4th of July - Pull that trigger!

[kyle505]

So, I find myself facing a major trigger tomorrow - the annual 4th of July gathering at a friend's house. A major trigger because for the last 15 years, without fail, I was on something - vics, norco, codeine - something. So, this will be the first time that I'll be attending without "my pills".
I write about putting up roadblocks, making sure all sources are cut or difficult to get to. So...I know that the family I'm going to visit often has meds around, like some normal people do. Because of that, I told my wife that she has to make sure no meds are available, i.e., med cabinets, kitchen cabs, etc. She was shocked - even though she was with me and supported me during my detox 6 months ago, she couldn't believe that I'd still be tempted, or that I'd take pills that weren't mine. She's not an addict - no wonder. Anyway, after a lot of embarrassing discussion and confession on my part, we got it worked out. Now, I can't say for sure that I'd seek out meds and use if I found some tomorrow, but I've accepted the hold they have on me, so I'm being careful.
I will be independent from meds tomorrow (couldn't resist). An early happy 4th to all of you. Stay clean.

[kyle505]

Back from the annual 4th get together. Honestly, I spent almost every minute thinking about pills unless my mind was distracted. But I really wasn't craving them, just thinking about them. I had an ok time; got tired later in the day (that never happened before) so drank some coffee. Home now and feel great. That is the difference.
Thanks again for all of the support. I hope everyone had a good, or at least a productive day.

[kyle505]

Medicine cabs were like treasure chests to me...Make no difference if I knew the people who lived in the house or not, the cabs called to me. If there were more than one in the house, I'd make up excuses to "look around" or to use an upstairs bathroom. And if I found pills, well, it was like a dream.
The hold they had on me...I can't believe that I never got caught.

[quitinoxys]

Good for you Bkitty you recognized the problem and developed a solution to deal with it. Great job Keep your guard up!!!

[Bkitty]

I found myself rummaging thru my mother's medicine cabinets earlier today. I dont know if its just a bad habit that I devloped while I was using or what. I looked at myself in the mirror and yelled out loud " what the f*ck are you doing??!!" I dont know why I was doing that. Or do I? I was at lucifer's (aka my mom) and she is a huge trigger for me. I knew this going in there too. So, I had to do the next best thing and cut the visit short and get outta there. Stay vigilant. I cant stress that enough. Ive been tested really hard the last month. ((Hugs))~Bkitty

[kyle505]

Lesa - I'll be thinking of you. I'm sure we'll both be fine.
And I do love the Greatful Dead.

[quitinoxys]

Kyle this is a test so keep your guard up so you will pass. As addicts we can't just avoid life and temptation forever, we need to change our mindset to deal with it all. That is why aftercare is extremely important because we learn the tools we need to cope with life's temptations. Good luck to you at your party.