Day 1 starts Tomorrow

[Vicktory07]

Ok tomorrow will be my first day CT off of a 2 year 100mg/perc habit..I know this sounds crazy but the ONLY thing that keeps me hooked on these damn pills is the fact I feel like I'm a better dad when I'm taking them..I know its bad.but I'm scared sh*tless to quit because I dnt want my daughter to think I'm not a good dad when I'm not on them..she is two years old so I've been taking them since she's been born..can someone please help me..I'm not scared of withdrawls or none of that..I just need to know that my relationship with my daughter will not change..

[Ashelen]

Hey...you are not alone. Hang in there. I am a mom of a 2 1/2 year old and a 9 month old and I"m about to stop taking hydrocodone...I take a LOT smaller of a dose than you, but I totally understand your fears. The biggest fear that I have about quitting is that my kids are going to suffer whileI go through everything....but as for worrying that you will be a worse father...

don't listen to that scared voice in your head. the truth is, you probably aren't as good of a father on the percocet as you think you are. Imagine...all the times that your brain has felt fuzzy...imagine all the times that you've felt yucky between doses...you BOTH deserve better than that.

my kids are the biggest motivator in me stopping my meds. i'm actually a pain patient and I've never had trouble abusing my meds, but still they have ahold of me...and I'm sick of it, and d@mned angry.

please stay around here..you'll get some awesome support...but you really are goin to be just fine and your daughter is going to love getting to know the real daddy, and I bet he's going to find out that he turns out to be as good of a daddy sober as he thinks he is on percs.... you are giving your baby an amazing gift. hang in there...we' can do this together..there are 2 other parents of young children on here who are currently quitting too so we can all support each other. feel free to message me

-ashe

[nwilliams27]

Im a mother of 2 n im going to stop as well. Im currently taking percs as well ive been taking them 4 abt a yr now. My biggest motivation is my kids. Im here to tlk if u want

[Vicktory07]

Thank you for your response! I know ur exactly right and my mind is prob playin tricks on me.I mean how can I be a good dad when I spend all my money on pills,I'm constantly thinking about them and I have no emotions.there is no way that can be a good dad.I could be buying her toys,clothes and taking her to do fun stuff and not worryin about pills...that would be a good daddy! I'm looking forward to the change, I know its for the best!!

[Ashelen]

I know you probably ARE a great dad, but you can be even better...just like I can be an even better mommy.

imagine...picture you waking up, NOT taking a pill, NOT waiting for it to kick it...NOT counting pills and going on a family vacation...

I picture that and it makes what I'm going to go through worthwhile.

Welcome to our group, nwilliams...I'm honored to be among such amazing mommies and daddies who are devoted to their children and ready to be Free, like me.

We can do this...

[Eebb26]

Parent here of a15 month old and 12 year old. I'm scared shi**less too. I have been SLOWLY tapering. I guess I'm chicken, I guess I'm prolonging. But the truth is I'm scared to die. I was taking 15-20 percs10/325 a day, now taking 10-11 a day. I plan by Monday to be down to 9-10. Im tryig to lesson WD. I'm chicken. I often feel like a more energetic parent on percs. My one year old isn't a good sleeper and sometimes I need the mood boost and then an hour later I come down and my eyes are fighting to stay open. It scares me. I am also a pain patient but have taken more then I was suppose to. I'm ashamed because I've done the dr shopping, prescription lying and I am ashamed that I let a pill run my life. I'm now scared My older daughter wld be influenced by my actions. It all got out of hand when I lost my dad in oct. I keep masjid the sadness w pills. I just made an appt w a therapist that specializes in substance abuse. I wish u both lots of luck and strength. Ibwish I had a fraction if what u have in courage

[Ashelen]

Eebb...don't beat yourself up. we're all fighting this battle in our own way...OK? no matter how you get there, the fact that you DO get there is what is important.

You are just as brave as we are....and I totally understand. that's when I decided to quit - when I woke up and realized I needed to take a pill to be able to do all the morning things with my kids and just be "normal" I said "no, this is enough!".

hang in there...we'll all get there together, OK?

[Vicktory07]

We all will get there!! And Ash I know exactly what u mean when u say u had to take a pill in the morning to function with ur kids..that's where I'm at now..and that's what scares me is not having that "motivater" I guess u could say...

[Ashelen]

I know I know I know...trust me, I know. but millions of other parents wake up cheerful and happy without pills, you know? we can too. we just have to get back to normal...and we have to pay the piper for the time that we put this poison in our bodies.

but we'll pay our dues, and soon we'll be better than ever because we'll have a better appreciation for the simple, everyday beauty of waking up NOT withdrawing.

