Aa
200mg roxy addiction, and a new life :)
99 days later...
Well, tomorrow will be my 100th day since the last and FINAL time I attempted to quite a serious roxy addiction. Without this forum and some not-so-gentle pushes from a couple of members, I have serious reservations I would of beaten this. My undying thanks to those that helped me, listened to my crying, whining, bitching and yelling. :) All of you who take the time to hold the hand of a newbie and steer them in the right direction deserve some recognition. You all go way beyond the "norm" to help others and I for one, am VERY thankful! Kudos to all of you!!!
Some random thoughts...almost 100 days later:
The Past: I was snorting 5-10 30mg roxys per day. Along with 2-4mg of xanax per day. Along with drinking heavily. 18 months I went down the rabbit hole before I had to claw my way out of there and get back to daylight. Some deep, dark, scary hallyways of my life are wrapped up in those 18 months.
"Friends": The first 30 days was quite difficult as I had to cull my phone contacts. Deleting their number is one thing, but they still have yours and I figured out that a cash paying customer is their only concern. Once they realized that they would not be getting any money from me, the phone calls ceased. Business is business.
A slightly harder aspect of reality that I had to accept was damn near everyone I knew was into pills or drugs. When you remove the common denominator of drugs from the equation, I was truly amazed that with the exception of my family, all my "friends" in town were not really friends, just suppliers and party buddies. Since this is going to be a new life and beginning for me, it was easier than I expected to "scrape off" all these people in my life. I even moved because of all the bad memories of using in the house I was in. Did wonders for my mind set.
Cravings and Triggers: With the exception of my first pill of the day (which was the hardest craving I had) I slowly identified my triggers. It's not easy, but something that I wanted to do because I knew, from this forum, how difficult the mental aspect was going to be. Suprisingly (or maybe not...) the smallest bit of stress would have me shuffling off to my briefcase looking for a pill. I kept my "special" bottle and filled it with Tic Tacs. Sort of a smoking hand-to-mouth fetish, I would compare it to. I ate a lot of Tic Tacs....lots and lots.
Being exposed to users: While I did do everything in my power to remove myself from the "scene", I was still going to run into people I know who are still using. I would always ask (tell) whoever I ran into, when they are ready to quit, I would be there for them to help. I used the run ins to my advantage, it gave me more focus on keeping myself clean. To see how screwed up these people really are is an eye-opening experience. As the saying goes, it takes one to know one, I could visualize the "fog" they were living in and it made me sick...more ammo for my war. I even got lucky and did actually get one guy clean. Took a couple of relapses, but he made it. Quite a gratifying feeling.
The Present: I have a new circle of friends, yeah! I have become soooo much closer with my family. To look back and think about how many times I avoided my family because they were such a "hassle" to deal with while using, is downright horrifying. As I said above, I moved. Found a peaceful place on the water and learned how to enjoy life again, on it's own terms. Many thanks to my dock and all the fish that are probably pretty tired of listening to me mumble and talk. :P As some of you know, I kept a journal of my WDs (I'm actually debating having it published). It is still the most powerful tool that I have. I've frayed the edges off of so many pages, I don't even know what copy I'm on now. To read those deep, dark, dark days of withdrawals is a great motivator.
The future: While the idea of ever using again makes me physically ill, I am not that cocky or stupid to know that this war will be for the rest of my life. The debate of "just one" still pops up occasionally. As most, I do miss the buzz, but the price is your LIFE. It's that simple.
Once again, thanks to all, you know who you are. Two of you have a special place in my heart, you also know who you are.
To the lurkers, those just starting the journey, and those who are thinking about it: JUST DO IT. It will be a decison you will NEVER regret.
To those who are clean: Congrats to all of you, your stories are truly inspirational to those who have had to face the cold hard fact that they are an addict, but that it CAN be overcome and life IS better without your DOC.
