AM i a bad person??

[Newstart14]

Hello everyone, i have been reading the posts on here and realized I am not alone..For a long time, I have felt that I am that bad person that has allowed myself to physically be hooked on pain medicines..I have been taking them off and on for a long time due to a bad car accident and suffering back pain and severe migraines.  I am a mother of two handsome sons and everytime i take a pill, i feel like i am a bad person, a failue because I have allowed these pills to overcome my life..by this i mean, i think about what time is next for the next pill, and sometimes i do the unthinkable, i crush them up and snort my pain medicine for a quick release of pain..i know now i have allowed myself to be an addict, and i am so ashamed of myself.  I watch dr phil and many other shows that have addicts on them, and i think to myself, THAT IS ME...I want to end it, end it now...i have told myself that i am nothing but a very strong woman and i will no longer allow myself to let a pill take my life over..  I feel that talking to others will help me with this progress and i am grateful that you all are here to read your posts and maybe help me out as well?  I have other addictions i want to concour like smoking cigs, i want to end that now as well..i am a college mom at a University, and i want to graduate clean..can any of you give me advice?  Thanks for all of your help, just by reading your posts has helped me know i am not alone out there...

[MikeInFrance]

Shame is a normal feeling at this stage and quite honestly it's good that it's there! Sometimes it takes having to feel that fed up with ourselves in order to make the easy decision to stop. because just  deciding to stop is not difficult. I decided to stop for several months but only actually did stop once.
You know the need, want, desire to be free from this is strong! It's empowering when we truly believe in ourselves and take that real jump,  back over to this side of life.

Stay strong, keep posting and tough it out for the next couple days and you'll definately be glad you did! ;)

[Newstart14]

Hello.  First thank you for your kind words, second congrats on your success on the pill treadmill, lol..;)  i wish i could quit cold turkey, i had to do that once for almost a week because i ran out to soon and the doctor wouldnt help me, i thought i was dying, it was the worst experience i have ever imagined, and i dint want tonever go through that agai, so i dont think cold turkey will work for me.  I cant afford clinics or in home trwatment, so i am going tonhave tondonthis on my own, but find a way to find the power, strength, and will power to notntake anymore than prescribed but do less than prescribed and then QUIT...can that be done in my own??.  I hope so because just reading your posts from you all, you have given me hope!!!!

[Newstart14]

Thank you, i know i can do this, i am a very strong person, but i guess i am not strong enough to a tiny little pill, so sad...i can defend myself to a 200 lbs person if i wanted to, but not to a tiny little pill???  I take other meds each night for my severe migraines i get, i have no other addiction to concour other than my cigarettes and these stupid Opana pills..I need help, and i found all of younon here so strong and inspirational, i am praying itnwill help me succeed..;)

[Newstart14]

Hello, and THANK YOU for replying to my post, your so kind..I wanted to try stopping my pills by going from 3 a day to two to one then stop, but my intensions are notngetting me to where i wish to be??  It is soooo hard, and being honest, when I am on my pills, I feel like I can do everything and be a student..I want to be the BEST mom, wife, and friend and it feels like the help of the pills do this, and i am afraid that if i am off of them, i wont be able to keep up with my busy life??.  What have you done to help you??  I want os bad to succeed..one thing that is really hitting me hard is, after i told my parents of my problem, notnto the extent i am with all of you, they have pretty much disowned me, and that huhrts soo bad, makes me feel like they dont want a trashy, addict as a daughter anymore...it is so tuff on me...

[Newstart14]

Hello..Thank you soo much for replying to my message, I cannot believe the messages I have gotten, from such great people on here..I have been through all of the hydracodeins, (spelling?) but now I am on Opana ER 20 mg, which i guess is a form of morphine..??  To be honest, I dont even know what my pain level is anymore because I am on these stupid pills, which decrease the pain as they should..I am ashamed because I heard on tv about people snorting them tontake the pain away faster and for a different feeling?  The first time i did i i threw up from the amount of medicine so quickly, it actually scared me, then i tried a smaller amount and noticed the pain was gone quickly, and that did it, i think i was hooked?  I believe my biggest problem right now is being ashamed of myself for doing it, and hiding it when i do it, as if i was a little kid stealing a cookie from the jar...

I am afraid of failing which i have good intentions each month, but havent succeeded.  i am afraid..

[IwillDoThis]

As the other ladies above me said first and foremost is you ARE NOT a bad person.  You, like many of us just got caught up on the pill treadmill - it happens many times before you even realize it.

You've got a great attitude about it, you are thinking logically and you just have to make a plan to taper or cold turkey, figure out how you'll manage your pain in alternative methods and make the change.

The emotional/cravings have been much harder than I would have thought and though I was physically dependent on my pills, I didn't take more than prescribed, I am still struggling with getting out of the habit of taking a pill.  Acknowledging that this may happen and having a plan to deal with it i.e. counseling, meetings, posting on here is also important.

I detoxed 45 days ago off 3 solid years of hydrocodone use.  I detoxed off the pain pills first and then about two weeks ago I stopped taking my sleeping pill and xanax (after tapering since early feb).  I didn't want to live my life waiting to take a pill that wasn't even helping me - I was taking the pill just to feel normal.  You reminded me a lot of myself.  Worry about getting off the pills first, then you can worry about cigarettes later when you are not under all this stress.  I think getting off these pills takes the right attitude, the right motivating factors and having a plan to manage your pain.

For me I'm doing yoga, massage, chiro when necessary, hot packs, cold packs, epsom salt baths, rub on creams, tylenol, motrin, tens unit, trigger point therapy, focused breathing and meditation.

You've found a great place with people just like you, there is no shame, no judgment - just support.

Welcome and post often.  You CAN do this!

[Elmijack15]

First of all, you are NOT a bad person or everyone on this site is a bad person, not true! The majority of us have started taking pain meds for one reason or another and have become addicted. It's just a sad reality but it doesn't make you or any of us bad people. Sounds like you want to stop and that's a great start now you have to put a plan in place and do your best to stick with it, one day at a time. When o first came on here I was trying to taper off 2 meds and stop my sleeping pills and on top of that like you I also smoke but after a month I realized I was trying to do it all at once and it wasn't working so I'm now tapering my meds and will stop the sleep meds after that and then I'll tackle the smoking. Everyone is different, but once I stopped trying to do it all at once I now feel better, i'm still trying but one day at a time. So make your plans and stop thinking your bad, you're human.. you can do this as so many on here have done or are still in the process. Good luck to you!

[IBKleen]

Hi & Welcome,

You are not a bad person. You are addict and most of us are good people who do bad things when we use drugs.

I am glad you found your way here. There is good support so stick around.

So tell us what you are planning to do to stop and how can we help?

[marycarmel]

You're in the right place and NO, you are not a bad person.  There are so many here who've started on pills for legitimate pain.  Some became addicted and others just dependent.  There are a lot of people who have had their pain decrease when they stopped using narcotics.

You'll find loads of help here and suggestions on how to deal with withdrawal symptoms.  Do you plan to taper off or go cold turkey?  What medications are you using and for how long?  For a start, at least stop snorting them.  Addiction and dependence hit people from all walks of life.

You can get through this.  If possible, talking honestly with your doctor is best but some people don't feel comfortable going that route.