Advice for a year of Oxy

[hiskidd]

I've been on oxy ocs for 13 months. I've never exceeded 60mgs in a day (10 mos of 20s twice a day, then 3 months of 30s twice a day.) I ran out of ocs and didn't care to use the ops. I had some Opana 10s, and when I took my last oxy on Sunday, I used two of the Opana 10s on Monday. Today (Tuesday), I haven't taken anything. In fact, I flushed the Opana and about 8 ox ops I had left down the toiled. I feel horrible. My back. My mind. My stomach. I'm not sure how to cope or how long it will last. I have three kids - 6, 4, and 2 - and don't want to ruin their Christmas being locked in my room sweating. My wife is trying to help, but I keep pushing her away. Any advice?

[hiskidd]

Super weak today. Pretty discouraged. The ironic part is that my back feels a little better, but anytime I think of the future, I shudder. I wish I had this glowing report to give everyone. I'm not sure I would have embarked on giving up oxy if I knew I would not be healed by 2 weeks time. Tomorrow is day 14, and i'm tired of taking sleeping pills to sleep, tired of being weak for my family, tired of crying for no reason, and just plain ashamed and tired. i thought so much of going back on oxy today, but i'm haunted by the thought of going through ALL THIS hell for nothing. I genuinely figure I averaged 45mg of oxy per day for 13 months, and keep rationalizing how that's "not so bad." yeah right.

Sorry guys for all this stuff. I think this post is so long, not sure anyone's reading anyway. love, david

[Kuckma]

Sorry David I was not more active "there" for you yesterday.
It was such a busy day, and the cleaning took so much out of me, I fell asleep and slept most of the afternoon, it felt so good.

Today ( it is 01:35 right now) Im going to church for the first time in a long time.
I found a church I think I feel ok with, some friends are taking me and my family along.
Im nervous but happy to feel closer to him!

I will be praying for you and your family,
I did not know April is having a baby! Congrats, what a strong and brave women, 4 kids and the household that's a huge job!

I was going to tell you something about the soy products. try a little of it first. Eric is also very Lactose intolerant, he can not even drink a little creamer in his coffee or even have just one bite of ice cream without getting very sick.
Anyway, we tried the soy products on him for calcium and vitamin D. OMG, he got so so horribly gassy is was crazy, and it smelled like nothing I have ever smelled before. It was unbearable, he smelled like that for like 24 hours. I wanted to lock him into the garage lol. so be careful, and just try a little first and see what your tummy does.

Hope you are sleeping well tonight, Im going to try to get some more sleep to, its hard cause I am nervous about church tomorrow, Im so worried to be around all those people tomorrow. what if I get anxiety or panic? Im still having a lot of anxiety problems......

Please remember you are not alone! You did so well today, you did babysteps today,
also please remember he will not put anything on you that you can not handle!

Big Hugs,

Berit

[gnarly_1]

Hey dude ok I see from what you said you cant do the whey protein shakes we need to get some amino acids in your body look to the lower right of the screen under heath pages
and look up the amino acid protacall ...you need to get these amino acids in your system it will help you heal your brain right now it is lacking key ingredients to you feeling better
thats why I like the whey protein it contains a lot of what you need I know this is a struggle for you it was for me also so you got to give your body what it needs to fight back GNCwill have everything you need keep posting and hang in there dude better days are ahead
good luck and God bless.....Gnarly....btw never under estimate the healing power of God
he got me where im at and life is a beautiful place once again  

[hiskidd]

Thank you. It wasn't long after your post that I went to GNC to get the soy powder. I can't say today/tonight was easy, but I did do another mile (25 minutes) on the treadmill, and took my family out for pizza. My wife could tell it was hard for me to sit there. The right side of my head started tingling and I felt like I was going to have a panic attack. I was convinced I was going to the ER after we got back from dinner. BUT, I hung in there, drank my lemonade, ate a little and calmed down some. I made it home, played Wii with my boys, and now am preparing for church tomorrow. I'm very tired. Still in pain. But I guess it's another day in the books.

It was weird. I looked at so many people in the restaurant in envy. They all looked so happy and healthy and normal. I pray God would have mercy, that I may be normal one day soon.

[laurel453]

you will turn around this corner ....it seems each one of us has a day when things get better, i will pray for yours to come soon, David...btw, there are soy shakes with the same aminos and vitamins, just in case you want them. Hang in, David

[hiskidd]

Thanks everyone. Not better. Not really. Didn't go to the ER, but I had to take sleeping pills to sleep. They were OTC, but I took double the recommended dosage. It's about noon, and I feel just as delapidated as ever. What's worse is that I can see the wear and tear on April. She looks like she has lost hope. This is tearing my heart out. She leans on me so much. She is a stay at home mom and does a wonderful job with our three kids (and one due in June/July). I basically work two jobs and am in school full-time. I go back to "everything" on Jan 10, and I'm am deathly afraid.

Anyway, I can't drink/eat any dairy products, so I can't do the whey shakes. I have start a multi-vitamin, but I couldn't do the treadmill yesterday because of my chest congestion. I took a short walk to the store yesterday and it was so hard on me body. I might try the treadmill today since my chest seems a little better.

I don't discount what anyone has said about time. I honestly just think or feel like maybe irrepairable (sp?) damage has been done. I don't know what to do. I have pockets of "okay" time where I can play Wii video games with my boys, and I eat sporadically, but all in all, I'm a curled up sobbing mess. Pray for me.