Can I find quality of life after opiate addiction? I just want to be "normal" again plz...

[Luckygirl05]

Hi everyone of my fellow opiate strugglers,
  My husband and I both have become addicts to any kind of narcotic painkillers that we can get ahold of... Sad to say that it all started with me and my rx's. I was given several prescriptions over the years for vicodin or perc's. I used to be able to take just one 5/500 vic and it would mess me up for a few hours... Now I can take 6 of them at a time and I literally feel nothing but nauseous from all the Tylenol in them. I secretly had a rx for them about 5 years ago when we had me and I would take them just when I had them and no more than 1-2 a day. No big deal, right? Well as time went on I realized that I needed more, and did some things to get more from doctors. My husband asked me what they were like and why everyone was taking them and so I gave him a few to try... HUGE mistake! We casually took them just when I had them for about 6 months until I got scheduled for some cosmetic surgery that they gave me 90 perk's for 2 weeks on advance and then got more.  By the time my surgery went down my husband and I had taken all of my pain pills and I had to deal with augmentation (under the muscle) with nothing more than advil... It was pure painful hell to say the least. That was in October 2008' and things have spiraled out of control... I had a child in June 06' adding to my already 4 1/2 year old boy at the time and let's just say he was the hardest child ever to raise, still is but I love him. I thought that if I took pills then I could clean my house, take great care of my boys, get tons of energy, cook large meals for my family, basically be super mom and super wife... Now without them I can't even muster up enough energy to get out of bed and I am SO depressed that life just isn't worth living without them. I, my husband and I actually, have a HUGE problem here and I so need some support /advice! Things have gotten so bad that I was stealing 60/month from a man that I was care giving for... Not that he even needed them. I convinced the VA that he was in pain so I could feed the monkey on my back. Then I get the 30/7.5/750 vic ES from one of my dr's, 52 every 2 weeks of the Norco 5/325 (104 month) and my husband gets 30 5/500 vic every 2-3 weeks from his dr. I get Tramadol in between lately just because I had to go tell one of my dr's that I thought I may have a mild issue w/ opiates... My withdrawals were SO severe OMG... I really thought I was going to die. Oh and the best part is that if that wasn't enough drugs we are also have recently been spending over $1,000/month. This is so scary to even write this down. I guess it's time to come clean to somebody and if you are reading this then you're it:) I am frightened for my life right now... My addiction is much worse than my husbands even. He weighs about 220 and I am about 120 yet I can tollerate so many more than him. I am taking around 10-25 of whatever I have at the time to take. Last Sun. I took 7 10/325 Norcos then followed that up w/ 24 5/500 vics 'in one day. I basically took way too much tylenol and I have been vomiting since then. Sat-present I haven't though so I hope the worst part of that is over now. I have about 20 vic, 2 perk and appx 5 methadone at my disposal right now but my rx's are due next week... I want to GET OFF THIS S**T!!! Please please help me! I don't know how to live without it now... I started on Celexa (anti depressant) and Xanax (anti- anxiety) back in Feb. because I thought if I could deal with my severe depression then I could finally break this cycle but I am still depressed- now with or without the pills. The xanax helps me sleep at night because I can barely cope with all the racing thoughts that pour through my brain when I lay in bed at night. I feel so much guilt for being a mom like this. I know that my 8 year old has caught on and I finally had a talk with him about it because he wanted to know why I always go to the pharmacy and why when I dont I get really "sick"... It was a horrible talk for me. My own mom is in prision for events that have occured due to her drug/alcohol addiction that started when I was just 3. I love my kids and family and I know that I am living a lie. No one would ever suspect that my husband and I are addicts and we have to keep it that way! This is the only forum I have read or posted to because I feel like I have to share this with someone... I am really just hoping someone can tell me that my energy will return and eventually I will be able to get out of bed in the morning without wanting to cry my eyes out without the pills. I can't even take my kids to the park unless I am high, this is pathetic. How did I do this to myself and my family?: I swore I would never be like my mom and now unless I make huge changes I will be. I am a good mom and most wouldn't know I have to be high to even take a shower and put clothes on in the morning but it's all true... It's so hard trying to quit too since my husband and I are never on the same page and wanna quit at the same time... My time is now though. I want to use the few m I have to help me get off the V= trust me, it does help a lot w wd's! I am ready to do this but please tell me how long until I am ok??? I just need anything positive that says that I am going to make it and live a clean and sober life for my family,,, Thanks for reading my rant and rave and any advise is so appreciated:) God bless, C

