CASUAL OXY USER

[Magno]

well first off I hate to even post about something like this but this forum has helped me get to the place im at now more than anyone could imagine..

After getting carried away with my love of recreational painkilller use for a few weeks I managed to put my self on a moderated routine for quite a long time now

I recreationally use an 80 every weekend, occasionally every other...

During the week I have no problem refraining from any use, although i have access whenever i need... If anyone recalls any of my previous posts from a while back this used to be my major problem... if they were available i'd be tempted to do them...not anymore, my priorities/responsablities have taken priority over rec. drug use..

I am happy with where I am at right now, not scared of having to stop forever but truthfully i just dont want to...

Last month i went 3 weeks without even thinking about it but now that work has slowed down and i have time to go out and be social I choose to partake....

I would say i have done an 80 a weekend, give or take, for more then 6 months..

I am not asking any questions im basically just wondering what some of you think of this ?

If i can dabble in this very dangerous drug in total moderation and control and I have no problem stopping if i need to is that ok ? I gave up ALL other recreational drugs and i drink about a 1/4 of the amount as I did for the past 5 years...

I dont fear the thought of never being able to do oc's anymore but at this moment in my life I love it and I have no reason to stop.... Truthfully it kind of scares me and makes me feel bad that I have seen so many of my friends ruin their lives and i have managed to handle it.

I know i am playing with fire... but out of the countless stories of people loosing a grip on reality there has to be a few of you who managed to handle a moderated recreationally habit that you don't regret, maybe somthing you just grew out of as your priorities and responsabilities changed...

anyyyyyyy feedback or comments would be greatly appreciated.. sorry if i rambled i just let it flow as i was typing...

1

[MagnoMore]

* Correction:  i dabbled in every form of opiates that came my way for the next TWO years, and my DOC was primarily H and Oxy.

[MagnoMore]

I know this post is extremely old, but being that i am at a good point in my life i wanted to share the outcome of my situation in hopes it might help people going thru what i did. Sure enough, I did fall back into old habits, and sure enough, i did begin using on a daily basis. i dabbled in every form of opiates that came my way for the next year. On March 5th of 2010 i ate my last opiate and promised myself that if it was the last thing i ever did, i would remain opiate free. The line i kept telling myself was "failure has never been less of an option, there is 0.0000% chance you can continue using opiates recreationally and still live a healthy and productive life. ZERO" I'd read many different views on going thru w/d's and how long it would take to "feel normal" again and the major (and extremely discouraging) part i took away from it was that the physical w/d's was the easiest part of the process. Sure, the first 10 days were a nightmare (gave me a taste of something i never want to experience again in my life) Within about 2-4 weeks my sleeping patterns returned to normal, pretty much. It took me 3-4 months before i started regaining any joy for the simple things in life like going out to dinner or attending a party. 4-7 months later in the fall i slowly started thinking more like i did before getting involved with recreational opiate use. The next few months had ups/downs but i stayed strong and (for the first time in a long time) focused my attention on family and friends, the joy that brought gave me motivation. Now, 15 months after my later opiate i feel as though THAT chapter of my life is closed and for the first time ever i have zero desire to re-open it. Not a single day passes when i don't have thoughts of "the world of opiate addiction" but they are NEVER urges to use rather just a fascination with the powerful substance that took over my life. There are still plenty areas of my life i still need to work on such as my marijuana use and drinking, but opiates are something i hope will never be a part of my life again. The main points i took away from the experience are:

1. TIME: it just takes TIME.. i promise it gets better
2. Friends/Family: Re-connect w/ the positive ones, ditch the bad ones
3. Will-Power: "Failure is not an option"
*I know you have to "keep trying" if you cant kick but ultimately you will have to succeed so WHY NOT NOW?? You CAN do this, so DO IT !!  


god bless

[avisg]

Magno,
I am glad you have stopped many of us went down the same path you did and at the time we thought we were in control as well but it doesnt work that way as you found out sooner or later it becomes a problem.I am gald you stopped but you are early on have you thought about any recovery care for when the need for the oxy filled weekend creeps back up.

