25 hours and counting...

[NikkiB78]

well it's 25 hours since my last does of perc.  

i got caught.  big time.  by husband....who in turn told both families, the DOCTOR, and whoever else would listen.  new fam doc sent me a letter refusing to be his patient.  blah, blah, blah.  i am pissed off about it all.  if there is any clarity at this end of i hope it's that i truly don't want to divorce my husband.  because i have already started the process.  i am fully aware of where i was and what needed done.  and as a husband...he could have helped me do it.  not virtually put it in the paper for everyone f$king person we know to know.  whatever.  being pissed off is the only thing getting me thru this and considering he carries the keys to the gun cabinet they are in, he told my mother so now she hides her too, and my doctor told me to **** off....i'm done.  

oh have an appointment with a counselor tomorrow.  yay.

so anyone asking for an update from me.  there u have it.

[freshstart01]

Debbie you are the best. Please call her.....

[atthebeach]

i send you my number. will you call me? lets talk

[freshstart01]

If everyone knows then you may get support. The more the people, the bigger the support system.

[vicki595]

Something is going to work for you but you're way too angry.  Believe me, I know exactly how you feel.  All of a sudden we become "the addict" and the family "knows" exactly what to do. Well they don't know what to do. I hope your husband doesn't think he did you a favor here...  Privacy is a huge issue and that I get. I don't get folks who have no idea what they're doing, effecting an intervention. It almost always back fires! And this one has!

There shouldn't ever be a situation where this happens without a professional in the mix. But,this is what you got and you can't change it now. It's done!  It's awful but it's done...
I feel badly for you...I know how this can feel. But listen, anyone who knows their stuff will know how and what to think about this. You didn't plan on being an addict. I know I didn't. It happened!

Try not to worry too much about what the rest of the family is feeling and thinking. You need to talk with your husband. I'm sure he wasn't trying to throw you "under the bus"...if he did then you really need to talk about that!  

Also, I think you should call your doctor. The truth is out and he can prescribe meds like clonidine which works great in withdrawal and, something for nausea will help to...

[NikkiB78]

i just feel so betrayed by my husband.  i mean, i know i lied to him and lost his trust by tasking his pills....but WHY did he have to get everyone involved?!  it just made it that much worse.  i have anxiety just from wondering what they're all thinking!  i hate him.  my "problem" is not his fault....but what he has turned into most certainly is.  we are adults.  we are married.  he ran to our parents like i was 16.  i am so ******* mad.  i want a divorce.  i hate him so bad i cant even stomach looking at him.  

i am so irritable my kids are suffering.  he is actually home off work today and i havent done a thing and i dont give a ****.  **** him.  **** this house.  where i get dusturbed is with how i feel around my kids.  bothered agaitated and feeling like they dont even deserve to have to deal with me.  and that is where the impending doom makes me want to end it all.  i have been taking natural anxiety ****, hylands, etc.  honestly i dont feel as zombified as last time and my body doesnt seem to hurt as bad...but i've never made it past 24 hours so i dont know what the **** is going on.

nothing is working.

[vicki595]

Hey Nikki !!     You're making yourself anxious here and that accounts for the breathing..

Oh...how many of us have felt this way at one time or another...but,we can't do very much from here Nikki. We can talk/post to you of course...but is there someone you can call Sweetie?  A family member that you're not mad at? Write back and let us know. Not very much is ever solved by suicide and it usually leaves everyone devastated. Just talk it out..

Write back..