Dodged a Bullet.

[headies]

Wow, I just almost relapsed. But I caught myself in mid stride to the ATM. It was weird, I went to the store to get some milk when Im walking into the store I see an old OC buddy. He was a good guy several years ago and never really worried me with his problems, so I see him and say hi! We talk and he asks me if I have any smoke, (weed) and I tell him that I have a half smoked jay in my ashtray of some stuff I smoked last night after a gig I played. (Guitar Player)  So we get in my car and drive off. We light the joint and he starts talking. Syaing he was fresh out of jail and living with his mom. He said he had no car and walked up to the store to meet a friend to score some "dope". Well I thought he ment weed, because we always refered to weed as dope. Well I am an idiot, because he ment oxy's. So we are smoking and he asks " can you give me a ride home after my dope gets here"?. I say sure whens the smoke going to get here, Is it good? He says no not smoke, but oc 80's. I say " god damn" how much? He says 40 bucks. I say I will take 4. He says do you have money? And I tell him I need to go to the ATM acroos the street. He says well hurry up, he is going to be here soon. So I leave him at the Kroger and go over to the Bank.

At this very moment I realized what I was doing. I began thinking and wondering what I was doing. I began thinking about my 24 days sober. I began thinking how good I felt right now and how I didnt want to get these pills. So I go into the bank withdraw twenty bucks. Go to the gas station and get the gallon of milk I set out to get in the first place.

The only problem is I ditched my buddy with no warning or notice. I just disappeared.  Now I am back home typing and smoking another joint trying to calm myself down. Now my buddy is calling over and over. Leaving messages about how he got the pills for me and needs a ride home. I am freaking out. He is a mile down the road with the ultimate devil, calling me over and over. Maybe 30 calls in the last 45 minutes. Oh my god what a nightmare.

It's funny how one minute you can be planning a healthy breakfast and workout, then be scoring oc 80's a minute later. I must say the urge to itch is strong. I began think about this site, my girlfriend, my parents, and my future and I bailed. It sucks I ditched my friend, but I am so glad I didnt relapse. Really makes me realize that pot smoking is going to ruin my chances of staying off opiates permently. Dodged a bullet big time.

P.S look at this funny pic my girl took of me on pills three years ago. I was oxyed out of my brain and taking shots of whisky. I had no idea I looked this messed up. She said she took it to show me how messed up I was. She tried to convincr me that it wasnt a good look for me.

[Clamity2]

Maybe you should stay clean from pot too. No amount of smoke is good for your lungs anyway. I want to get healthier and save $. The pot cost alot for me when I smoke because it's all or nothing for me and its too much $ here. I am saving my $ and getting healthy for my next vacation to see my brother whom I havent seen in 20 years. I can pay for this vacation with $ from oxy and weed docs urgentcare ers etc.
I AM SO GLAD TO BE GETTING CLEAN WITH YOU ALL!

[headies]

Yeah, I think every musican plays better when they are high on pills. I think it helps me focus. It also amps you up a little. But they only do that for a short period, then the good feeling goes away, and you are simply chasing the dragon.

[drummerboy28]

I never agreed with pot being the whole "gateway" but I am now starting to see that it really is!  I am a drummer here in a local cover band and my biggest hang up is feeling that I am a better performer on pills.  I know that it is more of a mental issue.  I started taking percocet's that were perscribed by my Dr. a little over 2 years ago.  Now it seems my whole life is based around counting how many I have left and when my next appointment is.  My Dr.  has me on a slow taper replacing the oxycodone with hydrocodone, telling me that the wd's aren't as intense.  I think that wd's are wd's...they all suck!!!!  Keep it up!

[drummerboy28]

I never agreed with pot being the whole "gateway" but I am now starting to see that it really is!  I am a drummer here in a local cover band and my biggest hang up is feeling that I am a better performer on pills.  I know that it is more of a mental issue.  I started taking percocet's that were perscribed by my Dr. a little over 2 years ago.  Now it seems my whole life is based around counting how many I have left and when my next appointment is.  My Dr.  has me on a slow taper replacing the oxycodone with hydrocodone, telling me that the wd's aren't as intense.  I think that wd's are wd's...they all suck!!!!  Keep it up!

[headies]

I really need to quit smoking pot, because that whole situation would have been avoided all togeather. I starting to realize this is the cause of the problem.

[OXYFIEND]

Isn't it so annoying how he is calling you so many times in a row right now? Hes the one with the stuff. Doesn't that remind you of yourself calling your dealers in the past a million times til they pick up and come thru for you? I know it reminds me of a past that is all too familiar and I never want to go back to it again. I give you alot of credit because the devil basically waved that evil right in your face. It wasn't even like you went out there looking to score. Thats why you always have to be ready because you can get back into that hellish lifestyle as easy as it is to go and pick up a carton of milk. Go buy yourself something nice with that money you took out of the ATM. Something that will actually last you a while you know? Just think of all the money you have blown on that garbage in the past. Good job

[headies]

Thanks guys. I feel good now. I had to just realize that some friends just arent worth having. At least not now, I am not strong enough yet. God my breakfast I am having has never tasted sweeter. I am so glad I didnt do that. I was actually calculating a taper schedule before I even relapsed. Funny how my mind works.

Good to see you are still around OXyAddict420.

[GoingToMakeIt]

Yeah. Toooo Much Info there. I am glad you said no.

[oxyaddict420]

That is awesome that you bailed on him and the OC's man.. You were stronger than me today Ill tell you that.. If you have to unplug that dang phone.. everytime it rings you will think of pills..

YOU CAN BEAT THIS URGE MAN

YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES

I AM HERE FOR YOU MAN

[cathy5841]

way to go!!!!!one bullet at a time....sucks for your friend though lol...keep up the good work cuz it is work, i have been clean since thanksgiving, and  am still workin at it.  good luck i am here if ya need me.
cathy

[headies]

Yeah you are right, my emotions are just racing right now. This pic looks better anyway!

[IBKleen]

I DON'T need to be looking at pics of you high. Not cool for me......