im scarred and dont know what to do

[scaredmommie]

im scarred im addicted to my pain med i was in a car accident about a year and a half ago and was on vic es but now im on perc 10 i have noticed my self taking more then should at times and i dont know if im having with drawl when i dont have any cause the pain i feel is my back and my legs but its really bad but thats also where my injuries are i dont wanna be on thm but i have 3 kids to take care of and i dont know what is going on in my mind if water would take the pain away i would drink water 24/7 and throw my pills in the toilet i wanna wean off but i dont know how to do it the right way. can someones please tell me if im addicted or not and if so the proper way to wean off

[wannabefree330]

i sent you a message. click on the "inbox" in the upper right corner of the top of this page

[nickname686]

I'm so sorry, I fgured out how to move around a little bit, and  by going up I see that people have answered my weaning questions already, I just need to figure out how to move around better.

[nickname686]

I don't know anything about computers or the internet, but managed to get here by "google"ing.  I don't want to get anyone in trouble, including myself, as I don't know what can or can't be discussed openly, or if individual people can be traced to where they are using a computer.  I'm hoping someone who can help me will read this, but I'm afraid that as I'm typing the DEA will break down my door.  I'm afraid of being ridiculed for both my addictoin and lack of computer skills by people that read this letter.  From what I've seen on tv, I'm also afraid my kids will be able to see what I did on here when they get home.  Obviously the risk is not stopping me from trying to get help any longer.  I've had over 20 surgeries over the last few years and the doctors kept prescribing stonger and stronger pain medications.  I don't have any idea why I'm alive anymore,  I'm of no use to anyone in my present state.  Please someone tell me how to message back and forth with people who have either got the Rx posions out or are in the process of getting them out of their lives. And no, I haven't been living in a cave, I'm not stupid, I just never had a need to learn computer stuff.  I'm afaid if I talk to my doctors they will stop prescribing, forcing me to go through the hell of withdrawals. I've tried to stop several times, but after 5 or 6 days I want to kill myself and start taking the medication again. How can I stop on my own? Can I wean off, and if so how?  If there is a place here for help, please be explicit in any instructions on how to get to see it.  Okay, I clicked on the green "Post Comment" box, but then it needed me to log on and register.  I made up some stuff and it came back here.  Can it tell or will this letter go anywhere?

[wannabefree330]

Talking about it helps more than you know.  As far as wondering why we can't be "normal" or "like them", who knows.  Why do some people have heart attacks and some don't?  The grieving you are doing (or that's what I call it) never really goes away, but it gets alot easier.  Once you are free from them, you will recognize how much more you know about yourself and "normal" people never get to experience this kind of inner strength.  Now, later on in life there will be times you are in pain or may need to take meds again.  This is when those questions come back.  I often ask myself, why can't I just take one or two and be done?  But, I have learned that I just cannot do it.  For reasons only God knows, I can't.  And that's ok.  I just make sure I'm honest with myself, and honest with my doctor when he offers them.  
Joann is right when she talks about the pain.  You will realize this soon.  Although you may have pain, it doesn't seem like it's as bad.  Ha, it is hard to describe?  When using, I would describe my pain a 10 out of 10 on a scale.  Once I went through w/d and got off of them, the same exact situation, my pain would be only a 6 out of 10 or so on.  Regular tylenol would work wonders for a headache or sore muscle.  But when on drugs, I always need more, more, more.  And the pain is always there and always as bad as it could ever be.
hang in there girl!

[scaredmommie]

im starting to feel a little better cause im talking about it and i relize that im not the only one. the only think is when im at a store and i see people i look at them and think why cant i be like they dont need a pill so they can get out of bed in the morning. is that normal and does it go away

[joann1975]

It makes sense and believe it or not after you are off of them awhile you will realize your pain isn't that bad...or could go away all together. (not always) Somehow those evil pills trick your mind into thinking it's in pain more than it is..... Others on here can explain it better than me but I know it from personal experience.

[scaredmommie]

i just keep telling myseld i was scared when i went down to 3 and it wasnt that bad i really really wanna get of i dont like the way they make me feel but i also dont like the pain when i dont have them does that make any sense.

[joann1975]

I agree w/wanna don't worry about tomorrow....One Day At A Time....if you have a friend that can help with the kids LET THEM!!! It will be very helpful and I am sure you will repay the favor when you are up to it! You can do this!

[wannabefree330]

Great idea!  Listen, don't think about tomorrow right now.  You only have to get through today alright?  Deal with tmrw when it comes.  I'm praying for you.    You can do this!

[scaredmommie]

thank you wanna. to be honest i dont know why today is so bad i will deff try a hot bath when my husband gets home. im thinking about till then i might pack the kids up and go some where hang out with a friend or something. i also think im scared to cause tomorrow i start 2 a day and i dontk now whats gonna happen.

[wannabefree330]

as you said before, some days are better than others.  What is different about today?  Keep a journal so you are able to identify what makes the pain worse.  Try some stretching, but first soak in a nice hot bath to relax your muscles, then stretch them out.  Are there other things you can take?  Ibuprofen or muscle relaxer to help?  Maybe someone can give you a massage.  If you are serious about getting off them, or at least taking as prescribed, you will have to find other means of dealing with the pain.  It will probably be a life long battle.  But, have faith in yourself-you can do this.  There are many of us out here just like you and remember you're not alone.   Do something right now to distract yourself.  Just get through the hour.  then the next hour and so on.  If you have to, break it down into 15min intervals.  Get through the next 15 min, and so on.  It won't have to be this way forever, but for now it's all you need to worry about.

[scaredmommie]

im having a hard time today. im in so much pain with my back i toke my first dose of the day about 8 and it didnt help at all. i dont know if its my injury or some withdrawl. i wish there was something i could do to take this pain away for 5 mins. if anyone knows what i could do please let me know

[scaredmommie]

hi everyone, just wanted to let you know im doing very well with the tapering i found a way that is working for me and its going good i can feel my self wanting it less and less each day. i do have my bad days but i push through them. i hope everything stays good.

[worried878]

Sounds like u r addicted...most who ask this question are addicted...you can get off tho..most here have finished or are in the process...tapering is one option and that is how i did it...there is an article on tapering in the health pages and also get the thomas recipe....welcome and would be glad to help...do u know how to check ur inbox?

[addictedme]

Think about Roses questions and if you need more then go to the NA site,click on na liturature then click on the phamlet titled "am I an  addict",,,,you"ll find more questions like the ones Rose gave you and they"ll help you to get a clearer picture,,,gl

[Rose703]

Cathy just gave you the person who's the best at tapering so please contact her for help in that area. As for the question about addiction here are the things that you need to think about. Do you take more than prescribed? Do you run out of the script early? Do you lie to your doctor to get more or do you buy them off of the street? Answer these questions here or just to yourself and I think you will know the answer! There is a difference between dependancy and addiction, but if you're addict then you will know for sure as you answer the questions above.
I look forward to seeing you on the forum and please ask as many questions as you like because we're here to help you. Just remember we've all been down the road of a addiction with one drug or another.

[cathy5841]

i would say after a year and half you are probably addicted.  you said you are taking more than prescribed, thats a sign of addiction.  avisg is our taper expert.  send her a note or pm.  tell her how much you are taking and how many you have to taper with.  she will help you.  this is not easy..  tapering is very hard.  i could not do it and had to suck it up and go c/t.  you have to be very strong to stick to the plan.  get with avis.  you will get lots of support here.