Help, losing my control, angry, Etc etc,,day 9

[bugsy89735]

Hi all, day 9 from massive narcs, but right now i am so DAM angry, especially with the wife?? I am having a break down here,,, I had mini surgery today to remove some veins and the dr was going to give me some vic's and motrin, only took the motrin. I am so dam depressed and angry about my life today, can't put a finger on it? I am just so sick of EVERYTHING, married for 26 years, same ****, never do anything or go anywhere, she is my total opposite so its like I am alone? I am retired and also waiting for social security disability next month since I have no back and no knee.....waiting almost 3 years for this meeting and HONESTLY, I would rather go to work and hang out with my fellow nurses???????????????Stupid isnt it, I am fallling apart here ,,,i cant wait to end this day and go to sleep,,,,, almost ready to go get 100 80's and take them at the same time,,pretty selfish, huh, feel like ****,,thanks for the ear,,,bugz

[petroglyph54]

Might be good to go soak in the tub, with the epsom salts if you got 'em. It will make the ole leg feel better, and it's hard to be angry soaking in the tub, I've even got little rubber duckies, it's just to stupid for me to not laugh at. We do tend to beat ourselves a bit don't we. Give it a try.

[bugsy89735]

Hey all, wet to bed at 7pm last night because I hated myself sooooooo much!! Ayway, today is day 10 and having alot of pain in the leg but I have motin for that and if it still hurts, so what, I am a addict!!! I deserve the PAIN!!! trying to get the mind in order, my files are all out of sorts, feelings are shot, mood slowly improving,slowly!!! thanks all for the kind words,,,,WOW, what a roller coaster ride this is,,, we are some tough folks,,,thats all I can say, all you out there with over 300-400-1000 (Sara) days of sobriety,,YOU ARE MY IDOLS!!!!!!!  Peace and Love,,,,,Bugz

[petroglyph54]

Pain does that to me. I can usually even warn my wife that, when L-4 is flaring it seems to be connected to my attitude. Can't change it, but I try to shut up, and not be drawn into anyplace that might make me  reply off color.

[vicki595]

Polish and French???   No wonder!    Hey!  It's almost dark there and you can go to bed!
That's what I do!!    Be better!

[tavia14]

Hey Bugz- Hang tight!!! It will pass I promise. Shoot I am right next to you with 15 days. Somedays I think **** I will never make it!!!!!! But as they say that feeling does pass and things brighten up if only for a moment! This bad bad day will go away the right way and you will have conquered another day..You will feel awesome about that even if its not today...Stay strong! Peace

[bugsy89735]

thanks all, no Vicki, nothing, wide awake, stuck me with about 20-30 needles and didnt feel a think, he did a great job.. Well, attitude is still in the toilet and me being polish and french I do believe its going to stay there....oh well, bad bad bad bad day!!! Thanks  Bugz

[jrizzy303]

Hey hang in there bugsy its only normal to have these angry days. You might be angry cause you didnt get the pills but I dont know exactly. In my opinion you made a great decision not to get those vics. Look at all the positive you do have you have 9 days clean, food to eat, a bed, clothes, I know this is a rough time for all of us, but it will get better. I have been looking at the good we do have. thank god were not in these other countries where its hard to get just water. You have to be strong hang in there. This to shall pass. It will get better. The first few days I had angry days too its normal. And I never been married so I wouldnt give advice for that sorry. Hang in there

[vicki595]

Uh...did you have a general with that surgery?   Have you eaten?  I know,it sounds silly
but...sometimes it's the silly things that make us crazy...

[Astray]

Bugsy,

Repeat to yourself till you believe it - "this is not me, it is just the withdrawal talking". Your brain chemistry will be all over the place right now, tomorrow or even in an hour or two you might well feel fine.

Hang in there, try not to do anything, don't say anything to the wife till you have thought about it like 5 times, till you feel yourself again. These feelings will pass, I know it's easy to say but hard to hear but they will.

You deserve a huge credit for turning downs those vics BTW, that cannot have been easy, doubt I could have done that.