Aa
Check check in
Hi lovely MH peeps. Thought I would check in. Still no word on the surgery date which I am trying not to let drive me CRAZY! Haha. I'm at my busiest time of year as my student's year end show is next weekend. I am doing okay with the pain meds. I've managed to keep my dose pretty low. My lovely new GP and I signed an opiate contract and I am going in every two weeks to evaluate my pain. I find that if I stay in bed all day until I have to teach I can manage without meds until 8 or 9 at night. I am still swelling in my abdomen, lymph nodes still the size of golf balls in my groin, still bleeding from my bowel. I am going in for a sigmoidoscopy tomorrow and so I'm fasting. They are going to sedate me due to my inflammation and severe pain. Agh I just want this over. At least I have good medical support (finally) and great home support, and my support groups, and you lovely folks. I feel that I will be able to keep my dosage minimal until surgery and then have a good taper plan at the end because I will not have the luxury of c/t because I have to keep working this summer. It's hard, so hard, but I'm doing it and honestly, I'm proud of myself. I am a totally different woman than I was three years ago. About a week ago I had a bit of a meltdown when the pain was bad and told my mom how scared I was, both of the pain and the drugs. She told me she'd been watching me like a hawk and that I should not fear. Last time I was a victim. This time I am proactive. Just needed to share this.
xo
Lu
xo
Lu
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COMMUNITY LEADER
Oh Lulu, You are such a remarkable woman.
With love and respect, sara
With love and respect, sara
LuLu, hang in there girl. If you can stand your pain, surly I can mine! I feel like such a wimp. If I had any pills around here I would have already taken them. That reminds me why most of us need to get rid of all remaining pills. I pray you get your much needed surgery REAL soon. Mine is the 16th of July. God Bless
Well Sweetness you sure live up to your name. It's 1;30 am here and of course I am wide awake since I slept all afternoon after the sedation. I've finally managed to stop crying but now the pain is bad and I can't get comfy. My man is very sweet to me and keeps reminding me we are in this together. The last time I went through this I was married to a man who could give a crap less. In fact, he used to force me to have sex with him because of his 'needs'. Didn't care at all that I was in agony and that sex was the last thing I wanted.
Was just thinking about this because it goes to show how far I've come...The decisions that I've made since getting sober...I have to hold on to that during this process.
I think I need to hit the support group more often this week, even though it's tough with my crazy schedule. I'm feeling traumatized by this medical stuff and it brings up a lot of memories and emotions that are hard to explain, even to those that love me and have been down this road with me before.
It is Endometriosis Awareness month and I just spent some time on my online endo support group reading stories.
The slogan is
We are Strong Because We Have To Be.
This just about sums it up.
My mom picked me up from the hospital today and reminded me that while I was a victim in this situation before, and isolated myself and turned to the drugs- this time I am a warrior.
Tonight I am a wounded warrior, but a warrior just the same.
Tonight I want to send my love and support and solidarity out to all those fighting illness, chronic pain, and addiction. We shall overcome.
xo
Lu
Was just thinking about this because it goes to show how far I've come...The decisions that I've made since getting sober...I have to hold on to that during this process.
I think I need to hit the support group more often this week, even though it's tough with my crazy schedule. I'm feeling traumatized by this medical stuff and it brings up a lot of memories and emotions that are hard to explain, even to those that love me and have been down this road with me before.
It is Endometriosis Awareness month and I just spent some time on my online endo support group reading stories.
The slogan is
We are Strong Because We Have To Be.
This just about sums it up.
My mom picked me up from the hospital today and reminded me that while I was a victim in this situation before, and isolated myself and turned to the drugs- this time I am a warrior.
Tonight I am a wounded warrior, but a warrior just the same.
Tonight I want to send my love and support and solidarity out to all those fighting illness, chronic pain, and addiction. We shall overcome.
xo
Lu
Lu you are such an inspiration! The things you're dealing with and yet at the end of the day, you are still here to provide wisdom and inspiration. Not many can do that. Keep rockin it and riding the waves because it won't be long...smooth sailing is in your future girl!
Thanks ladies- and Vic you did make me smile. I don't know if it's the sedative they gave me or just the whole traumatic experience but I cannot stop crying tonight.
I really hate that I can't enjoy a beautiful sunny Friday evening. I am so tired of feeling this way. I know I'll get through this but right now I just feel really, really defeated.
I love you all and thank you kindly for all your love and support...
xo
Lu
I really hate that I can't enjoy a beautiful sunny Friday evening. I am so tired of feeling this way. I know I'll get through this but right now I just feel really, really defeated.
I love you all and thank you kindly for all your love and support...
xo
Lu
LuLu..I am just totally amazed by YOU! Wow!!! The pain you must be in and what you are describing would scare the living daylights out of me..OMG Girl!!
I will be sending some BIG Prayers YOUR Way!! Please keep us updated!
As you can tell many of us are just coming and going, but I still catch these from you..You be safe and do not be in PAIN!! You can deal with all of the detox part later..You will be just fine because this time you are using this for a Real purpose and not for anything other. OH! I sure will be glad when this is over..I can not take this pain anymore..hahaha..Just thought I would make you smile..lol
May the Lord be with YOU!!!
I will be sending some BIG Prayers YOUR Way!! Please keep us updated!
As you can tell many of us are just coming and going, but I still catch these from you..You be safe and do not be in PAIN!! You can deal with all of the detox part later..You will be just fine because this time you are using this for a Real purpose and not for anything other. OH! I sure will be glad when this is over..I can not take this pain anymore..hahaha..Just thought I would make you smile..lol
May the Lord be with YOU!!!
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Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Im so glad you have friends and family support to talk to.
Your partner sounds amazing and must be going through pain with you.
Im going to do some research on this horrible disease so i can better understand it.
Its not nice being poked and prodded by doctors.
You remember to take whatever meds you have prescribed for your pain, this is legitimate pain remember and this doesnt count on your clean time.
You can worry about detoxing later, we know you are using them, not abusing them.
So you do what you have to do at the moment.
I can only imagine what you are going through and to be honest with you, you are the reason ive had 2 good days. When i heard how bad you were, i thought about you, compared myself and thought hey, im not sitting in a hospital bed suffering imense pain. Lulu is. And i picked myself up. All because of you.
I preyed for you again and will every morning and every night my beautiful Lulu.
We are all here to help you get through this tremendously tough time my sweet Angel
xoxo