close call to close for cpmfort

[conhall]

Today I was taking out some Christmas decorations and getting stuff out to decorate more and I pulled out a Box with stockings and Guess what I found an Old bottle of pills :(  It really caught me off guard. I had so many hiding places and I remember now putting it in there last year. I think about it now and think what a horrible place to hide that junk. Made me feel Like a Loser!
It was a bottle of 25  percs The Good ones 15 mg for me that was always my favorite ones :(.  Scarred me and I actually opened up bottle and for some reason smelled them :/
Then I  just sat them aside and kept up packing stuff kinda glancing at them here and there and finally I said Out-loud what the Fu k am I doing ??? I went and Got them and Threw them in garbage then went back to work well they were calling me from garbage I actually went and got them out and FLUSHED  Them.  It really caught me off guard and guess what they were whispering to me after 171 days plus still can bring me to my knees.  I actually thought to myself wonder if I took one if it would do anything to me. But we all know its just a cycle one is never enough and either is 25.
I wasn't going to a meeting till Weds. but I  am today I  kinda feel weird . Like I really actually thought about it and I honestly am a lil shocked they had the effect they did on me.

[conhall]

*Comfort"   typo

[YesLife4Me]

Wow!   I really do believe that part of our pill popping has become so engraned (sp) in us that it's like someone offering us a drink or smoke?  You just do it without even thinking about it!   So there they are and it's almost like instinct to take 'just one'..scary!   Glad you flushed those lil demons!    They would have been calling to me from the trash can too.  

[Bubulous]

Congrats!! Good call.  I had dreams last year when I got out of treatment of using and when I woke up, I felt like I had used and I felt a little ashamed, crazy huh.  The good thing about it was sometimes I also had dreams that I turned some down and I woke up feeling proud and strong.

Thanks for reminding me of that,

Larry

[conhall]

Going through the physical WD was hard yes it was but getting through the mental part learning to change things was so incredibly  hard. Somedays I just felt like I was never going to get through it but I did.  Its like I had something that I did everyday that was necessary and I had to learn to live without it and change my way of thinking. I thought I had done it finally but today scarred me horribly.  

[conhall]

I Understand those kind of dreams. I have had both myself.

[conhall]

I have eaten almost a whole package of little debbie Zebra cakes Ugh!

[Pat1956100]

Just reading that made me think "Don't flush them".   I would have smelled them too.  This is very hard but I think reading about other people getting rid of pills makes us do the same thing if we are ever faced with that.

I have had a couple of phone calls yesterday and today that have really been hard on me.  
Thanks for posting this.  I can remember talking you through a craving during your early days.  Now you are helping me girl :-)

[IBKleen]

You are right where you are supposed to be. You found them, you submerged yourself in them and glorified them. You counted them. You smelled them. You sat them down next to you and you romanced the idea of taking just one. You tossed them in the garbage (knowing you could retrieve them). You flushed them and watched them go down. You may have even considered calling the city to find out where the dumping ground is so you could drive there and maybe see them float by. Guess what? This is all normal behavior for an addict.

The best news of all is that YOU DIDN'T TAKE ONE!!!!

You are probably going to have some intense cravings for a while. They are still calling you and I will bet it is louder than a whisper. If you are involved in a fellowship, get to a meetings and share. If not, keep talking right here until this passes.

You did the absolute right thing but coming here and posting. I am proud of you!!

[Pat1956100]

LMAO IBK.  I was going to call her city.

[Fireby29]

Congrats on staying so strong.  We are close in clean time, I am unsure I would have been able to handle it.  I always had kept mine in the same place and was sort of OCD about "my pills", so I feel pretty confident that kind of panic will not happen to me.  I can relate to how you must of fleet though, it would had been a mixture of panic, excitement, and dread.

Congrats again!

Bryan

[clean_in_ks]

Surprise??? I'm hiding in your Christmas stocking????  Ughhh...  I'm so glad you shared that with us.  As you may remember, I'm at 171 days, too.  I haven't "stumbled" across a stash to date, but have thought it thru in case I do.  I've decided AHEAD of time that if that happens to me I'll not even give my addict brain time to "consider"  I'll grind it up in the garbage disposal IMMEDIATELY.  I KNOW I can't trust my addict brain. Thank you for sharing this.....I needed to hear it girl.

We stress so much about the physcial stuff.....and really, after our bods aren't addicted to the stuff  that is when the real work begins.

