i called for a refill

[mommymom1105]

I just called in for a refill... I can't do this... Its all I'm thinking about right now... I'm gonna loose it... Hope he says no though... I think I'm better to taper. I've been taking 2 vicoden at night to sleep but I want my percs badly... I'm doomed no matter what

[scaredoutofmymind333]

I am so very happy that you didn't get that script filled. You go girl! You have to feel proud of yourself! And dang, you dumped 95 pills down the toilet? You have to give yourself a big pat on the back for that...I know when I was in my active addiction I could never have done that. You also should be feeler better physically by now....how is that going? Keep us updated and good luck on your 1st meeting. I have found meetings have helped me very much and I have made some TRUE friends there, I hope you find the same. God Bless

[Nicole1105]

Wooooo hoooooo! You did it! Err...I mean, you didn't do it! ;) I am so very happy, relieved, proud, I could go on forever. I've been there so many times, and so many times I've made that call or went to that friend's house to get those pills.

The others are right, it isn't because we are weak. Like my doctor says, it has *nothing* to do with me. It is the chemicals..."pill head" as I like to call it. It can be a real b!tch and it can make you do things you've never imagined you'd do.

But enough about that...you were strong!! (((Hugs))) So proud of you! You're my inspiration!

[mommymom1105]

To clear one thing up... Monday night was the last perc I took....I flushed about 95 down the toliet from my main dr I see for my leg pain... I was cutting down to about 6 a day at that time.... And monday I was like ewww what am I doing here seriously... So today I was gonna call my other dr to get a refill and did call and they said I can come get the script but never did !!!

[roughroad]

And this is why this forum is the best thing ever!! We have others that have been in our shoes here for us when we need it most. The things that people in our lives may not understand and don't know the right way to encourage us. This forum brought me here to day 11 and it will do so for mommymom1105 as well.....and many many more days, weeks and years past that. It is really good to see you have the will power to turn around and slam the door in the face of a near relapse. That must feel so empowering for you!! I have been in a couple situations in the past 11days that had me so close to a pill but everytime that I said no it made me that much more strong in my path. My dealer tried every trick she could from Friday to tuesday to get me to cave in and I was able to say no. Its a high in itself to say no to what used to rule our lives. He!!, if I could walk away from the awful husband that I had then this should be easy as pie.
Again....congrats mommy, you ought to be proud of yourself.

[dominosarah]

Im raising my cup of coffee and gingersnap cookie to you!!!!  Way to go!!         sara

[Jaybay]

AWESOME!  I'm raising a glass of (non-alcoholic!) champagne to you!  :-D

[throwindatowl]

WOW! Im oh so proud of you. I read your post this morning and was a little bit worried. Its awesome to come back and see the decisions you have made!!! First let me say this,Im a guy. For your husband to make you feel like a looser only makes him not feel like a looser. I got that by your whole nother story thing. Its your life, not his. It is hard for people that dont have our problem to relate. They think its such an easy choice. If they only knew. Have fun at your mtg!Make sure you go and get intimidated, theres no reason to be. I was sooo scared. I was clean the longest after 1 mtg! I made it six weeks. I stopped going thinking all was good. I was wrong. OK.I went back and will keep going back. Youll feel so good when you walk out of that room. Its amazing. After you do go. Ask your husband to go with you, just once. So he can see for himself where you are comming from. I can understand his disappointment we are human. I also understand love. Love and understanding go hand in hand. Worry about yourself sisser. Im proud of you. Really proud.


.

[GeorgiaGirl1022]

Holy cow !!!!!!! I'm so proud of you. Wow. I'm sorry we doubted you! Wtg you just over came a giant hurdle!!!  So so happy. Good night and hears to a clean thanksgiving!

[livngr8ful]

For some reason I knew it..  GOOD GOD DAM JOB.  I wish everyone had your strength.  Sorry, you posted when I was typing my incessant rambling. Im impressed very impressed.  Im sure not as impressed as you are. Here is a big high five, and a smack on the bu!!. For a job well done.  You win this one.....

[livngr8ful]

