My first day clean starts tomorrow and i am in dire need of support

[AshlieN]

well hi everyone, i have come here and read many many posts about people getting clean and it seems like a real supportive place to be so i thought i'd join in hopes of making my getting clean easier. I am 21 years old and have been addicted to pain pills (loratabs) for about 3 years now and i am now pregnant and not to far from my due date. (no judgment please) i started off 3 years ago only taking half a pill at a time and would average about 3 a day.. I am now up to 3-6 a day 10/500's and have to take them at one time to get the same affect. I am now pregnant and i'm struggling severely with quitting. i quit for a few days and then started having really really bad tooth aches from a couple bad teeth i have and the only thing that helped the pain besides loratabs was advil, but since i am pregnant i can't take advil. so my OB dr gave me a prescription for 30 5 m. hydrocodone which i took for the pain and sad to say ended my few days of being clean. Everyday that goes by i tell myself it is my last day and everytime i end up taking them i am consumed with guilt. I know it is extremely important that i quit now because the birth of my first child is just around the corner and i would absolutely die if anything were to show up in her system or mine and it raise questions as to rather or not i could take her home with me fromt he hospital. I am starting my sobriety tomorrow and i am terrified of relapsing and if i'll be strong enough to stay clean. I want nothing more then to be rid of this addiction that has started to consume and control my life. I have no doubts as to if i will be a good mother or not, because i know i will. I just really need to quit.. for my daughter and for myself. So any words of support anyone can offer me will be greatly appreciated because i have put off quiting for to long and am now at a point to where i HAVE to quit today or take the chance of going into labor and it being in me and my daughter's system. so please help me get through this.

and i have a question for you guys as well.. since i have been taking them for so long, how long will it take you think for them to be out of my system and not show up if i am drug tested ?

[troubleinohio]

this is going to be extremely hard for you- having your mom and sister in the same house still using.....wow...you're going to have to tell them not to use in front of you, dont talk about the pills, dont let you know when they have more etc etc. Seriously, will they be willing to help you in that respect at least?  Also, I hope you heed the advice above about telling your doctor. The main fear I would have for your baby if you CT it without the dr's help is preterm labor and very high blood pressure. How has your BP been anyways at your regular appts?  It can get high normally during pregnancy anyways, espcecially in the last trimester. I would hate to see you get pre-eclampsia (you could die from this- stroke out from super high BP!) and going CT from this could raise your BP to dangerous levels.  So at the very least your dr is going to need to monitor your BP (and getting a home tester would be advised too so you can keep an eye on it constantly) and you may likely need BP  meds to keep it down to a good level. SO please think about these things at the bare minimum, and stick around this site for support and keep us posted. BTW how many weeks are you/when are you due?

[ponytailbob]

Sometimes what's real is coming out sideways.  All of these people have given you good advice and speak from a position of love for you.  How wonderful that you are young and having a baby.  I think you have the right perspective in that, and that keeping it is the hardest work.  It's tough to find gratitude with a monkey on your back jabbering all sorts of fears and what ifs in your ear.  There is another voice which leads to happier things.

[gulliver123]

Ashlie--I am also worried about you. This is a bad place you've found yourself in. And a baby? And a mother and sister, same house? It sounds disastrous.

You're not weak. You're an addict. It's ok. We all are. In whatever stage.

What are you taking now, and how much? You might be surprised by how much of this is psychal vs. psy. (i.e. you just WANT it)

And you do have to tell your doctor. You absolutely have to. (if you want to keep her. you must.)

please stay safe.