[Shanncan]

I was coming on here for support on How long does it take to feel normal again was? I am on day 17 and it hasn't gotten easier, even though my sickness is gone I still don't sleep good, wake up sweating, still sneezing and get chills, but worse of all I have have absolutely NO energy and my brain just won't function, every thing is so hard to do, but I have 3 kids and 1 step child all ranging from 2 yrs to 12 yrs old that I have to take care of, so more than anything I just want to feel normal and be able to do for them. That's what makes it so hard, but I have to remind myself all day to look at this as long term because short term would be to take a pill and feel better but that would only be for that day and then what about tomorrow, so that has helped because I know that my daily pill use got me no where but here even though then I thought it made me super mom, more outgoing, happy, able to do everything I needed and now look I am more miserable, unmotivated, lost, confused than ever before. I have never experienced dipression or so unhappy with myself ever in my whole 30 years of living!!         But back to you, already you have done the most important and first step you have admitted you have a problem and even more you were open and honest about it and your reaching out for help, so really your already in step 4 in the 12 step program so you should definitely be proud of that!! I wish I could tell you more but I'm only on day 17 but I will definitely keep you posted as I progress because if anything this was my first time ever posting or writing about my recovery and I must admit this is the first time today of feeling any relief, so thank you for your honesty it really helped me.  Thanks and we can do this!!  

[ready2enjoylife]

Just stopping through to see how your doing?!?

[ready2enjoylife]

No problem! I wish I had known all of this before I started using the Trams, but I had a part of me that didn't care at the time of any form of addiction. Again, I've had issues with other drugs so I have a huge addictive personality. And it's really not surprising that your Dr. assumes that Tramadol isn't addictive, it's just sad how one doesn't know!! How are you feeling today? Are you off the opiates completely yet? Anything can become an easy addiction if you are an addict, just remember that.

[Luckygirl05]

Wow, I am shocked... I never thought of Tramadol as even being potentially misused. I have a bad addiction, not just to opiates but also stimulants... I have misused most anything that comes in pill form. If it says that may cause dizziness/drowsiness of euphic effects then down the shoot it went. I see exactly where you all are coming from. The effects when I have taken it have however not been euphoric in the least. It surprises me that after telling my dr. that I had a problem with narcotics that he would prescribe me Tramadol to help me off? He said that it was not a narcotic and I could use as many as I need until I break the addiction from my other meds. I guess he must think that because it is not a narcotic that I wouldn't get addicted? I don't know... He is a great Dr. but I have to take it from other ppl in my situation and ppl that have been there. I doubt my dr is taking pills hand over fist like I do. Tram does seem like a lesser evil to be but sounds still evil none the less. I appreciate the information very much!

[avisg]

ready,
Unforutly lots of people have to find out the hard way about tramadol.It is a nasty withdrwl .You gave some great info ...Welcome to the forum

[ready2enjoylife]

Also, I wanted to add that MOST DEFINITELY your life will get better after opiates. I also know about depression and anxiety,and thought that taking opiates was the best thing ever. I was able to do anything, for the first few months anyhow. I became so involved in my addiction that I really started slacking on all my duties, all I wanted to do was sleep or lay around. The uppity doesn't last forever. Remember that! AS time goes on, things WILL get worse if you stay in this addiction. I look at things day by day, you have to. Or else you become too overwhelmed. It's rough having kids, but I tell you from experience I have noticed that my kids have HELPED me to stay more focused, and having to stay busy and care for them, helps with cravings as well. There hasn't been a day yet that I haven't briefly though of a pill, but I'm not getting the super anxiety feeling when I do, and the cravings don't last. You do have to get everything that is a negative influence or a possible relapse far away. Use whatever support you can get.