Another shot

[scaredanddesperate]

Ok, giving this another shot. A little background I’m a 29 yr old female and I started with the oxy about 2 years ago. Never prescribed to me and I snorted to boot. My ex and I used it as a crutch in our relationship. Boy did we get along while high then on the comedown, back to the fighting. We have three sons who live with me full time and visit him when he is in town. The oxy gave me super-mom energy and I never felt overwhelmed by everything I need to get done. I also have a full-time job.  Now, my ex isn’t using at all because he’s on probation and takes UA’s 3 times a week, so now he looks down on me because I’ve had such a struggle with it. I've posted here before back in May and come to lurk pretty much daily. I was clean from Oxy for almost 30 days but caved. I’ve been back to using pretty much every day, not up to mg's I was before but sure getting there and I want (need) to stop before I do get there. Last night was the last time I used (snorted) and I’ve got some vics to help ease the wd's. I'm not sure if they'll be as vicious as the last time because I still don't have any symptoms. Anyway, I’ve wd’d countless times so I know what to expect and what to do, I have lots of the stuff on the Thomas recipe and some aminos, so I am prepared in that arena but scared to death mentally. I've been to a handful of NA meetings and am going to make that a regular part of my routine. I also came clean to my parents. That was a huge and scary step but their reaction brought me to tears. They were so supportive and genuinely concerned and want to do whatever they can to help me. My father even contacted a addiction counselor and looks like I’m going to do that also. I plan on posting here as often as possible to give me another outlet to vent among others who are or have been in the same position. Sorry that  this post is kinda a half a**ed and jumps allover but i'm at work and my brain is thinking about one thing only I'll reread it and continue it later. Thanks for listening.

[Ryan181]

im with you!!

17 years old
5th day clean
HAD to tell my rents for the sake of my health, i couldnt live with it anymore
railed (snorted) them as well

Your NoT alone! stay strong!! call your doc and get an appt to get all your vital organs checked because u would be surprized the damge those little devils can cause!!

PM me anytime to talk more! i am also a new member, its my first day and i already feel at home!! goodluck!!

[Sunnyd210]

Ohh I take Cymbalta too works wonders for me. Good luck to u

[GoingToMakeIt]

Opera mini for mobile should work on your phone.

[scaredanddesperate]

Thank you for the support. I won't be able to post again until tomorrow morning. No internet at home but I do have it on my cell, just don'y\ know if I can post but I can sure read it. Wish me luck. It's the evenings when i'm relaxing from work or just watching TV with the kids when the cravings really kick in. I know my higher power will be there with me as well as my wonderful boys. My mind needs to be on them and not on a GD pill!  Thanks again guys, I WILL post tomorrow and the next and the next......you get the point. I really need this place right now. Peace

[scaredanddesperate]

Such an easy thing to do, yet it never crossed my mind. I will call my phone company and do that! I'm not too worried about her stoppin by my place but she just might after she realizes i don't have the same number. Thanks for the suggestion!

[GoingToMakeIt]

You can do this! Recovery is a process. It is an excellent idea to get a new number. You have to decide that you want this. Being clean is a decision. Do not give in when your body screams at you. You have the strength to say no.

[ochooked]

Ditto to what Cathy said above - --- - I would also suggest that you tell your "friend" where you are in your quest - ------  There is something good about burning your bridges with these type of friends so that it gives you strength during your weak moments - -- at least both of you know that you need help -- and that may be just the edge you need to overcome this - -- best to you --  you will make it.

[cathy5841]

let me suggest to you, you get your number changed....as long as it is available you are an addict...you will get it...i had to change all my numbers and ask my "friends" not to come over....

[scaredanddesperate]

Cathy and Lis Thanks guys. I've followed  your storys so I know you both came off way more than I am. I'm just tired of this junk consuming my mind. If i have $ in my pocket i feel like i need to get pills with it. Up until the OC i had only smoked pot, nice jump to one of the hardest drugs huh!
Sunny- Thank you for the support and I have been on an AD in the past, cymbalta. I'm considering doing getting on it again. I think that'd be a big help and not just for this reason either.

Thanks again to you guys for listening!

True test will be when my "friend" calls if you know what I mean and I know she will. I'm sure it'll be in the heart of my wd's and I just want the power to press ignore instead of gettin "just one more" never ever just one more

[Sunnyd210]

I wasnt an oxy user (Vicoden) but I wanted to send u some support and I hope things go well. I know that the mental part can be the hardest to get over mayb an anti depressant might help?

[liscamdave]

same here....clean from Oxy's.....going on 8 months...you can do it....we are here to help.....

[cathy5841]

so glad you decided to give this another try.  the aftercare is so important...we go to na too and it has helped alot.  posting here is a great support to.  you can do this.  i was a snorterof oxy and have been clean going on 8 months.  you can if i can....