No issue taken.  I have seem quite a few posts go from helpful to damaging with the wrong words used.  Its hard sometimes to say the right things.  I say the wrong things most of the time and I am quick to speak in most situations.  I know these things are not to hurt, but the problem is they do.  I am an addict as most of us are.  I have had many people's comments effect my recovery.  I understand where you were coming from. But we are not here to judge.  Most of us have chased the high and have been very deceitful in our actions.  This does not make us wrong or right.  It makes us addicts.  Ive relapsed before, many times.  This was before I figured out my own path, and what is right for me.  Now during those times I found it harder to get sobriety when I had negativity coming from all angles.  Now I agree with the tough stuff.  Sometimes you have to call a cat a cat.   Sometimes you have to make it clear that you can see the BS people say as addicts, and let it be known its not acceptable (for recovery or just to be a decent human).  I have no issue with calling all BS, I do it openly.  But I try to take the information given and act only on that.  Yes we can think she picked up and used (I hope not).  But without knowing anything other than she hasnt posted in 5 hours, doesnt say she used.  I found recovery in really trying to listen to what is saying.  He!! I havent posted in a few weeks.  Not because I relapsed, or I was high, or hiding.  It was because I was taking exams in college.  People may have worried, but I hope they thought I was doing positive more than negative.  Its hard to see an addict doing something good.  But we do, you do, she does, I do (every  now and again).  I know you made an innocent comment, but innocents can still hurt. If she used then what do we make her feel bad for it?  Do we make her feel its ok?  Nope, neither.  We support her in her next move whatever it may be.  If she picks up a needle and shoots this crap, all I can say to her is when you are ready find me.  I hope to help, because she helps me.  It's funny how people in the trows of relapse or possible relapse will and do keep me and you clean.  Its a horrid reminder of what is always there.  We are no better or worse.  We are a group of people trying to find a way out of this. Im never right or wrong its all based on experience. I can say the chances of her using are great, but no greater than mine or yours.  Alone we are alone, but together we are strong and educated.  You and I know relapse well.  But shame on me if I judge for another mistake. Comments like this "There is no doubt in my mind that the rx has been filled and is likely half gone by now." Rip people from the core.  You may know this first hand.  And Im sure if it happened she will beat her self close to death for her actions.  I dont need to. I see no reason.  Give her as much hope as possible.  She may relapse 15 times after this. Doesnt mean she is weak.  Shes just an addict like us. I relapsed every morning.  I cant remember a night I used that I didnt say to my self "not to morrow".  And Ill be damned if I allow someone to even  start to say I am weak.  Im not dead and should be.  I dont use and could everyday.  Strong is an understatement, recovering addicts are some of the strongest.  We are like mental navy seals...  But we are only as strong as our words and actions.  Im far from perfect and nor is she.  I may relapse (I hope not)..  If I do I hope a friendly word is there to meet me during that battle if it ever comes.  Cheers and no issues.  I just sounded a bit premature on judgment and if your judgment was correct.  Oh well....  What's your next move?  Thanks for you post and keep the wheels on the bus going round and round........

[mommymom1105]

Thank u to everyone one... I couldn't post anymore today cause my phone was dead... And I was tooo ash$ed... After work I had the option of going home or to the dr. So the addict in me went to the dr however half way there I pulled over and after my phone charged read these posts from my first one this am about the refills.... It worked - from all the kind strong words and honestly hash from some it worked.... I didn't get them I came home...I understand that some words have to be harsh but that's tuff love sorta thing right.... Good thing is dr is not in on sat and closed all next week for the holiday week so I'm not gonna get them.... And its family I can do it like cake... Love ur family unconditionally..... This is my family now too.. O and PS also took some more advice and I'm gonna go to a meeting on monday night - my husband is disappointed in me and makes me feel like a looser for this and not to understanding at all.... But that's a whole another story in its self...

830pm est.... And not one vicoden either !!!!   Day 4 over and out oxoxoxoxoxox to all- naturally will post tomorrow think I found my new addiction - don't wanna give this one up at all though its the smiley and tru high feeling kinda high I need !!!!

[scaredoutofmymind333]

I was by no means trying to make her feel bad or shameful. Heck, I am only 49 days opiate free from a major relapse, I don't want to put shame on anyone....I have enough of my own! I do feel bad for her. I have been where she is, the addictive thinking that makes you think you HAVE to have the pill. I will certainly be here to reach out my hand to her when she is ready to give it a go again. I am sure IF she refilled her rx, she is learning something from her "relapse" as we all have learned from ours. I meant she was almost there...almost over the bad physical part, seeing that light at the end of the long tunnel that gives us hope to continue, That is all. I apoligize if my post came across as rude, it was not meant that way. God Bless

[duluthguy]

This is day 4 for me, she was a support for me when i needed it so bad... So it's sad think that she caved, but its actually strengthening for me... The power of the pill can be overwhelming, and one must come to the realization that "Come what may, I will be rid of this addiction" and do what has been instructed here: Cut off all avenues of getting the pill, ALL OF THEM... Confess your weakness, open your soul and tell how it is effecting you, set up a support system that is rock solid... It can be done, and I will be here to prove it... But i could not have done it alone, you guys all are my sweet angels... thanks enjoy the weekend

[laurel453]

Mommy, if your rx has been filled... i guess you won't be feeling as great as you thought.. we have all been there, you will soon discover that being  back on the pills doesn't mean no problems, no suffering, no tough times... with luck, you will get sick of being sick and you will say to yourself i gonna quit no matter what... thanks for your honesty and be strong, you can do it too, don't feel like a failure, you are not a failure as long as you don't give up,.... please, never give up fighting  active addiction.

if you have not filled your rx ... you have taken a big step towards recovery, congrats in this case and keep walking.

