An addict dealing with high stress..how do we cope?

[worried878]

In late July I had a series of of stressful events that snowballed in a matter of 48 hours...loss of a job, a fiance, and family members...I went underground and couldnt even post here...i turned to alcohol and realized what I was doing..took a while but knew I was using my old coping mechanism called escape...didnt want to feel the pain ..dunno if I am chicken or what...I often wonder why I turned to substances to dull the pain..I have done great thru small stressors...but big ones never come often like that one...my divorce was probably the closest 17 yrs ago and I did not do drugs then but did drink heavily for a few years after/got a hold on it and toned it way down..it was much later that I began using pills...but I now realize both substances were used to escape..to AVOID pain
..
What really scared me was when my daughter went thru her divorce and did the same thing..she went into an alcohol binge..it made me think very hard about my choices...and made me wonder if I had set this example..it hurts to think I have not always been the best I could be..raising kids alone is not easy..this I know...I never even had an every other weekend dad...financially he was there as he is a millionaire..and both my kids work for him now..guess I dont feel as if I was the best mom on earth..but I know in my heart I know I did the best I could..but often think i shoulda done better

Has anyone else had similar experiences?  not just uising different substances to escape the pain of stress and loss...but feeling that u use to avoid coping with the reality in front of u?

[worried878]

I do know what u mean and it does make sense...for sy..even tho no longer using..i will go on a binge shopping..not tons of money but my latest was a lighthouse binge..I have so many..they light up and I put different color bulbs in them...that peeps r getting lighthouses for Christmas!,,before that it was antique lamps..finished now cos I have no where to put another..and all were at great prices as it would be way to escape..searching for lamps etc..whatever my mood would bring..one time it was elctric fireplaces!  now that is expensive

Eagle u r a great and strong person...but loss is hard..be it death or any other kind of deep loss....i Even found that a relationship can become an addiction..a need to fill some void or sumpin..like some of us have an empty spot in our soul or our body..maybe not all but some i talk to feel this..it is very hard to describe..but it is like the hole is never totally filled to capacity...

staying busy and getting my life in order is helping...I hate it but there r peeps I am having to decrease or cease contact with right now..none of them users/just negative peeps in my life..I will get back to being around them when I feel stronger...cos my mom is one of them/love her but do not like her..weird huh?
  I do believe she feels the same way bout me..I know we need to talk but how can u change a lifetime of conflict with a conversation?  she is 75/she is not gonna change and will take offense to anything i try to say as far as how i feel..so again i feel like i go into escape mode...knowing i am avoiding her and even talking to peeps whom opinions I value/like Eagle up there!/ about it..asking opinions..maybe i will get the nrg to sit down and have a long talk....but i am not the type to fight battles I can not win...so i avoid the issue...not sure if it is the same type of escape as using....???
just taking a long look at how I react to things..maybe a good thing

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

Well you should already know my story - -  I seem to have used for about a lifetime to avoid emotional pains that go back to Nam - my sons death - my chemotherapy - -  the list goes on.  Wasnt a healthy approach and it didnt do me any good. All of the emotional pains that had been hidden jumped up big time with my Mothers death last month - - I found myself at first reaching for those old coping methods - - a bottle of zanax - -  but I stopped that method a couple years ago .......  Glad that I remembered that and realized how much better it is to actually experience real life than when under pharmaceutical influence - - -  eagle

[Charetti]

I used for exactly that reason.  I also had other unhealthy coping strategies such as bingo, scratch cards, video games, movies, and of course pills.

I remember realizing that I spend every moment of every day using one of these so I wouldnt have to feel.  Then I realized that the painful events still hurt and the addictions were just using this excuse to continue. I hope this makes sense.

My Dad died earlier this year and I was absolutely devastated and traumatized since I was there when he passed.  None of these addictions really helped, all they did was cause me to be isolated when I most needed support.

So I guess my point is that although we use to dull the pain, its all just an illusion.

[worried878]

Avisg..maybe I will copy and paste it to the recovery forum..u r right, it may be better to have posted it there
Alcohol is an easy trap..for some reason pill abuse is considered worse in society than alcohol abuse..alcohol is everywhere...i guess it would be harder for an addict who has alcohol as a doc to stay clean than a pill addict just because of the sheer availablity of alcohol vs pills,,cheaper too I would think
U know yrs ago I had to take a pee test for a job..and i did have a scrip for my doc/even tho I also bought them off the street as well...anyway it was an unobserved test/urine screen and I just did not want to explain my narcotic use even tho I had a scrip...I called 10 people to c if I could use their urine..all of whom I did not think took any type of controlled substance..do u know that not one was not on either a benzo or a narcotic?  I was shocked/not saying they were abusing them but I didnt feel alone thats for  sure...one friend/a doctor/ whom always bragged that she never even took an aspirin/acted funny then admitted that she smoked pot!
we r not alone..and florida guy i agree..many have unhealthy ways of coping be it drugs, alcohol, binging on food, yelling and screaming, becoming violent, list goes on...

[Florida_Guy737]

I still think about an outlet at times especially dealing with tight deadlines, unreasonable requests, raising teenagers, etc. I don't really drink and sometimes I wish I did but occasionally, I really wanted those meds to chill.  Actually, I don't think it's healthy to cary that much stress either so I don't know a good answer.  You need to relieve stress but you don't want a dependency/addiction to something else.  Yes, I exercise as well but like worried mentioned, sometimes your normal outlets are not good enough.

Good post...

Guy

[pharma9]

I think everybody wants or needs something to help them cope,either drugs or religion or something.temporary use of these crutches or aids is not harmful as long as we realize when we have to face things and stop using drugs or alcohol and do things on our own.To me its allowed to feel sorry for ourselves for a few days,but then we must snap out of it and get over it and get on with life.It looks like you recognized your weaknesses and got on with it.I think you set a good example for your daughter by showing her that one can bounce back from adversity and continue even if it takes a few years or days or months.I am sure she will get a grip and get over it and learn from her experiences.My daughter was drinking heavily and smoking heavily and last year changed her life around completely and stopped drinking heavily and stopped smoking.She only eats health foods and lives a clean and healthy life.She did it all on her own and I am extremely prooud.She is taking courses to be an herbalist.

[avisg]

worried ,
No I know what U mean I have always been the same .I used chemicals to help "fix" I thought at the time what was hurting me .If I were numb there was no pain unforuatly there really was nothing else either no joy or happiness just kind of there .I did every thing is was required to do but was not the fun outgoing game playing mom I had been .I am still trying to make up for that i guess .I think using for alot of people is a way to numb pain.



PS this would be a great post for the addiction recovery group as well .)