I know I stepped on a few peoples toes in my early days here, but I'm a hard-headed SOB and had to do this MY way. No hard feelings, you know who you are too. :)
Gary
Well, tomorrow will be my 100th day since the last and FINAL time I attempted to quite a serious roxy addiction. Without this forum and some not-so-gentle pushes from a couple of members, I have serious reservations I would of beaten this. My undying thanks to those that helped me, listened to my crying, whining, bitching and yelling. :) All of you who take the time to hold the hand of a newbie and steer them in the right direction deserve some recognition. You all go way beyond the "norm" to help others and I for one, am VERY thankful! Kudos to all of you!!!
Some random thoughts...almost 100 days later:
The Past: I was snorting 5-10 30mg roxys per day. Along with 2-4mg of xanax per day. Along with drinking heavily. 18 months I went down the rabbit hole before I had to claw my way out of there and get back to daylight. Some deep, dark, scary hallyways of my life are wrapped up in those 18 months.
"Friends": The first 30 days was quite difficult as I had to cull my phone contacts. Deleting their number is one thing, but they still have yours and I figured out that a cash paying customer is their only concern. Once they realized that they would not be getting any money from me, the phone calls ceased. Business is business.
A slightly harder aspect of reality that I had to accept was damn near everyone I knew was into pills or drugs. When you remove the common denominator of drugs from the equation, I was truly amazed that with the exception of my family, all my "friends" in town were not really friends, just suppliers and party buddies. Since this is going to be a new life and beginning for me, it was easier than I expected to "scrape off" all these people in my life. I even moved because of all the bad memories of using in the house I was in. Did wonders for my mind set.
Cravings and Triggers: With the exception of my first pill of the day (which was the hardest craving I had) I slowly identified my triggers. It's not easy, but something that I wanted to do because I knew, from this forum, how difficult the mental aspect was going to be. Suprisingly (or maybe not...) the smallest bit of stress would have me shuffling off to my briefcase looking for a pill. I kept my "special" bottle and filled it with Tic Tacs. Sort of a smoking hand-to-mouth fetish, I would compare it to. I ate a lot of Tic Tacs....lots and lots.
Being exposed to users: While I did do everything in my power to remove myself from the "scene", I was still going to run into people I know who are still using. I would always ask (tell) whoever I ran into, when they are ready to quit, I would be there for them to help. I used the run ins to my advantage, it gave me more focus on keeping myself clean. To see how screwed up these people really are is an eye-opening experience. As the saying goes, it takes one to know one, I could visualize the "fog" they were living in and it made me sick...more ammo for my war. I even got lucky and did actually get one guy clean. Took a couple of relapses, but he made it. Quite a gratifying feeling.
The Present: I have a new circle of friends, yeah! I have become soooo much closer with my family. To look back and think about how many times I avoided my family because they were such a "hassle" to deal with while using, is downright horrifying. As I said above, I moved. Found a peaceful place on the water and learned how to enjoy life again, on it's own terms. Many thanks to my dock and all the fish that are probably pretty tired of listening to me mumble and talk. :P As some of you know, I kept a journal of my WDs (I'm actually debating having it published). It is still the most powerful tool that I have. I've frayed the edges off of so many pages, I don't even know what copy I'm on now. To read those deep, dark, dark days of withdrawals is a great motivator.
The future: While the idea of ever using again makes me physically ill, I am not that cocky or stupid to know that this war will be for the rest of my life. The debate of "just one" still pops up occasionally. As most, I do miss the buzz, but the price is your LIFE. It's that simple.
Once again, thanks to all, you know who you are. Two of you have a special place in my heart, you also know who you are.
To the lurkers, those just starting the journey, and those who are thinking about it: JUST DO IT. It will be a decison you will NEVER regret.
To those who are clean: Congrats to all of you, your stories are truly inspirational to those who have had to face the cold hard fact that they are an addict, but that it CAN be overcome and life IS better without your DOC.
I know I stepped on a few peoples toes in my early days here, but I'm a hard-headed SOB and had to do this MY way. No hard feelings, you know who you are too. :)
Gary
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