[vicki595]

There is no doubt in my mind that the rx has been filled and is likely half gone by now.

Very sad.   I take this as a lesson I didn't have to learn.  

[livngr8ful]

Remember to give people the benefit of the doubt. She may have called it in, she may have picked it up, this doesnt say she took it.  Remember, we have all had major lapses in judgment.  I have them almost everyday.  I have to believe she is stronger than the credit she is given.  I have faith that she didnt use.  And if she did, I have faith she will find her path to recovery.  We all slip and fall..  The catch is we all have to decide to get up.  She can do this as we all can.  Sometimes you need to kick your own A$$. and maybe shes doing that right now. Its all just one step in front of the other.  We will always be almost there. As it was put.  But where is there?  Maybe there is just the motion of finding sobriety (including the ups and downs).  every ones strength in this really comes form only one place (in us as individuals).  Help her find and keep hers. Not time for shame or sadness, its time to lend a hand and smile at someone when they least expect it.  mommymom  Im smiling at you..  Hope it helps..

[GeorgiaGirl1022]

Man, I HATE that for her. She gonna have to start all over. There is no getting around wd's BELIEVE me. U just have to suck it up. It's very hard but sooooooo worth it. Maybe she will come back and do this. I hope so, it's a Shame. So close.

[duluthguy]

Well, it is a hard mountain to climb- there is another wall coming up for her- She will eventually reach the same conclusion all addicts have to- It's time... God be with her

[scaredoutofmymind333]

She hasn't posted in 5 hours.....I bet she got the refill. Shame, she was almost there.

[duluthguy]

Well put, it had to come to me that way, the desire to be clean overrides the desire to continue the nightmarish path of them pills- Pride thrown aside, I want to be clean, WHATEVER it takes-- There is no obstacle that I can't overcome to get clean, I WILL get there!

[gnarly_1]

when your sick and tired of being sick and tired....the desire for being clean is stronger then your desire to be high....then your mindset is right to do this....everyone on here has given you sound advise ....pain pills are prescribed for pain....not for energy or mood...that little boost your getting is going to go away eventually no mater how many you take your habit will not get better or go away on its own its up to you...you have got some time in already
it would be a shame to loose it...cancel the refill wile your ahead and loose the vic's at night
you need to get all the narcotics out of you system for this to work...and yes your going to loose some sleep but it beats the alternative....loosing you life to addiction...please take the advise given it came from people that care good luck and God bless.....Gnarly  

[10356]

Hi Mommy I use to fool myself also.. ya know once we start on the path of getting clean there is no turning back we may veer off the path and even hide but it will always come back to you are a addict and your life will spiral out of control.. I tried quitting without telling my Dr, I was a addict. it was a half assed attempt to say the least. when you really get sick of being a slave to the pills and having your thought stolen by your addiction Honesty with your Dr. and those you love and who love you will help you to lead a life that is Free/Real.. Family functions are so much more fun when we can feel the love and the Joy.. Be kind to yourself. lesa

[bmdad]

Everyone makes great points here and you need to listen to them all. They are all saying what they are because we have all been where you are at now.
Like Dav said above, if you plan on getting the perks to try and taper you are going in the wrong direction. Since you have been taking two vicodin a day you have already tapered down further than what you could with any amount of perks. It's almost like you have tapered down to one percocet a day. You need to really think about this. It's not that you want to get the percocet to taper, it's just that you want them to take. It's the addict in you trying to justify getting them. You have been tapering all along while taking the vicoden. If you are dead set on continuing to taper drop your nightly dose of the vicodin down over the next week and then stop all together. Any amount of percocet is just going to take you in the wrong direction.
You can do this because you have been doing this. Although your leg pain may be caused from your condition the leg pain is also being caused from withdrawals. Anyone here will agree that leg pain is part of withdrawals.
Don't let the addict side of your brain justify this poor decision of getting the percocet to taper. If you want this to be over with sooner stop tapering with the vicodin and go cold turkey. More than likely you will start to feel better within a few days. You've been dragging out your withdrawals because of the vicodin. Until you completely stop taking all opiates you are going to continue feeling like you are and continue to walk the line of a full blown relapse. Every time you take a vicodin I can guarantee you sit there and wish they were percocet. And look where that has gotten you.
Call the doctor back, set up an appointment, and confess about your addiction. Instead of trying to get your hands on some percocet you can get some comfort meds such as clonodine.
How bad do you really want this?
Hang in there and keep on fighting. When you want it bad enough you will get there.

Brian

[dominosarah]

I totally agree with vicki.  You have been waiting for this refill and using the vicodin to fill in at night.  I can bet you that nothing on that bottle says take for an extra boost.  Your excuses arent working with us and at some point it will quit working for you.  When you are ready to really get clean we will be here........sara