Youve already started and thats amazing. Keep fighting...who knows how you will feel by Monday. There will never be a "good time" to stop. There will always be something in life that makes us think well maybe not now...but tomorrow....
Don't listen to this voice. Your life will truly start again when you get off the drugs. Until then you are prisoner to these drugs and nothing really matters because at the end of the day you go to bed addicted with feelings of shame guilt anger self hatred and whatever else. I promise you things will be so much better when you get off the drugs. Be patient, give it time, but with each new day put in between you and your drugs you will learn, feel, experience things that will make your life so much more meaningful. I recently just got a year sober from oxycontin, heroin, and all the other opiates. It took a long time to get sober, lots of relapses, lots of putting it off because of interviews, school, social events, family gatherings, etc. Finally I gave in, I couldnt do it anymore, I was so sick and miserable, I desperately wanted off. And this past year has been a lot of work. But It keeps getting better. Everyday is a new experience. I learn new things about myself, get to be there for other people in my life, be present in the world. Its incredible, so please please give yourself the oppurtunity to experience and feel this. You can get through these withdrawals, and stick it out. Worst comes to worst on monday if youre feeling horrible and the interview is still your prioirty you can always take pills then, but dont worry about then, just worry about right now and today and getting through today. If youre doing the best you can right now, then the future will be taken care of. Congrats on starting this process!!
You've made good progress. Now your head is talking to you. If it wasn't the interview it would be something else. Any excuse to use again.
The mental game is much, much harder than anything you'll experience during physical detox.
If you want this, get rid of your pills now. Cancel any scripts. If you don't you will probably relapse. Your head is telling you - just one won't hurt; gotta get through the interview; can do this later. And then later comes and you find other reasons to use. Your choice. If you have meds at this point you will take them.
That is up to you, but starting over is gonna be even harder. Have you tried drinking green tea. It should help you detox faster. I also would say figure out something to keep your mind off the pills. Take in lots of fluids such as water, tea, and juice. Good luck and may The Lord watch over you.
My mind is really not on the pills, rather what my physical and emotional state is. The interview does seemingly look like an excuse or an out, yet I haven’t taken it. I do have meds available but am not ready to defeat what I have started yet. Maybe like when I stopped smoking and always had a pack of smokes on me? Kind of masochistic, but my mind is stronger that way.
I am coming up on 41hrs, still don’t feel very good, but did sleep about 4 hours last night which may make all the difference in the world. I have kept myself hydrated with water and Gatorade even though it seems to go straight thru me. I will try some green tea today. Now if I could get myself to eat. With nausea and stomach cramps I just can’t get myself to put food in my face.
Anyway, I’m hanging in there and with the bit of sleep last night I pray that maybe the worst is behind me.
Get some Imodium to stop the opiate trots! It really works and will help with the dehydration. Keep it up, you are doing great.
Ok, I just totally crashed about an hour ago… My head went numb, started tingling (more than it has been), and suddenly I could feel my heart rate drop. I made it to my bed and passed out. We do have an electronic blood pressure and heart rate monitor that my wife just used and my heart rate and blood pressure are both high now.
I am wondering if it would be in order to seek medical attention or just continue to monitor my vitals over the next few hours?
In feeling the need to add more information, I have also been on Diazepam (Valium) as a muscle relaxer, and Gabapentin (Neurontin) as a nerve block, and Meloxicam as an anti-inflammatory. Wisely I decided to go cold turkey on all 4 at the same time, probably not a good idea?
Diazapam needs to be tapered under a doctors care. If you are crashing, you could have a seizure. I would call the doctor.
You are doing so good, but I would call a doctor to make sure your not doing more harm then good to your body. That is alot of stuff at once to go off, and as the above post said some meds need to be slowly let go of. I am praying for you stay strong, and don't give up.
Kimberly
I've got to warn you...Many have compared pills to booze or tobacco - but it is different. I'm a boozer; stopped 27 years ago. Then 12 years in to my sobriety I found pills, and that was it for the next 15 years. I'm 9 months clean now. I've learned a lot, the hard way, over those 15 plus years, and one thing that is absolutely true - if you have pills around or available, you will relapse. Several people have come on to this forum, said basically the same thing you have, and they've either relapsed or have not been on this site since.
Your mind IS strong - it is controlling you, and you are buying in to the BS. This is a very dangerous point in detox. So, don't be foolish; get rid of the pills and/or cancel any refills/scripts now. This addiction cannot be controlled with willpower; it can't be controlled by inner strength; having pills available DOES NOT make your mind stronger. You are heading down the road to relapse.
I write this because I want you to be successful. I see the lies your head is feeding you and it is upsetting to me.
I too have been on gabapentin....it was originally made as an "anti-seizure" med and is used a lot for nerve damage and nerve pain. I've even read some posts on here about people using it to sleep, lessen their w/drawals from opiates??? and more.
It totally affects the gaba receptors in your brain (electrical signals) so going off all of those meds together could definitely make you pass out.
I weaned off the gaba 44 days ago.....and have been clean 121 days now.
But I still have pins&needles, light head upon arising quickly and other physical issues I'm dealing with. My personal take is.....it isn't safe to quit opiates, valium, gaba AND an antiinflammatory ALL together.
