27 days...4 weeks tomorrow!!! :)

[Sweetness91]

Today is day 27...I'll have 4 weeks to call mine tomorrow and that feels great. And a few more days, will be my 30 days!! THAT is something I really didn't think I would accomplish. This is my first time ever detoxing...even though I was on the methadone 8 years and a combination of everything else in the two years prior. I honestly thought I'd get a few days in and say hell with it. Lol. I never knew the determination I had when I started this would carry me through...that and alot of guidance & support from my husband & everyone here...and most importantly, my God up above. The days are rough...I won't even try to kid you on that...but I know that it has to get better or there would be no stories of "I made it off methadone xx amount of years ago"....because I don't think anyone one put theirselves through this if it wasn't going to be a success. I have been thinking alot, and no matter what, Monday is gonna be my day...I AM going job searching and I will find something to occupy my mind and body.

When I was the manager at a well known steakhouse, I used to write motivational quotes on a wipe-board each day...and my favorite one to write was this....

"Failing to plan, is like planning to FAIL!" ....so I've got my plan in place and I'm not looking back!! Thanks to all my friends here...you all are such an inspiration...w/o you it would be a very hard thing to do!! God Bless You ALL!! <3

[SmilingBright]

Congrats to you my friend!!!! What an inspiration.   I'm currently tapering off of that crap.  And it's so nice to see a good attitude ad determination.   I'm down to 4 mg and boy is it a Rollercoaster ride.   Good and bad days of course.  

Congrats to u.  Keep it up!!   God bless

[Bkitty]

You sound awesome! Great Job!! I am a firm believer in clichés,, I know some people are like "That's such a cliché, blah blah" but honestly for me that is what got me thru some really really hard times battling this addiction. Getting a job is a major event,,a healthy step/process to take. Don't forget the aftercare part too-I know I hounded you the other day about this LOL. I am so proud of you and looking forward to your 30day post!!! Congrats! ((hugs))

[Jinx1942]

congrats! Keep it up!

[ricart70]

great job keep it up!!

[luvabugga]

Great job!!!!  And I LOVE the inspirational quotes...I'm a big fan of that!

And you WILL find a job!!  Good luck!

Congrats on almost 30!

[Sweetness91]

Thanks guys! I'm trying sooo hard...and I want it so bad that I don't doubt now that I will succeed. It's such a weird thing....trying to reset your habits and routines...not as easy as one would think. But like I said...I will succeed! And I hope that all of you do the same...that you have the desire to change your lives :)

[ricart70]

Every morning that you get out of bed and go through your day without a pill your brain IS resetting itself to live without it and to be content without it.Just keep getting those days behind you and it will get easier no matter what. again great job

[weaver71]

I didn't realize how much work I had to do after the detox. It's amazing how much I lived on auto pilot. Old habits die slow. I can't explain how much counseling and meetings opened my eyes to who I have been. It wasn't warm and fuzzy to realize that I judged my character by my intentions rather than my actions. Being aware that I have a choice to make every day, is slowly building new habits and a new character. Auto pilot is no longer an option. You have a great attitude and I know you can do this, but really think about some form of aftercare.

[YesLife4Me]

You are doing awesome!   I love that quote and it made me think that if you leave even one door open to a possible source, then that is planning to fail!   Im proud of you and you are doing this!  

[Sweetness91]

Thanks Weaver....seeing your amount of clean time is an inspiration because it tells me it CAN be done! It's just a matter of being determined, strong willed, and having the desire for a clean and happy life. I've never wanted time to pass as quickly as I do now. Lol....for the last 13 years I've complained that it did go too fast, as I was having to allow my children to grow up and gain some years, but now....it could go at the speed of light for all I care....or just fast forward a year...that'd be good. Lol. ;)

[Sweetness91]

And thanks Ricart...your words are so very true! I swear, alot of days, I'll have a headache just in one spot...and I'll have it in that same spot a few times, then it'll move to a different spot in my head..I've been telling myself that that's the area that's getting replenished at the moment. Lol. Weird, I know...but whatever works right??

And nolifeforme, thank you also! It feel so good to have someone tell you that you're doing a good job and that someone is proud of you. You're awesome :)

[Sweetness91]

And one more thing, I do have another appt with a counselor. This time I'm doing individual counseling. At least for awhile. There are alot of things that happened to me as a young girl and young lady that I just can't bring myself to talk about with a group of strangers...things that I only told my husband a few years ago...and we will have our 19th anniversary this year...so anyway...I hope to work through those issues. But in all honesty, I don't feel like they contributed to my addiction. I had broken my back when I was 26 and it started there...now why I STAYED on them...I dont know...maybe I'll find out soon though. Again...I thank each and every one of you for your endless and amazing support. Y'all are a great bunch of ppl!

