Advice for a year of Oxy

[hiskidd]

I've been on oxy ocs for 13 months. I've never exceeded 60mgs in a day (10 mos of 20s twice a day, then 3 months of 30s twice a day.) I ran out of ocs and didn't care to use the ops. I had some Opana 10s, and when I took my last oxy on Sunday, I used two of the Opana 10s on Monday. Today (Tuesday), I haven't taken anything. In fact, I flushed the Opana and about 8 ox ops I had left down the toiled. I feel horrible. My back. My mind. My stomach. I'm not sure how to cope or how long it will last. I have three kids - 6, 4, and 2 - and don't want to ruin their Christmas being locked in my room sweating. My wife is trying to help, but I keep pushing her away. Any advice?

[fredjones]

I'm proud of you man. You're really doing great! Seriously, read a post you wrote on day 3, then reread your last. It's night and day. So proud.  Stay strong. You've gone thru the worst.

After a week of tapering, I'm going ct this Thursday and I promise, your postings here have given me so much encouragement. I'll keep you in my prayers for sure. God Bless

[hiskidd]

day (night) 7  - went for a walk outside today. it was hard at first, but i had no goals of pace or distance. i listened to a message by chuck swindoll, and just walked. the air was very clean and clear. i ended up walking to a local place and ate a chicken taco and about a 1/2 cut of refried beans. it didn't feel too heavy. i walked back and read a bit - a very little bit - from a chuck swindoll book about positive attitudes. laid down about 5:15, and although i didn't sleep, i didn't get too panicky.

i'm very tired, but anxious at the same time. 6pm was usually the latest i would take my second or third (depending if I had cut it in half or not) of the day. the lack of pain and euphoric numbness would fill the rest of the evening whether it was class at night, or time with the family. now there is no pill too take and i feel like a pile of rubble.

anyway, it's 6:30 now and i just finished dinner at the table with my family. this is the most i've eaten all week - still not much, and my wife looks every bit as tired as i do. i'm with my kids i the living room, but it's hard for me to "engage" with them. it ***** that my kindergartner's vacation is being wasted on his dad being a zombie. i'll never get these days back. but maybe i'm saving years, or an overdose, or something i won't ever see on this side of eternity.

@kuckma if you're out there, I hope you're ok. i wish you had more time off, but you sounded much better than me. stay encouraged.

[fredjones]

Maybe you could take the family to a movie. That way, you get to move around but not too much, and you get family time.
I hear what you're saying, but there  comes a point on all these pain meds where the meds totally numb everything. Sure, there is no pain. But there is also no joy, sadness, love, excitement, or any other genuine emotion. I think you know that. I think you know that you're doing the right thing. Stay strong David, stay strong.

[cathy5841]

Exercise if you possibly can.  Even if it is just a short walk.  That is one of the best things you can do for yourself.  Exercise jumpstarts the brain to produce feel good endorphins that were coming from the pills.  

[hiskidd]

day 7 - hi all. not much sleep last night. even sleep aids couldn't cut through. not comfortable on my side, back, or stomach. i'm 36 and i feel like i'm through. i'm reading all the posts and trying to take it to heart.

i'm not sure how i'm supposed to feel without a point of reference. i've never been here before. all i know is i "woke up" thinking i wasn't addicted I was "only dependent." i began defending my dr. in my mind. he prescribed me legal "medication" that i never truly abused. i didn't exceed my dosages or i wouldn't have gotten my prescriptions refilled. i only took them orally. the highest i went in a day is what he gave me: 60mg. then, "should I go today and tell them i need my prescription again?"

sigh. my wife got my kids out of the house. i didn't want to go. i did, but i couldn't. i'm so tired, weak, afraid, and blah, blah, blah. i'm tired of hearing myself say these same things. its noon, and my 7th day without oxy. i have an accupuncture appt (my first) for my back tomorrow. i'm so worried about it discouraging my wife when/if it doesnt work - which my fatalistic attitude.

should i exercise, eat fruit, drink juice... i'm looking for the way to heal. i miss my family.

[notaffraidnemore]

I want to say one more thing that has helped me as well, is try to put all of this in perspective, there are people out there that are going thru things that are a lot worse then what we are going thru and they get up and live everyday.  What we are going thru we are guaranteed a light at the end of the tunnel, and in my mind is small beans, don't get me wrong addiction is a disease and is very hard to conqure, but there are people out there that have to go thru way worse everyday for the rest of their lives and that amazes me that most of them can stay positive.  Naybe I am out of line saying what I just said, but hey, it could be a lot worse.