I have stopped all my RX's at this point, but am still feeling strange physical and brain things.....and I spread them out. I would definitely talk to a doc about easing off the valium and gaba's.....don't think your brain is very happy and it's telling you so...
Rootin for you~~
To be honest with you I have done the same before came off for 2 days then back on again and felt worse as it took days forum body to get used to if again please percervere I have reduced my intake this week and suffered horrendous withdrawals and now suffering side effects of my drug taking ie feeling light headed all day know I'm pot calling kettle black at the minute but carry on babe :-)
BUT...as an additional thought to my post above...that does NOT mean you have to take your opiates ever again.
You can start with opiates......wean down the valium......and eventually get clean.
Getting rid of your sources for opiates and valium is CRITICAL!
The anti-inflammatory and gabapentin are not critical in the whole scheme of being addiction free at this moment.......IMO, of course.
But if you already have clean days off the opiates....do you?
START somewhere.......
If you are already clean from opiates.........STAY CLEAN FROM OPIATES!
It is a beginning.......and doesn't have to be a continuation or an ending.
We addicts tend to be people of EXTREMES and we set ourselves up for failure many times.
I had no idea that Valium or Gabapentin were both addictive. I took some advice and called a nurse hotline type thing. They advised me to take the Valium and Gabapentin, then call 911 or go to the hospital if not feeling any better in 30min or so. I didn’t have to call back and am still off of the Vicodin!
Tomorrow off to see a Doctor to get myself on a monitored program and off of all this crap. For now I’m feeling better and really appreciate all of the help here.
Hey Jandy, Glad your body and mind has settled some. Clean_in_ks has said it well. Good for you on calling a med hotline for direction. Half of what is hurting you is the anxiety of coming off these meds. Find a source (prefer Doc) you trust and stay with their advice. The numb, tingling , heart racing is all w/d and as much from opiates as it is from the benzo's. One thing at a time. Once you get a Doc on board , your mental will relax. Your going to be ok.....Our bodies go into a severe state of mayhem when we alter what it has been given for many months/years. It is resilient though, just go easy till tomorrow. This will take some work, but will pass in time. xx
I am going to stay off of the Vicodin and suck up for the interview... both need to happen!
Yeah.....yeah......yeah....!!!!!
I'm clapping for you.......from Kansas:):):)
Connie
Way to think , Stay positive , I Like your fight
I just could not eat at first , Try Ensure i lived on it thru the first week . You must eat to heal & i found the milk choc. Ensure ice cold made my tummy feel better .
About day 7-8 i got hungry for the first time , my tummy felt weird thought i was haveing W/D again . tummy Just wanted food .... Ron
Your this far into it and should stick with it. As kyle said excuses will always come to avoid what your going through. You will start feeling better day by day but if you have them around you will take them. again as kyle said this is not a matter of will power but not having them around.
So do you still have meds or access to them? Didn't see that question referenced in any of your latest posts. Positive feed back and support are great, but moot, if you haven't tossed the pills. Otherwise it's a waste of time.
Jandy, you're doing great. There's no one-size-fits-all way to kick because everyone's psychology and physiology is different but it seems like you're on the right track.
Have you consulted an addiction specialist? Many on here have found it helpful to work with a professional.
Good luck with the interview!
Good luck with your interview. Glad to see you found help. Keep it up, and ask for help when needed. We will be here to encourage you and to lend advice where needed. May god be with you.
Thank you all!! I believe God is with me. Last night I actually slept well and don’t feel all that bad this morning. I’m getting my mental notes ready for the interview now so that it goes the best it possibly can.
I think the support here has really been and will remain a large factor. I wanted to stop everything at once, but I guess it’s not worth killing myself. I am off of 2 of 4 meds now, just the Valium and Gabapentin to go.
Particularly clean_in_ks, your last reaction yesterday really gave me that extra boost to get-er-done.
It is nice to know that there are good folks out there like all of you that care… as we all know, you are hard to find these days.
I well get back and let you all know how my interview went. There is some competition but I really want it. It will require relocation to where my wife and I have wanted to be for many years and eventually retire.
Well, my adrenalin kicked in this morning and the interview went fantastic (in my opinion). I will know in the next couple of days if I will get the promotion. I am so pumped and excited! Going thru all of this with even more light possible at the end of the tunnel.
I thank you all for the support. The Lord is truly with all of us!
Valium is addictive......opiates are addictive.......That's where I would focus....but good advise from the nurse IMO. (FOR TODAY)
Gabapentin is NOT addictive......but it does affect gaba electrical receptors and is prescribed as an anti-seizure med too......therefore.....that = wean.
And you hopefully also know that gabapentin is prescribed to lessen nerve pain and damage.......but is NOT an addictive pain medicine. A tool for those of us w/nerve damage and/or nerve pain. (I just wanted off it.....to see what a post surgery, healing body might eventually feel like and to see how much permanent nerve damage I still have.....like a totally numb foot)
Good on ya for staying off the opiates!!!!! You said Dr tomorrow to correctly and safely develop a plan to get off ALL this.......good deal)))
What have you decided about your interview tomorrow?
Not going to "cave" on the opiates to do that are you?
I pray not........sounds like you are correcting your course.....
Blessings~