After you finish your little miss debbies and hit your meeting, you'll be all better.  Not for good.....I know that.....but you got thru this one and you DONE GOOD!!
Happy 171 Days Conhall~

[YesLife4Me]

I find myself thinking 'if I just had a pill" I could do this or that.  Then I force myself to do whatever it is that needs to be done and find myself praising myself for doing it without one.   We have trained our brains that we can't do anything without them...so learning to do everyday things is a whole new challenge.   But, I welcome that ...for a change.  

btw....what city do you live in??  I think I just saw them float by...  Good one IBK!  I about spit my soda out when I read that! :)  

[conhall]

@Pat   I am glad I helped you because yes My friend you have helped me very many times and I am proud of the progress you have made you even sound better :)) keep on pushing through you are stronger than you think we all are!

@ IBK I actually read your post and spit My Lil deb cakes out from laughing  hahaha and then wanted to call a find out where the dumping site was :)
Thanks for making me smile.
@ Brian I was also very OCD about my pills But for some reason I had hidden those last Xmas when someone walked in room and I truly forgot about them I use to count my pills and separate them I was a NUT about it.
That is one thing I sure dont miss the coun ting the worrying. I just have to remember those things and how horrible life was and how life now is so good.
Truly did catch me off guard and I always gotta keep that guard up Like Sara says because when you least expect it.
Thanks everyone:)))

[YesLife4Me]

Yes, I dream about pills too.  Especially when withdrawing from them.   In my dreams I am usually trying to obtain or counting them, making sure I don't run out.  

Good tip Clean.   I hope I don't stumble across one lying around somewhere, but in case I do, that's exactly what I need to do.  

[Pat1956100]

I just went to the store and bough a coffee crisp and 2 packages of turtles.  Just in case, you know. It's good to have chocolate, right?  ;-0

[conhall]

The best thing I would have to say that I have noticed as far as physical symptom is I sleep like a baby now :) When I was using I would sleep maybe 4 hours 5 tops and be wide awake ready for a pill. And when I woke up I felt Like $hit always before. Now I press snooze and try and sleep more .

[conhall]

yes it is Pat :)   I eat lots of sweats LOL  My New thing is the Lil debbie cakes.  
I gained a few pounds but I needed to because I looked unhealthy and now I am looking better

[LeaAnn807]

Welcome to the "I Found Some Pills And Didn't Take One but Thought About It" club!  Membership is free!  That happened to me.  NOT pleasant.  No matter how you think you'd react, you'll surprise yourself!  I thought I would be like, "No problem!" WHOAH!  My reaction wasn't what I would expect even after this long.  You'd be surprised what a big, fat bottle of pills will do to you!  It'll make you act like a nut.  It'll make you wanna go outside in the pouring down rain and LOOK at them, lovingly, until someone comes and gets them! LOL

I know how you feel!  You're doing the right thing by going to a meeting.  You also did the right thing, obviously, by tossing them.  I'm happy for you!  

[YesLife4Me]

This thread gave me a craving for chocolate...so I trotted over to the candy machine and wolfed down a Hershey Chocolate bar!  :)  

[dominosarah]

Cant really add much more to what has already been said.  Congrats on flushing them and posting here.  I still stand by my Grandma's Molasses...get yourself a spoon and start dipping.

Good job girl!!

[evolv]

that is really amazing. 171 days is still very close to your addiction and the way our brains work, you could have been right back to square one in a matter of minutes. you should DEFINITELY share at your meeting, you deserve applause and you should celebrate - that is a beautiful thing and a testament to your strength and perseverance. congratulations.

[conhall]

I keep hearing you say  Sara  "Always keep your Guard up "   Words to always remember

[Teresa1717]

Boy oh Boy finding those pills when you least expect it is almost like getting cold water thrown on you when your sleeping! Takes the wind outta you for a minute! But you did great in flushing them! Its no simple task for our addict brains but this just proves that sober life looks good on you! Great job girl and thanks for inspiring the rest of us!! Especially me ;)

[Brightfutureahead]

Thanks for posting this conhall.

IBKleen that's funny!

I was so uptight about the pills it was nuts...in all the years that I used I think I lost no more than 1 (I hardly ever had a script- always bought- so they always jangled around in my purse or pockets. Nonetheless, I kept them on lock and key. It was obsessive in a way. Now I put that energy into other more productive things and I'm so grateful for that!!