[Magno]

* correction my last drug use was sunday january 25th, not the 26th

[Magno]

it's unbelievable, and embarassing, to see how nieve and delusional I was just 6 months ago when I made this post. I found the worst part about my long lived addictions to be something I had never seen in anyone around me but myself.  I somehow had the ability to always stay JUST enough under control to keep my lifestyle afloat (almost wish i got nabbed early on cuz maybe it would have straightened me out while it was easier to do). I did what i had to do to graduate, get a sick job, fool my family/friends/girlfriends and stay out of jail/rehab. one by one i watched all my friends fail out of college, go to jail, go to rehab and in one case, die.  For 7 years I was doing the same amount of drugs as them, if not more, but I ALWAYS managed to get my sh*t done. I figured i was just smarter and more motivated then everyone else. In essence i thought i was a perfect functioning drug addict. I lied to everyone, definitely lied on this board and most importantly i lied to myself.  I came to the conclusion about 3 weeks ago that I could not continue this lifestyle while at the same time balancing a successful relationship with my girlfriend and all the new friends I was beginning to make because of my job, basically I realized I needed to grow the fu*k up and stop living in a dream world of partying like i thought i was a rock-star.  Since my habit had become only a regular wknd occurence I was somehow able to go sun-thur without really thinking about it much, always just knowing it would be there come friday.  My opiate addiction was incredibly bizarre in the fact that I could be fine with only doing them on fridays and saturdays, and a sickening amount of them too. I thought I had it all down pat but since stopping drugs I have come to learn of demons I never knew could exist in a human being. I did my last drugs on Sunday January 26th and 10:17pm and I am motivated to keep that as a permanent quit date.

To give you a little history, I have done every drug in the book (with the exception of psychedelics) but in the past year opiates became a strong favorite as my DOC, followed close behind by marijuana which I smoked like cigarettes. A typical fri-sat night for me would go a little something like this...  Get out of my job coordinating my dealers to be at my place by the time i changed out of my suit.  Blow half an 80, smoke a blunt, drink a few beers.. Meet more friends out for dinner, always order a sprite & a beer.  2-3 oz's of promethazine w. codiene in my sprite. (was a joke how easy it was to get this from the many dif. doctors I visited on my lunch break).  Drink that through out dinner and almost always blow another 1/2 an 80 before dinner is over. Then to the bar or club I would go. Prob. 70% of wknds i would get a few fentynal pops from a friend who had an abundant connection so I would usually pop one of those in my mouth to suck on for a while.  Proceed to drink and nibble 80's well into the night until finally culminating at my apartment with an endless stock of alcohol, xanny bars and weed.

I stuck to this routine for about 5 months

Since January 25th the wk started out pretty tough since i knew I would not be getting banged up come friday, I was downright terrified of what the wknd would bring and I would later learn i was right to feel that way.  Since quitting my mind has been going a mile a minute of the idea that I would now be a differnt person.  The first wknd clean I felt like death, chills/headaches/vomitting. I couldnt leave my bed until sunday came.  Since then not an hour has passed where I haven't thought about doing an opiate or smoking some weed. I tried going out to the bar last wknd but only lasted about 45 minutes because i had no desire to "party" without the help of drugs. I am verrry gradually getting the desire to live my life back and reading countless posts and articles on getting clean.  I have read this board like a mad man since quitting and i credit it larger for my success up until this point.  Don't have any questions yet, will probably start posting more but i just wanted to inform everyone of my status.

god bless

[enemy48]

If you can do it responsibily..........you're one in a million!

[worried878]

k...did not read this whole post...what is a casual oxy user?  