[StRoNgBuTwEaK]

I wish there was a way that I could speak with you, but I can't put my email address on here because it would give my entire name away.  Do you have a not so obvious email you could give me, so I can get in contact with you.  Not only am I a hydro addict, but my friend had a major addiction while she was prego, had the meds in her system, but not the baby's.  I have never talked about my problem to anyone, but my husband and he can't believe I have such a hard time quitting.  I'm strong in many areas, just not this one.  He always says, "Just quit!  You'll be alright!"  Everyone is different and while it was easy to dabble with drugs when I was younger, I have a serious problem now.  I'm only 27, but I have never been addicted to anything like this.  I need someone to talk to...I'm not the type of person that you would think would be on such a drug and I'm almost finished with school.  I'm going to have a professional career and I can't be on this **** with my type of profession.  I'm so frustrated and weak!

[itsabouttime209]

Hey hun. Please don't take this wrong. Given what u've just said sbove...the fact that u ur mom and sis are ALL addicted to the same drug is going to make it 10x's harder for u. If u are not REALLY and I am 100% DETERMINED to do this...then u will fail. I say this because there's a lot of times that ur going to fight with your mind...battling the pill and if ur around people who use, then it can effect ur will...ur willingness to FIGHT! Not sure if this will be ur 1st or not, but if u don't know u'll soon find out that babies are hard work. He/she will need you to be 100%...besides do u really want to bring your baby in the world high. I'm telln ya, forom a 7 day clean person....only 7 days but it's a new world. I am slowly getting back to the old me....but even better. I said it once...illl say it again to anyone that will listen....THIS IS THE LIFE U WANT....FREE FROM PILLS!

Good luck and congrats on ur new baby.
P.S. Exuse the typos. I post from my ph..

[avisg]

You must come 100% clean with your doctor they will help you taper off your pills as safely as possable for both you and the baby. DO NOT CT your pills. It can bring on pre term labor, I know its scary to tell your doctor but the baby needs have to come first. You dont want to have them find drugs in your babys system without you being up front about your problems  that when you will have to worry about things like DSS and you do need that .you can do this and have a happy healty baby hang in there tell us what the doctor says

[AshlieN]

thank you guys for the warm welcome and it's nice to know that there is no judgment here. This is really the only place i have to go that i can vent about everything. My fiance knows about my addiction and tries to help but he is so bitter towards the situation that his "words of support" as he calls them only make it harder for me so i dont really talk about with him.  As far as talking about it with my Dr. I am terrified of doing that because i don't want it to come back later and be used against me if i ever need to fight for custody of my daughter. and i'm not sure how my dr would react honestly to the truth is i told her. My main concern about staying clean is going through the detoxing and the withdrawls because they are so so terrible. The sweats i think i could deal with, but the fact that my legs bother me so bad it's almost unbearable. Sleeping is almost impossible.  My legs ache and constantly twitch on there own and no matter what way i position them they are never relieved. as if trying to sleep with a big belly and getting up to pee every hour ont he hour isn't hard enough. I hear the first 5-7 days are the worst, so i tell myself if i can get through those then it should get easier and easier with each passing day. And to add to the complications, my mom and sister are both struggling with the same addiction in the same house. We are all trying to get clean at the same time. So on some days where i'm ready to go the whole day without them, i find out they are in the house or they are going to get some and that makes it damn near impossible to turn down. But i know that my grace period of "trying" to quit is over and i HAVE to quit now cause of my expecting baby. just wondering if they;re are any remedy's that i can do that will make it easier for me to go through with this and get through it ?

[allaboutmary]

Hey welcome to the forum and congrat's on the baby. There is no judgement here. You are not alone I have seen many pregnant addicts on here. I think you need to talk to your doctor about this though.  I have heard that going cold turkey can be bad for the baby. If you are honest with your doctor he/she can help you safely get off the pills.  Keep reading and posting. This is a great place for support.

[jollyman069]

We will give you all the support here we can give. No one will judge you, we are all addicts, and have been where you are now. Mine was 147 days ago, I had a 4 year addiction to percoset and morphine sulfate. I also need a kidney transplant, so it wasn't real easy for me...ut this is not easy for anyone. Post here often as you can..ask questions...if you need to vent we are here...Good luck and God bless...if you need to pm me please feel free to do so...brian