Advice for a year of Oxy

[hiskidd]

I've been on oxy ocs for 13 months. I've never exceeded 60mgs in a day (10 mos of 20s twice a day, then 3 months of 30s twice a day.) I ran out of ocs and didn't care to use the ops. I had some Opana 10s, and when I took my last oxy on Sunday, I used two of the Opana 10s on Monday. Today (Tuesday), I haven't taken anything. In fact, I flushed the Opana and about 8 ox ops I had left down the toiled. I feel horrible. My back. My mind. My stomach. I'm not sure how to cope or how long it will last. I have three kids - 6, 4, and 2 - and don't want to ruin their Christmas being locked in my room sweating. My wife is trying to help, but I keep pushing her away. Any advice?

[laurel453]

This is great, David, you are feeling better  :)  and thanks a lot for your words too !  

and now, be ready to walk this weird and at sometimes crazy road of recovering your life after the first week of wds. First of all, the improvements are there, sure but you will experience that some days are like going back. Just when you are feeling better ,  suddenly you go through hours feeling worse and thinking that you are going back to the first days . NOT :) you are not, it is only that some days are one step forwards and two step backwards, it is normal, just take the days as they come. The mental battle is also tough, this anxiety and lack of energy and sleep is quite exhausting but again, think always that "THIS TOO SHALL PASS ".... Remember not to overthink :) we beat ourselves, we blame ourselves, we put ourselves at the lowest... don't pay attention to those thoughts and keep walking forwards... your spirit and your faith helped you during these days and will keep helping you with the mental battle... Make a plan to stay busy... eat as healthy as you can , follow the amino acid protocol , if not all, some of the advices there, enjoy the good hours and days and just be grateful with being alive for a while :) Anxiety is quite a common sympton..... make those breathing exercises that are adviced ( long slow breaths ), find a time to meditate/pray in a quite place of your house daily to put yourself on a blank frame f mind so that you can relax your mind ( i swear our poor minds need a relaxing time every day after so much overthinking ) , face those catastrophic or negative thoughts with positive rational thinking even if you don't belive it, it makes good and pays for the future, enjoy your time with your family and with April and rest if you are feeling tired, keep taking long hot baths  and live by the day :)

[Kuckma]

finally have some time to get to the computer,
this day was exhausting for me.
All these ppl, the food, the noice, too much for me today.
I was just happy that the kids are happy,
my son told me earlier this is the best christmas ever!
I am happy that I am clean now, I am at day 6!!!
But I am not "happy"! Anxiety is still there and was through the roof today.
All these ppl asking "are you not feeling well"? "Whats wrong" "Are you not hungry"
"Maybe we should take you to the dr", that was all too much for me.
At some time I just locked myself in a room and just rested. That was better!
tomorrow we are driving home, Im looking forward to my bed.

@David,
I am so freaking proud of you. I wanna give you a huge HUG!
U already sound so much better, for a while there I was worried, but
I think you might also turn the corner.
I am so so so happy for you and your family, seeee prayers will be heard!

Im going to try to sleep a little, the anxiety of today is still in me,
Im sure tomorrow will be better!
Can't wait to be "normal"

[gnarly_1]

HEY Dude.....I write a lot of these truly hoping you dont read them till morning but if it 3am and your up and sleep dosent seem possible please let this be an encouragement to you that it will get better for most it happens in a couple of weeks a little better each night
I broke a contuious 16 1/2yr addiction and honestly dident get a good nights sleep for 2 mo
so I can totally relate to the sleep problems as far as your physical symptoms most should be gone in the next day or 2 then it the energy crash you got to deal with that and the mind games your brain is going to tell you anything it can to get you to use this is the 2/3 mental part I told you about if you can look up N/A meeting in your area and check on out you will find a lot of people that will understand how and why you feel like you do it will also help you stay clean....keep posting for support......Gnarly  

[hiskidd]

Everyone - I was just skimming the post. I hope I didn't miss anyone. I was literally just trying to name a few and kept scrolling up and down without trying to be too thorough. I seriously just want you all to know you ALL matter. So if I missed anyone... THANK YOU! I know you don't post to get kudos or praise, but I have to say thank you for my Christmas present this year :)

[Back2Me]

Man hiskid I don't know how I missed your post I just went through your EXACT same hell exactly 17 days ago and I am crawling out the other side, wounded but alive. And things are looking way up. Everything is great except I am having major bathroom issues still and still having exhaustion which I believe is related to the stomach issues. I'm usually fine until I eat. Then I crash hard and am running to the bathroom for hours later. But everything else is getting better. The extremes you are having now will pass soon.  My mental anguish was bad for me as well. I thought I would jump off a bridge. Crying at everything, panic, thinking people are out to get me, it was terrible but that only lasts a few days after the extreme withdrawals. At about day 7 I think I was done with the extreme emotional stuff. But when it was going on I believe I could FEEL my brain squirming around in my head it was awful! But it passes. Trust me man it passes. But Monday morning I think I am seriously going to buy stock in imodium.

[hiskidd]

hi :) I'm so thankful for your post. I don't know what you're going through or about to embark on, but you have found the right place if you need help. ALL of my FRIENDS have been beneficial. Various posts at various times, and always at the right time. I would not have gotten to almost day 6 without them. Gnarly, vicky, laurel, tiredofoxy, kuckma, quitinoxys, eyeofhorus, trama, mag, storm, notafraid, and meriem ALL played a role. No one was negative or condescending. No "why are you whining?" kind of things. Those comments can probably push people to the worst...

I'm not saying it was easy. I'm not saying it's over for me... I'm saying I WILL warn anyone who is even thinking about oxy to STAY AWAY.

As for how I feel, I needed some Valerian root a little while ago to calm my anxiety and I have high hopes for sleep (I'm waiting till the last possible moment!). I'm hungry right now, but I don't want eating late to contribute to me not being able to sleep.

ANYWAY, fredjones, thank you for your words. I won't go back. I can't go back. I'm afraid to get too happy too fast, but in the last 4 or 5 hours, I've turned the best corner of the week. I can literally see a life free of anxiety (well this worst chemical kind), and I will stay on this site as long as my friends will have me ;) to help anyone who needs it. I say all that to say to you again, you found the right site. I'm praying for you too. Let's pray for each other. I'm here if you need me. David