[Magno]

thanks man, wish you the best of luck. appreciate your advice, thanks for sharing ur experience

[wolvey]

You are either making me extremely jealous or extremely worried! I think both. But let me tell you my story. I was 23 Modeling and doing great with my art career! I got introduced to Oxy and Roxy contin. I got it for free a pill here and a pill there from my modeling friends. I only used on the weekend at social gatherings. This lasted a good year. I then used it when I was having a bad day, or problems with my girlfriend, Needing it to chill so I could paint. I then found myself buying! Thats when it creeps up on ya. I first bought 2, 1 for Sat. and 1 for Sun. then thought what the heck I am making money off modeling and selling my paintings so why not stock up and avoid the hassle of hooking up again. As you know if you don't have a script for it, the street price is no less than $40 a pill for 80mg Oxy...or as I like to call them the mean greens! I took one everyday and functioned off of it. Being a functional addict with out knowing it. I then started to do more and more...when I was bored, before I went to a movie, a date, a show whatever. Still I did not notice the severity. I was spending $250 a day on oxy! Then my dealer got busted and I had no hook up! I started w.d.ing and realized just how bad I needed them and went to something I thought I would never do! Heroin! I bought a gram or two a day getting high and not doing ****! Not painting missing shoots, not making any money and spending all the money I saved on heroin! Then I found a new hook up for oxy and was so happy and scared that it could end any second that I would buy 25 at a time spending close to a thousand dollars and only lasting less than two weeks! It was horrible! Finally getting to a point of being a junkie and realizing it and still not caring because you just want that high, or the least to  just feel normal! I would hook up heroin if I couldn't get oxy and when nothing was around I would just withdrawal and get sick all the time not doing anything but puking and shaking, feeling like **** and a loser! Opiates are evil and soooo hurtful! It ruins even the strongest and nicest people! Please be careful. I hope you watch yourself because it is fun and games now especially if your not paying for them and easy to get. Soon you will find yourself paying and chasing it! Don't fall into the dark side! I did and it ruined my life my career and everything and everyone I cared about. Luckily I still have galleries and companys that love my art and companys that still want me to model. Everyone loves a comeback right! Well i'm living proof of it. I am now on methadone at a low dose to help me kick my addiction. But I also have to pay the piper with methadone too. I am just being more careful this time with this opiate. It helps me not to get sick and helps with the cravings. But man imagine you don't even have to be in my situation if you just stop now! Trust me life is better without drugs in the long run! But hey if you have good will power and you are aware of yourself maybe you are the exception! And I am totally jealous! Be safe and party but don' t end up partying like a rockstar and end up a junkie! Take care and good luck! I have to be honest I wish I could still snort an oxy and be able to go weeks without one! But I am one of those real addictive types that likes the high and wants to keep it going. I payed and am paying the piper big time! Hopefully all will be better for me soon! But I know its gonna be a long hard road! Wish me luck too buddy!

[Soon2BMrsTurner]

And let me add that I have taken meds for 4 years due to serious health problems, Never turned bad for me but I got to the point where Im sick of the pills running my life, Having to worry about having them and im learning other ways to deal with the pain. I do however have to say that there are so many people that need pain meds and the doctors are scared to give them because of people like you that take them for fun, Its really sad if you think about it and all those that cant get them because they are being misused by so many.

[Soon2BMrsTurner]

Please stop now, If its that easy for you why not just stop before you are here telling your story of how you are totally out of control and cant stop? This is like playing with a gun half loaded its just a matter of time before the shot goes off and all hell breaks loose. People here were just like you , could take them when they wanted and sooner or later you take them when the drug wants you to and thats alot. You loose everything and I just dont know if you realize what a hell you are playing with, But please come here when you want to get clean, I dont know if its the best thing for others to see how you are ok to take them every now and then, I know I wouldnt be. I dont know what you were wanting out of this post but I promise you nobody here is going to tell you that what you are doing is ok because its not. To many here have lost everything to these devil pills and its sad to see someone else that will end up here also when you had the chance to stop.

[Girl_Interupted618vygyx]

I think it would be a miracle if you did not get totally addicted eventually. its progressive. It also plays tricks on your mind. I think its sraight from Satan himself. Be careful. I used to be an occational user and now it has totally taken over my life.

