged and thats to be understood........look what weve put our bodies through for so long.
I get discouraged as well, but have to say this Forum is truly helping me, in the fact I don't feel so alone.
With all your feeling I believe it is good your seeing your Doc, but my only reason for not doing that is, I don't want him to load me down on other pills to help with this WD, thats all I need is another pill.
Hang in there.............you have a lot in life to be grateful for so think of your family........but mostly think of you, you deserve to have this ball and chain from around your life.
Cissy
I get discouraged as well, but have to say this Forum is truly helping me, in the fact I don't feel so alone.
With all your feeling I believe it is good your seeing your Doc, but my only reason for not doing that is, I don't want him to load me down on other pills to help with this WD, thats all I need is another pill.
Hang in there.............you have a lot in life to be grateful for so think of your family........but mostly think of you, you deserve to have this ball and chain from around your life.
Cissy
Yeah, i feel that way too. Not sure what "feeling normal" is. Is it euphoric, like the pills did for me, or is it having a clear thought, like I am somewhat enjoying right now. All I know is that I have a lot of relief from stopping the pills, but also a lot of guilt, and ever increasing fatigue. I go back to work tomorrow, I'm a mechanic, so I'll definately be doing physical labor. When I went to the gym this morning, I felt good for a while, then CRASH. So thanks for the tip, I'll try the L tyro for a bit. Couldn't be any worse than what I was putting in my system. Keep your chin up sportnut, You/ve got more clean days on you than I do! That did not come about by chance, you had to make that choice, and it was a good one. Like the eagle said, I guess we'll have to pay the piper for awhile. Sounds corny, but maybe we should mark 90 days on our calendars, If that won't make us feel good making it 3 months, I don't know what will.
The longer you stick with it the more rapidly and more completely things will head in that "right direction" once more. Professional opinions only very rarely cause a problem ...... and usually they speed up the correct processes............it never hurts to have an educated and nuetral ear to listen to you.
Hello,
Day 23...I did the L-Tyro and B-6 for two weeks, also a lot of energy drinks.
I stopped the L-Tyro after 10 days maybe that explains the lack of energy but I "think" that nay have helped with the "up" days I'm not really sure about what is what or why anything is the way it is and that may very well be the drug or lack thereof.
It is easy to say when I was taking 1/4 or 1/2 for a pick me up, before a work out etc I felt great but then again I was not in analyze every minute of every day mode either.
NOW I am and maybe that is the problem, is it WD?, is it just who I really am?, how long will it last? Is some chemical missing in my system?
It is like chasing my tail to figure it out that is why I made the stupid comment that it was easier before, before I looked i the morror a month ago and said "do you have a problem", up until then everything was peachy.
Reading some of these posts scare the s*** out of me so I think that is contributing to it to, a real sense of urgency now.
Don't get me wrong this site has been a ton of help but I am also going to see my doc Thursday to talk to him about it and get a professional opinion.
The real world experiences on here are invaluable and everyone is different myself the more I dwell on it the more down I get, the busier I stay the better off I am.
Today is a good day and this weekend was good as well so things seem to be headed in the right direction :>)
Day 23...I did the L-Tyro and B-6 for two weeks, also a lot of energy drinks.
I stopped the L-Tyro after 10 days maybe that explains the lack of energy but I "think" that nay have helped with the "up" days I'm not really sure about what is what or why anything is the way it is and that may very well be the drug or lack thereof.
It is easy to say when I was taking 1/4 or 1/2 for a pick me up, before a work out etc I felt great but then again I was not in analyze every minute of every day mode either.
NOW I am and maybe that is the problem, is it WD?, is it just who I really am?, how long will it last? Is some chemical missing in my system?
It is like chasing my tail to figure it out that is why I made the stupid comment that it was easier before, before I looked i the morror a month ago and said "do you have a problem", up until then everything was peachy.
Reading some of these posts scare the s*** out of me so I think that is contributing to it to, a real sense of urgency now.
Don't get me wrong this site has been a ton of help but I am also going to see my doc Thursday to talk to him about it and get a professional opinion.
The real world experiences on here are invaluable and everyone is different myself the more I dwell on it the more down I get, the busier I stay the better off I am.
Today is a good day and this weekend was good as well so things seem to be headed in the right direction :>)
lets see whats wrong with this picture...... you have four years of feeling good from the oxies - - - four years of additional opiate receptors to handle the load - four years of tons of emotional content that the pills disguised. And we wonder why we are not fully healed at day 19? There is a reason that AA/NA uses the "90 meetings in 90 days" saying. Psychs say that it takes 90 days for behavioral reconditioning and healing to begin to occur and the neural pathways rewired. . Shrinks will say that 30 days gets you into detox......30 days to a year gets you beginning recovery. And 1 to 5 years is sustained recovery. keep at it and learn as much as you can......and try and have some patience...it takes time.
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