4th of July - Pull that trigger!

[kyle505]

So, I find myself facing a major trigger tomorrow - the annual 4th of July gathering at a friend's house. A major trigger because for the last 15 years, without fail, I was on something - vics, norco, codeine - something. So, this will be the first time that I'll be attending without "my pills".
I write about putting up roadblocks, making sure all sources are cut or difficult to get to. So...I know that the family I'm going to visit often has meds around, like some normal people do. Because of that, I told my wife that she has to make sure no meds are available, i.e., med cabinets, kitchen cabs, etc. She was shocked - even though she was with me and supported me during my detox 6 months ago, she couldn't believe that I'd still be tempted, or that I'd take pills that weren't mine. She's not an addict - no wonder. Anyway, after a lot of embarrassing discussion and confession on my part, we got it worked out. Now, I can't say for sure that I'd seek out meds and use if I found some tomorrow, but I've accepted the hold they have on me, so I'm being careful.
I will be independent from meds tomorrow (couldn't resist). An early happy 4th to all of you. Stay clean.

[Sonrissa]

Hi Kyle, glad you made it through the evening had a good time and came home tired! Sounds so "normal" (smile)

I'm up and awake and can't sleep! Loud bomb-like fireworks still going off in my neighborhood and it's well after midnight! One of my poor cats is violently scared and crying and throwing up every 10 minutes! I'm just about ready to head out to the 24 hour animal hospital! I should have gotten a tranquilizer for him! sigh! This is real life!

Take care!

[kyle505]

Sarah - thanks. Feels good not to be in a fog and ashamed. Just tired.
Pat - I got to a point where I couldn't imagine being in a social situation without pills.  I felt that I couldn't be "on".  Such BS.  

[dominosarah]

Glad to hear you are home safe and sound~~

[Pat1956100]

I didn't socialize much at all taking pills.  I became more of a recluse.  It's strange though I don't even enjoy the same television shows when I am off pills.  I prefer Law and Order and shows like that off pills.  When I'm on pills I like comedies, game shows.  
My day went as well as could be expected.  Thanks for asking.

[kyle505]

This is the first time in 15 years that I've gone to this particular event clean. Fortunately no one there uses; the most radical person tonight had 3 beers then switched to coffee!  I've been to other social events clean, but the ones with a long history of pill use (Christmas holidays, movies, vacations) are the ones I have to enjoy clean so I can re program my memories.
Hope your day went well.

[Pat1956100]

Is this the first time you have gone to a social event clean?  Were other people there high or was it just that your aren't used to socializing when you are sober?