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

One Doctor I had impressed the heck out of me - and he said he never treated an addict that thought the rules applied to them. Unfortunately they do apply to all of us. You may well be the one that can handle chasing the dragon ... but the again.....good luck

[Magno]

thanks guys ill continue to post and read the boards..
have a good wknd everyone
godbless

[avisg]

yeah , here is the truth I played the game you are playing for a long time years even. Only on the weekends and then it was only in the evenings .Then after YEARS like this it moved to weekends all weekend but only then . Then it slowly worked into full blown addiction . I think you are completely fooling yourself if you think you will be able to contue like this and not end in a very bad place.

Here is the good new you can stop now .stop using it now . Let us all be the poster children for where going down this road will lead .You can turn this around plz do before it become a heck of a lot harder to do :)

[tryinhard78]

Just wanted to add to this that for years I could take pain meds as directed..throw the rest away and never thought about them again. That is until 4 years ago..I don't know what changed but all of a sudden I couldn't stop taking them...I couldn't throw them away or take as directed anymore. Caught me off gaurd and now I'm fighting for my life. Don't play with the pills you are going to get burned eventually. It may not be any time soon but it will get you when you least expect it.

[ochooked]

Right now Oxy is 'courting' you ----  It will soon insist on marrying you  -  then it will control you and it will not divorce you without the hardest fight of your life.   I sense that you already are wise enough to understand this ----- but, for some reason you think you are the exception and Oxy will continue to just be your lover.   Unfortunately, you are wrong.  I sure hope you can stop before you get in too deep.  Please keep posting and reading this site - - It will help you more than you can imagine. All the best to you.

[Magno]

thank you, you are all great people, especially worried878, i appreciate your responses... i dont know what i was looking for by posting... a slight part of me is scared of the potential for my habit to blossom into somthing much worse if some stimulus sets it off but as of now im kind of just suprised that i am handling it so well.. maybe i am a bit delusional but after years of bad weed/yay/pills/hallucinations/alcohol use i have given it all up for 1 pill a weekend... i dont know if this is a good trade off, i know its a risky one, but i like i said im just suprised that its gone so well thus far.. Part of me thinks i should just let it go and move on but deep down in my heart i just dont want to.. was probably a dumb question to ask on a forum like this but i wanted to know if anyone else has had experience being able to handle using oc's in a recreationally moderate... but after trolling this board for quite a long time history shows that where im at usually does not end well.. obviously im sure most people would say, just stop now while you still can, but as i read over and over you have to really want to... and i dont.  Thanks again for acknowledging my post, i know it was a bit irrational and out of the norm.. i will continue to read the forum and post back in the future...
god bless

[mr.lucky66]

SOME FEW PEOPLE CAN USE STRONG DOPE FOR A PERIOD, BUT SOONER OR LATER, YOU'LL PAY. I HAD A FRIEND WHO USED HEROIN ON WEEKENDS FOR YEARS BUT ONE TIME IT CAUGHT UP TO HIM AND HE BECAME A EVERYDAY JUNKIE.

[worried878]

ummmmmmmm.....so what do u want to hear...that doing 80 mg of oxy every weekend is ok and u will stay safe and never falter and end up using 80 mg or more a day?  sorry...cant say that..i can say u r holding firm if u used to use everyday..quite an acheivement..i guess....or maybe it is a bit delusional..i dont know u whole situation...if u r comfy with it...what gave u the urge to post....i dont think anyone will say it is ok...or Congrats as u r controlling ur use for NOW...dont know...what do u want to hear?

[broknbck]

well it is very addicting. like i started smoking but only when i went out and drank. like maybe once a week or once every 2 weeks.

well that lasted for 1 year and now i am a pack or more a day for like 10 years. having a hard time quitting too.

so like you said it is playing with fire and personally i don't think it is really worth it. it is something i would not wish on my worst enemy to be addicted to them. it is by far the worst thing i have ever experienced and has changed my life forever.

[Magno]

I gave up ALL other recreational drugs and i drink about a 1/4 of the amount as I did for the past 5 years...

*correction... 5 months