[Ashelen]

and that much I CAN say from experience - the last time I stopped taking the pills, I remember waking up and thinking "god I feel AMAZING...this feeling is AMAZING"....and I woke up and danced with my daughter that day. I was crippled with pain by the time I got to bed, but GOD it was worth it.

[Vicktory07]

ur awesome thanks for the support! I know waking up tomorrow is not going to be fun BUT I'm DOING it and I know it'll get better..thank you guys so much! I will be posting here everyday! Goodnight everyone! Can't wait to wake up and feel amazing...hopefully sooner than later!

[Ashelen]

keep that positive attitude! Best wishes for a good night's sleep.

[deserveshappiness]

We will have power within each other. Im a mother too. My son is 8 months old and i want to stop npw before he gets any older. God does not give us more then we can handle. We WILL beat this!!

[Eebb26]

Can I ask, this question comes from being new to the whole addict thing and realizing I have a problem. If you felt amazing when u were clean, how did u end up using meds again? Please don't feel I'm being rude, I'm just curious and I want to know what to be on the lookout for

[Ashelen]

it's fine hon, I don't mind answering.

the truth is, I never really saw myself as "using" pills. I always took them as directed, never took them too close together (My doctor jokes that I"m a "dream patient" because if my dose is 6hrs apart, I take them 6hrs 5 mins so the doses aren't too close..). I had no problem getting them and in fact my pain management doctor is NOT supportive of me stopping; he thinks I still need them.

The reason I stopped last time was because I voluntarily chose to go on a "drug holiday" where you stop taking the pills for a few weeks in order to restart your tolerance so that you do not have to keep taking higher and higher doses. I began kicking around the idea of not refilling my script then, but I ended up doing it anyway because I hurt so bad.

But I'm very tired of being dependent. my doctor tells me to take the meds around the clock so that I stay ahead of the pain, and I just refuse to live that way anymore. I've stopped taking the meds in the past...for pregnancies, for "drug holidays", or because my pain level was lower and I didn't need them....but this time, I want to stop for ME. not because I'm not in pain - I am in a ton. today I painted our new house for 9 hours, ripped up carpets, and I hurt like you would not believe and will continue to as we work on our house over the next week before moving next weekend. But I want to get control of my life again.

the reality of my life and my physical problems is that someday, I may end up in pain management again....but today is not that day. next month is not that month. I need to get to know myself, and my TRUE Pain levels, and see how life looks from the other side of a pill bottle for awhile. I do not crave the pills, abuse them, hoard them, or in fact even like them - the euphoric feeling when one kicks in scares the CRAP out of me and if I get that feeling while I'm falling asleep, I force myself to stay awake because I feel like I'm going to die - but I know that I'm dependent and I've decided that it doesn't matter if I take the pills because I want to or because I "have" to. they have just as strong a hold on me as they would on any addict who takes them because they want to, and enough is enough.

[Eebb26]

Thank you so much for sharing that. It's amazing how something, anything that everyone dad here relates to me somehow. I  also am afraid to go to sleep when I'm 'foggy' cyz I'm scared I will die also. Yet sometimes I will take it to help me sleep. I've never been so F*#^^** scared in my entire life. I've even started to have panic attacks. I feel like I don't live anymore. I just get by in between doses. Truth is at least half the time I dont feel food when I take them. Wtf is wrong w me??????

[Ashelen]

You're addicted. pure and simple. I am too, whether I want to be or not. You sound to me like you're almost ready to jump....how far down are you still planning to wean before you go for it? there's nothing WRONG with you as a person - we all have vices and we all have regrets....but unlike many human beings, you recognize your problem and are working to fix it. To my mind, that makes you better than a lot of people!

I understand your fear...today is my first day of 1 pill and I am scared ***@**** go paint the house with my husband's family so even if I'm feeling squirrelly I have to act normal...phew..that's gonna be tough.

[Vicktory07]

Wow today is going to be rough! Hope painting the house goes well..hope everyone has a good day today..I'm going to try,but its going to be hard!

[GMcp]

yup i feel the same way i have 3 little ones and there having a hard time watching me get off these i was taking the same amount and im on day 4 and feelin ok now that i got this supplement plan that someone posted its hard the first 5 days get lots of help with the baby, but you will be a better dad once you are clean! good luck if i can do it so can you! it was HELL!!!!!!!!