On day 3 and SO depressed I want to just die

[so_tired_of_it]

I've been on this site reading mostly, entered a few posts. I am at the end of my rope. I ran out of 5/500 hydros on Saturday, and I have been thru withdrawals Many times before, always horrible. This and hopefully my LAST time has been bad, gets worrse every time, as you all know. People at my AA meeting always say, 'when you've reached your 'bottom', stop digging.' I've read that day 3 can be bad, and maybe its a self fulfilling prophecy but all I can do is sit around and cry. I suffer from major depression and am taking antidepresants. I just cant go on doing this to myself every month, get a prescription for 60 hyrdros and eat them all in 5 days and then suffer for 10-15 days, start feeling better off them and then forget how truly bad it was, and then go refill it. I've gone and drank when I've run out, ran to ERs, the whole gamut. I am so sick of this life and want off it. I know alot about addiction and alcoholism but it has not done me much good. I havent even been honest that I'm still using pills at the AA meeting and I know it will get me nowhere but stuck in this awful horrendous nightmare. I want to stop so bad I just hoped someone could give me some encouragement - writing this on here is a last ditch effort cause I just want to die. thanks for listening.

[selfinduced]

Just wanted to tell you this thread looks like an old one, maybe start one of your own so it will be seen. Hang in there!

[selfinduced]

I don't have the right words to say to make you feel better cause I am new at this recovery stuff, but PLEASE know tomorrow is a new day. The desperation and hopelessness you feel right now does not have to define you. Make today the day you reach out to someone you trust and tell them just how your feeling. You've taken a brave step by reaching out on this forum for help. Unfortunatly you have this awful disease of addiction, but NOTHING is hopeless. Please tell us more about your situation. Sending prayers and peace your way.

[ternor]

I hear what your saying and I feel for u.  I've been contemplating what nobody wants to hear. I've been in a depression of a black state for a longtime and have tried so many times to come off drugs.  Unless u have money and medical there is no help out there.  The only way out is death in my warped mind.  It's easy to say but hard to do. I'm a coward I guess but soon I wont be I can feel it in my bones.  I wish I could tell you there is a answer and there is but for someone who can afford to pay.  I'm assuming thats your issue "no help to turn to?" People only judge us addicts/alcoholics/ It makes me mad where sometimes I want to curse them with this disease. Oh yeah thats right they think its a choice!!! How ignorant. If you believe in reincarnation maybe there next life they can have this disease.  I feel for u I wish I could take your pain away.  Hang in there.  I'm tired of being tired, death seems to be the answer. Seriously when will somebody see that this is a problem.  Its funny I dont use to get high I use to stay well. otherwise the withdrawal is, well I think killing myself would be alot less painful if u know what I mean. by for now so tired of it,

[Htownnofrown]

Take a chance and reach out to someone at your AA group. Find a sponsor and let them guide you through the steps. Secrets keep us sick but the steps are the cure for that. Good luck!

[LeaAnn807]

Hi!  I just want you to know that you can totally do this.  I know what you mean about taking all your pills and going through WDs every month, only to get over the WD and get right back on them again!  I did that for YEARS.  I went and made up illnesses.  The whole bit!  But I want you to know that it can be over!  You are almost there right now.  Don't give up.  There are things you can get to help a little until you are feeling better.  Just hang in there!!!

[vicki595]

Hey~  You seriously don't want to die but you need to take some action and help yourself!

Get to a meeting TODAY and talk about this. Don't be secretive. That's what's killing you.  Call the pharmacy and cancel ALL refills.

You can do this!!

Keep posting here for support!!

[vicki595]

Hey~  You seriously don't want to die but you need to take some action and help yourself!

Get to a meeting TODAY and talk about this. Don't be secretive. That's what's killing you.  Call the pharmacy and cancel ALL refills.

You can do this!!

Keep posting here for support!!

[Punkinhead75]

Reach out to the folks in your AA group.  If you can't share what is happening with everybody during a mtg try to find someone you trust to tell.  When I relapsed I was scared to death to tell anybody,but that was just my disease trying to keep me sick.  I truly was amazed at the support I received.  When I am being honest I get all sorts of help. Best of luck and thanks for sharing with us.

[laurel453]

Sorry, i forgot to say that yes, days 3 and 4 are usually the worst days but the positive thing is that you are already in the middle of wds so you wll see some light soon, ... take a hot bath, a glass of hot milk and you will feel a little bit better... do you know of the natural supplements to help you with wds ? have you read here about them ?

[laurel453]

It seems you have stopped digging, sotiredofit, haven't you ?... you also said that you were working on your recovery and it was working but then you lost your job and it all started again and you are tired, so tired that you can't go on liiving this way... You have it on your hands, really you have it... day by day again... we all count day by day and you can do it too again. You are right, you can not keep living that way, don't do it, please .... we will be here for you, you are not alone on this fight !! :)

[so_tired_of_it]

Thank you so much for writing back Storme. It means a lot to me that someone can talk to me. I'm still sittin here bawling and finally realized I've tried to go it alone too much. I went to treatment last year ad really thought this time I was DONE. I even went to after care counselor for 6 months,(along with all the other counselors I've gone to in my life) but I lost my job and have been out of work for 10 months, way too much time on my hands. I've gotten so depressed I just quit even looking fora  job. Cant function like this anymore... and the addict mind in me says, "Can you imagine never taking another pill, never getting that 'feeling' again? Lets go to the ER and make up some illness, you wouldnt have to feel this sick"  And I KNOW it would just be delaying the inevitable, horrible withdrawals again. I can't go thru this any more! I want to stop! I will pray to get thru this day.... thank you

[Storme]

I'm glad you decided to come here and talk to us. We can help if you let us. You will get a lot of support from many people who are or have been right where you are now. I was a Hydro user as well and I know how hard it is to let go of our habit but you CAN do it. I know wd's suck but you have been down this road before. Maybe this time, we can help you get through them and keep you from turning back to the pills again.

Please don't give up on yourself. Life has so much to offer you when you are sober. I promise you that. Just keep breathing in and keep fighting this. You know the third and fourth days are the worst and then it starts ebbing and you begin to feel better. You are almost there.

Maybe what kept you from succeeding before was a lack of support and aftercare. That is so important for you. You have come to a great place for advice and support :) Please, please keep writing to us and let us know how you are.

Teresa