[Jenelle2020]

Congratulations to you on a job well done. I have been on methadone 7 years and a bit and now it is my turn to come off, I hope I do as well as you, I am currently at 5mgs and doing well. Great job, I'm happy for you!

[Sweetness91]

Thank you Jennelle, it can be done! You're doing great coming down to 5mg...I almost stopped at 5, but kept cutting it in half til I got to 1.25 because I was too chicken. Lol. But I think it did help by not jumping too soon. I did it on my own terms...and I think that helped me alot. Let me know when you make the jump!! I'll or praying for you to pull through...which I have do doubt you will :)

[Rediscovering]

Rock on darlin!!! Keep it up. I am on day 3 from Tramadol recovery. You are an inspiration to me.

[luvabugga]

Sweets....you're doing awesome and have such a great attitude.

I am convinced you will succeed!

[ricart70]

sweet....for what it's worth I don't think you have to go back and rehash all the crap from the past that you have already dealt with in order to stay sober and be happy and content.I am not a big fan of this sort of thing as it is good for some but just worthless,destructive, and unnecessary to others.It would be nice if that's all we had to do to get serene or whatever.It does help to spend some social time with people who no longer drink and drug.You know where to find those people.Exercise and cardio every day helps me so much in my mood and with recovery also.Don't overthink it

[Sweetness91]

Rediscovering, thank you...that's an awesome thing to hear...it really is. And I think it's alot of what keeps me going. Mainly, I don't want to be a disappointment to myself...but I especially don't want to disappoint anyone else...ever again, by taking something "just so I can get through my day"...only now, do I realize how absolutely RIDICULOUS that sounds!! Life, and the ppl I love that are surrounding me should be MORE than enough to at me through the rest of my days! ;)

[Sweetness91]

Ricart...to be totally honest, that's what has kept me from going back to counseling since my first visit a few weeks ago. Up until I went to that appt, I had been doing somewhat ok mentally, even with the horrid physical w/d's, but when I left that appt, I could've eaten a bottle of pills and not cared a bit. It took me several days to get over that. Not once did they ask me why I thought I was addicted....they wanted to talk about the three most horrible events in my life...I cried for days after that. And I still can't shake the thoughts   and memories that were brought out that day. Since then, I've been scared to death to even try to call and make an appt. I must admit, my doctor put me on an anti-depressant yesterday because I even cried in front of him...something I have never done. I told him I was too scared to take the Ativan he prescribed because I didn't want to have another demon to tackle in a couple months. He still wants me to take it at night...and I told him I would just to make him stop saying I "really need an anxiety medication" over and over. I do believe I'm a bit depressed, have been for a long time but just didn't want to get treated for it.

And I'm working on getting in touch with some old friends that I haven't seen in years. I've been such a recluse since being on methadone...to be quite honest, I don't really have any friends that I go hang out with, or go shopping and do lunch, or even friends that I call once a week! I mean I have acquaintances, but they aren't anyone I would confide in, or invite to lunch or something. I know TONS of ppl in my area, but thats mainly because of managing the steakhouse...ppl you say hi to or whatnot. But HEY, I DO have lots of friends here that I talk to! Lol. It's all good though...in time everything will work itself out and I'll be doing that lunch with a girlfriend :)

[ricart70]

Yes it will work out.Just stay clean and sober.Good things tend to happen to us when we stay clean.   You are doing great

[luvabugga]

Sweets....call me anytime.  We'll laugh, go shopping, have lunch...and then you can come do my laundry!  Hey that's what friends are for..lol.

Seriously tho, once you reach out I'm sure you will reconnect with your old friends.  It's hard when you shut yourself out to the world.  You don't need a ton of friends, but you really need at least one friend you can confide in, so I hope you seriously try to re-establish some friendships.

And then...you always have us!!

[Sweetness91]

Thanks Ricart...it will...I know it!

And luvbug, I'll do that! Ummm maybe not the laundry...but definitely the shopping and lunch! What woman doesn't like shopping. Now laundry? That's a different story. That's the one thing in my house I hate doing...keep in mind that I have an 11 yr old daughter that thinks two outfits a day isn't enough, and a 13 yr old rough n tumble boy that gets mud on him just looking at it. Lol. :)

[luvabugga]

Wait....no laundry?  Deals off....lol.

[atthebeach]

the past is gone, we have no promise of tomorrow. all we have is today...
therapy many times does bring up things that are very painful. some believe you need to re-harsh, others not so. just resolve in your heart the pain, wounds and scars that you endured. let go and let GOD, forgive those that have hurt you, it will release you. forgiveness.....will set you free.
old things are passed away, all things are becoming new.....