Alone and day 1.

[jibi07]

The hardest thing is fighting an addiction alone.... I have been taking perks... about 40 a day, for almost 2 years, and hiding it from everyone... I gave it up last summer for 17 days... the withdrawl was hell, pure hell, i swore i'd never go through that again... that was 5 months ago, yup been taking them pretty steady for the last 5 months again.... when i stopped for my 17 days i treated myself to a skydive, a celebration, something i wanted to do for a long time..... cravings got too much to deal with after that... here i am again... today is day 1.... the withdrawl is not as bad this time, no sweats, yet, not as lathargic, but having some pain in what feels like the kidney area... feeling really sorry for myself.... dont know what to do, dont know who to talk to..... wow, am i even making any sense??? Dont want to tell my husband, afraid of the consequences..... sister knows, dad knows, but they are addicts too so a lot of good that does me, haha... just dont know what to do, have already lost so much!! So sad!!!

[jibi07]

thank you conhall... i'm really trying!

[jibi07]

Thanks killer.... I thought with a college degree I was too smart too jokes on me I guess lol n no I won't be skydiving anytime soon too cold going again in June.... I'm just taking one minute at a time right now.... My adrenalin for some reason is pumped tonight I'm excited about the future and I'm looking forward to seeing things clearly.... :-)

[jibi07]

Barb it was the most amazing thing I've ever done.... Doing it again this year!!!

[conhall]

Proud Of You! :) Your post really made me smile!
Keep going strong You Go This!

[BarbRTR]

And skydiving? Amazing! I have gone bunjee jumping a few times, always wanted to sky dive..

Now I can't because of my heart. I'm in my early forties. Did you love it?

Off subject, but had to ask :)

[killerzoey]

jibi07,

Good for you! I've never quit a habit like that but from what I've read you've got to give yourself at least a month if you can, maybe put off anything really adrenaline-provoking like sky-diving a bit longer?  I so understand where you are with confessing to your other half. I have not, and it is a bit awkward. I was recently pretty ill with respiratory stuff and took antibiotics, so I'm able to blame some of the tummy discomfort on the, er...imbalance of gut flora. Yeah. So I get to sound all smart, too ;) And I have thyroid issues I'm blaming the sweats on.

Besides the usual embarrassment (I have a master's degree, I'm a professional, someone he's' deemed "too smart" to get caught up in drugs. In fact we used to scorn those who fell prey to addictive substances. That makes it feel like I'd disappoint him and make him second guess who I am-fundamentally-if I were to tell him. Kind of a big risk. Never mind that I was scripted painkillers legitimately (autoimmune disease) and ordered Tramadol originally because I lost my insurance. I don't need them anymore and yet I take them. Too much sometimes. That makes me now "one of them."

Anyway (sorry to type so much about me) Barb, I got all choked up reading your post. Because sometimes I wonder, what if? How amazing could that be? I'm glad you have support from your other half :)

jibi07 I wish you all the best. Treat yourself gently, invent an illness if you have to.