Coming clean

[Kelseago]

So I came clean with my husband abt how much I've been taking.  I told him I want to start going back to my meetings (which is twice a week).  He seriously asked me if I'm going to go both nights like it was this huge inconvenience.  Really?!   I tweaked on him.  I just want to get better.  I'm going crazy.  I feel I did too much today and I'm losing it.  Is 2 nights aweek too much to ask for?  It's so discouraging

[gnarly_1]

HEY Kells.....you sound like your wound up pritty tight.......you need to just put the diet pills
down its a physiological withdrawal not physical other then being tired most of that crap is just speed marketed as diet pills but as I have said b/4 it not the pills thats the problem it the way the addictive brain works.....we need to learn how to change the very why we think
Kells you been clean you know what it takes you need to get off this road to hell that your on and choose life you know many say 90 meetings in 90 days you know why??....because thats how long it takes the brain to start working right again I know it might be discouraging but unless someone is standing in your way get to those 2 meetings you need this now your fighting for your life keep posting to let us know what your going to do....I got a feeling you'll
do the right thing good luck and God bless.......Gnarly    

[Kelseago]

I'll try, I don't think sleep will come though.  I'll try n rest n calm down though. Thanks

[ImDONENoMore]

Okay then just try to lay down tonight and try to just slow down and see if you can get your heart racing thing under control.  And if you find it's not getting better - please, get to an ER - don't take any chances tonight okay?  And please, THROW out the rest of those awful pills.  This is serious Kels, please, throw them OUT.

I'll check for you again tomorrow.  Take care of yourself tonight.  Please.

[Kelseago]

No. We have nobody here. Our family lives away. It's just us and very few friends, who are all busy

[ImDONENoMore]

Is it possible for you to get any downtime in the next few days?  Even if it's just a couple of days?

[Kelseago]

I wish I could crawl in bed for a week.  It would make this easier

[ImDONENoMore]

No I don't think a taper is a good idea either - they're affecting your heart and that's scary stuff Kels, so you have to STOP them now.   But equally important I do think it's a good idea to talk to your Dr. about this - and if I'm not remembering properly I apologize - but they are being given to you by a Dr. right?  And if so, you should talk to him/her about all of this.  It's time to take control of your life Kels.  It's TIME.

[Stevo977]

I haven't spoken with you personally, but I do remember a different person not too long ago that was sober and living the clean lifestyle. You did it once and you can do it again. Relapsing just does so much damage. I know I screwed myself out of jobs, cars, and nearly freedom by going on my opiate/benzo binges.

I don't go to meetings anymore but am willing to bet the wife wouldn't mind if I went 7 nights a week! Not that she's too concerned with me relapsing, just wanting to get me the heck out of the house! Idle time will drive you nuts with your brain going in a hundred different directions, and I'm sure you have quite a daily workload to keep you busy. You know it's going to be difficult to get motivated, but you also know you have to. You have to for your family, and most importantly, for yourself.

I remember you having some great advice not too long ago for the newly recovering addict so maybe take a trip down memory lane and read some of those old posts? The quicker you decide to put them down, the quicker you will get the crap over with. Praying for you.

[Kelseago]

Im kinda tweaking right now.  I'm scared.  I can't focus or properly think.  My jaw hurts.  A taper probably wldnt do me any good.  I'm completely irritable.  

[ImDONENoMore]

Whew - I'm glad to hear you're not taking any more - and I think 10356 is absolutely right - you ARE a person, you alone, without any label, and deserve a lot more.  Please THROW that crap out.  NOW.  And begin again, you can do it I know you can.  Please.

[Kelseago]

I know you're right about everything.  I need to throw em out.  I have lost myself.  I haven't really even wanted to paint which was my passion.  I feel as if I'm in a black hole

[10356]

Missed the top I was not going to post this but it is about you being a stay at home home. sorry for the break.. I was sitting outside today thinking of you and how difficult it was for me to raise my family as a stay at home mom How much of my identity I thought I had to give up.. there you go from here.. just have you on my minds Kels and want to see you make it..

[10356]

difficult it was, How much of my identity I had to give up our at least this is what I thought. You have a very demanding life. cleaning cooking bathing entertaining. I also remember how much it effected my social life. If you do not now take a stand and put effort into yourself.. your recovery. you will always take the backseat.. By going to your meeting not only are you getting the support and understanding you need but it will also give you the confidence that you are still you and not lost in the process of raising your family.. Clean Kels you have more to bring to the table a sense of independence.. this is something active addicts are sorely lacking. You will not be abandoning your family. You will be reminding them you are a women independent of them that has the same needs and desires they do as most of us do.. You have to make up your mind Kels to either stop our continue. Honestly a taper when you can just go buy them is a cope out. Make a decision make a stand for yourself for your family.. warm hugs lesa

[Kelseago]

No I'm not. I never take em once my husband is home.  I've already had 9 so I've had enough.  I always try n cram them in before he gets home. I

[ImDONENoMore]

Yeah that's bad.  And you know it's bad so that's actually good - now you know you have to STOP.  Please.  I hope you're not taking any more tonight?  Please tell me you're not.

[Kelseago]

I hope I can.  I don't like how I feel right now.  My heart is racing but still I want more...

[ImDONENoMore]

Okay, well it's a start and I'm glad to hear that you're finally considering it.  Please Kels, I don't know what kind of scare you had today, but PLEASE keep paying attention to what you're doing.  You have a beautiful family - and you yourself are a beautiful woman.  Don't let this take over.  You deserve SO much more.  All that talent, please, give this the continued serious consideration it deserves.  You had it in you to quit the other stuff - so you KNOW you have it in you to quit this.  You do.  :)

[Kelseago]

I haven't stopped. I had a scare today, scared me enough I'm going to give it a go.  I think I might try a taper. Idk yet. I just decided.  I'm shamefully hiding them right now

[ImDONENoMore]

Of course it's not too much to ask.  He'll get used to it, maybe he'll fight it a little as he would probably prefer you be home - and don't take that the wrong way.  I'm sure he wants to see you get better, so just let him get used to the idea for the time being.  And GO to those meetings.  This sounds really positive so does that mean you have stopped the pills?