BACK AGAIN! Im in a bad place and need some support!

[this_big]

I dont know why i keep putting myself through this BS. It gets outta control before i even see it happen. Right now im RXed 112 30mg roxies and 56 60mg Morphine. My last script was filled less than two weeks ago, and im out!! I've been out for a few days now. Picking up and borrowing whatever i can. The last few days thats been...i cant even remember how many 10mg methadone and last night i had a 75mcg fentanyl patch delivered. Really?!?! Fentanyl!! I always told myself i wouldnt mess with these friggin things. Lets put it this way..i cut it into 1/4s because of all the warnings on the package. I was scared to put the whole patch on. You guessed it...ive got all 4 1/4s on now. The scary part is its not doing much to ease my withdraws.

This crap has to end!! As always it couldnt be worse timing. I've got a whole list of excuses why now isnt a good time. I know deep down thats all they are is excuses. I've been lurking here for the past few weeks reading and re-reading old posts trying to remind myself its possible to get through this crap.I've never felt so stuck in all my life!! I cant live this way!! I know what needs to be done, but just cant muster up the courage to do it...Stressin so bad right now...

[toothfairie]

talk to us....i know it feels that way....any time you want to vent just do it....that's what we are here for....what are you feeling?  PM me if you want...if you can't talk on here.

[this_big]

I cant do this. I know i should be focusing on myself, but I cant. I feel like my whole life has been pulled from under me.

[toothfairie]

I know you're nervous about the meeting...so was I and still get nervous walking in.....but with a little nudging (and you know who you are) .lol  i did it and it is helping...although i'm a newbie here just want to lend my support....you are about to start a new life and who knows what you can accomplish while you're clean!  it feels so good not to have to worry about if I will run out of pills....etc  you can do it....we are here for you and will support you all we can!  good luck with the meeting!!  

[this_big]

  lol...pride aside..got it. Thanks for the laugh i needed that.

I dont know why i'm so damn nervous right now. I've been to meetings before..well..AA mainly, but i did go to a couple NA. The AA meetings seemed..idk..a lil more ...I felt more comfortable. But truthfully i didnt really feel like everyone could relate. I just wish i could calm down right now. I'm breatheing like a pregnant woman giving birth. A friend of mine said he was gonna try and get a sitter and come with me...waiting on the call.

[Teresa1717]

Getting humble, was MY most DIFFICULT thing to do!! And I am thankful I did and I had people on here who helped push me to do that! I love going to my meetings now and I have met so many great SOBER people who have helped me so much!! Let me also repeat after Dominosarah.....

"Put your pride aside, walk in and ask for help.  The people there have been where you are at now.  You will get names and numbers from people who care about you.  Make today the first day of your new life~"

[IBKleen]

"Put your pride aside, walk in and ask for help.  The people there have been where you are at now.  You will get names and numbers from people who care about you.  Make today the first day of your new life~" Repeat after Dominosarah and get moving.

All that you have lost compared to getting your life back. There is no comparison.Get humble. Surrender and ask for help.

I can't, WE can.